


Out of Darkness

by Jtargaryen18 (snowqueen79), snowqueen79



Series: Out of Darkness [1]
Category: Snowpiercer (2013)
Genre: Dubious Consent, F/M, Kidnapping, Loss of Virginity, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2020-12-22 20:03:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 73,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21082313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowqueen79/pseuds/Jtargaryen18, https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowqueen79/pseuds/snowqueen79
Summary: A Snowpiercer tale at the request of an anon. The story assumes you’ve seen the movie. Curtis kept his arm and survived the crash as did other passengers from the front and tail. The reader is a worker in the greenhouse car and her luck goes from bad to worse when she tries to help other passengers, only to be captured by a gang of young, pillaging tail section men. When they take her to the man they consider their leader, did her situation get better - or much worse?#I do NOT consent to have my work hosted on any third party app or site. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but archiveofourown or tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission.#





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #I do NOT consent to have my work hosted on any third party app or site. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but archiveofourown or tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission.#

In the days after the Sacred Engine came to a stop, the few remaining survivors made their way out of the wreckage of the Snowpiercer and into the frozen wasteland many had only glimpsed through the windows of the train.

News of the tail section revolt got around quickly, and no one in the front expected it to amount to much.

But the rebellion didn’t go as they told you it would. The people in the front weren’t supposed to die. The rebels were supposed to be suppressed and put back in their place – what you were told.

The alerts kept coming that day and into the next day.

When the rebels reached the greenhouse with Minister Mason as their hostage? You were terrified. Particularly of their leader, a taller man in a long dark coat with an intensity about him that scared you on many levels. The blend of disbelief and anger on his face as he glanced around the greenhouse was unmistakable.

You didn’t mean to stare at him as you did as they walked further into your car. You’d never seen anyone from the tail section before. They were as ill-kept as you heard, the rest of his group looking like normal folks aside from the desperation in their faces and the grime covering them.

Not him. No, there was something about him…

When those piercing blue eyes found you, your heart slammed in your chest. His gaze roamed over you and you dropped your gaze, not wanting to draw anyone’s attention. Especially not _his_.

“Get back to work, people,” Minister Mason tersely bid you and your coworkers.

You’d just made it home when news that the rebels had made it to the engine reached you. You knew you had to be ready for anything.

You lived in the modest quarters you shared with another greenhouse car worker. You grabbed a photo of your family from when you were small and the world unfrozen. It was a happier time. You had a small number of food items that you shoved into your bag. You took your medical bag with all the items you’d been able to get your hands on when you’d been caring for your mother before she died.

You took nothing else.

If the tail section passengers took over the train, it wouldn’t matter. They’d kill you.

If they stopped the sacred engine, you’d freeze and die.

But in the off chance that you might live…

Dressing in several layers, just in case, you told your roommate you were going to see if you find out anything about the revolt. Instead, you dashed to the greenhouse car. You pulled out the drawer filled with seed packets and began shoving them into your bag until there was no more room, not mindful of what seeds you were grabbing at all. The seeds had to be preserved.

You were nearly back to the car where you lived when the explosion brought the world as you knew it to an abrupt end.

***

When you came to, you were alone in what was left of the car you’d been in at the time of the crash. Jagged holes were ripped in its sides and bright light reflecting off the snow sliced in through them.

Staying where you were, you did a physical assessment of yourself. Everything was okay to your waist. Your left leg was fine. Your right leg…

_Shit._

It wasn’t broken. You could move it. But it hurt.

It was a couple of days before you did more than relieve yourself and eat the few items you’d brought with you in the bitter cold.

When you felt like you could move around, you thought it was three days after the crash, you carefully climbed to your feet and tried to put weight on the leg, it was still painful.

Still, you had to get out. You had to see who was out there and find warmth and shelter. You tucked your hair back into your cap, the bottom covering the lower part of your face. Then you pulled the hood of your heavy coat back over your head.

Some ruckus outside drew your attention to a hole so big you could fit through it and carefully, you moved in that direction to see what was going on.

There was an older couple, they were neighbors of yours when your mother had still been alive, being set upon by a group of filthy younger men who had surrounded them.

“Please,” the older man squinted at them in the light. “We don’t have anything… We only just made it from the train.”

“That’s a nice fur coat the wife has on,” one young man missing a tooth said with a smile that made you uneasy. “I’ll be taking that.”

The older man looked afraid, pulled his wife closer. “How will she keep warm? She is older,” he tried to explain.

“Not my problem,” the young man continued. “_I’ll_ be warm.”

They swarmed then, attacking the couple and taking the woman’s fur coat which was really big on her. They took the husband’s coat and when he tried to fight them, they began beating him with their fists. When he went down, they started kicking him, much to the horror of his thin wife who was screaming for them to stop.

“Shut up!” one yelled with a backhand that sent her flying backward.

As much as you wanted to stay hidden, you had to help them. Tucking your bag with its precious contents in a corner of the damaged car, you took a deep breath. Glancing around you in the rubble, you found a metal rod. It was heavy, you just hoped you could lift it to use it.

Limping as fast as you could in that direction, your heart was flying. They were so intent on pummeling the old man, they didn’t see you coming. You brought the pipe down on the head of one young man, taking him down to the snow with a yell.

The leader of the group, the one with the missing tooth, wheeled on you. “Who the fuck are you?”

You swung the pipe at him, but he dodged. Someone behind you got their arms around you and another yanked the rod from your hands. The leader marched forward, throwing back your hood and yanking the cap from your head. His grin as his gaze moved over you made you feel sick.

“What do we have here?” He laughed as one of his filthy hands clutched a lock of your hair. “You’re a pretty one, aren’t you?”

_Not good. This is not good._

You struggled in the hold of whoever had you but couldn’t break free. Without thinking, you stared down the leader, hauled off and spit In his face.

Glaring at you, his fist hit your face causing everything to go black.

***

Curtis Everett stared into the fire before him not knowing how to feel. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so tired in his life.

Even the spring they’d found yesterday in the nearby caves did little to improve anyone’s outlook. Curtis and many of the others who’d stayed to set up camp had been able to wash the grime from their flesh for the first time in years in the mildly warm water. 

Curtis stared at his hands numbly. Nothing would ever remove the blood on his hands.

They hadn’t taken over the train. They’d stopped it entirely. _He_ had.

But at what cost?

The ones he’d been closest to were lost. Edgar, Tanya, Andrew, Grey… Gilliam.

Scrubbing a hand over his face, Curtis blinked back tears. Gilliam had told him not to let Wilford speak. To cut out his tongue. The words played over and over in his mind listening to the man until Wilford said something to him that echoed what Gilliam had said not two days before.

_When’s the last time you got laid? Like Gilliam said, holding a woman is much better with two arms_.

That Gilliam had used him in a plot with Wilford from the beginning? To decrease the population of the tail passengers, _his people_? It made Curtis feel sick. Tired. Wishing he’d died on the train with the tail section passengers he fought for.

There were survivors both from the front and the tail section. There were more tail section survivors than he expected to see which gave him hope. Especially after hearing Wilford giving the order to only leave eighteen alive.

The last three days had been long and had left him bitter. Curtis wasn’t trying to hear the screams, the revelry.

To survive the tail section required a certain strength that not everyone had. Plus, they’d watched their family, friends, and neighbors murdered back there at the hands of Wilford’s men. So, when his people went after the survivors from the front of the train, who was _he_ to stop them?

Curtis and a few others found a deep cave they could use for shelter. Finding items from the wreckage to cover the entrance to offer some protection for those left had been a bitch. They’d worked the last couple of days to do just that. And it would do for now.

_Just so._

Closing his eyes, he tried not to see Mason’s screaming face when he pulled the trigger in his mind’s eye. He’d shot the miserable woman in the face. She’d had it coming.

_Focus on the good things._

The one thing Curtis was grateful for? They were off the fucking train. They were free.

Nam had been right. There were signs of life all around them. In the days to come, they could hunt for food given some of the wildlife he’d seen today. Until then, their people had managed to forage enough food from the cars that didn’t tumble down the cliff. It would hold them for a few days anyway.

The sound of laughter and shouts came from just outside the cave drew him from his thoughts. _What was this? _His first impulse was to jump up and see what was going on.

But he pushed it down. What did he care? Yeah, he knew his fellow tail section passengers had encountered survivors from the front. Word had reached him that some had robbed, beaten and killed any front-end passengers they’d encountered. A couple of reports reached him of front-end passengers attacking their people too.

The future would be a battlefield. He knew that. At least now his people stood a fighting chance.

And for whatever reason, they considered Curtis their leader.

_Why the fuck do they want me for a leader? Why don’t they blame me for the losses?_

He knew the horrors the front end had put them through for the last seventeen years. They’d suffered through even more loss while he was trying to take the train.

The sound of a high-pitched cry in the middle of the taunts and male laughter got his attention. Climbing wearily to his feet, Curtis passed the few people who’d made their way in there to settle for the night as he headed out of the cave.

In the dim light of the fires that dotted the hill, a group of young men – younger than him – were circling a girl he didn’t recognize.

_Wait._ As he moved closer, he realized he _did_ recognize her. From the greenhouse car. He clearly remembered the fear he read on her pretty face when they’d marched through that car on their way to the front.

Her face was clean aside from the tears streaking it and the dried blood beneath her nose. The flowing locks of her hair gleamed like ribbons in the dim light. They’d circled her, six of them, and she was scrambling to find a way to get out.

The young woman was from the front end of the train. He couldn’t tell from all the layers she wore what the rest of her looked like, but her face lacked the gaunt, hollowed-out look the tail section passengers all had.

Probably hadn’t known a hard day in her life.

“It’s Curtis,” one of them hissed, drawing the group’s attention to his presence.

While two of them were distracted, the girl barreled in their direction and ran for her life down the hill. She wasn’t moving fast but limping on an injured right leg. Another two of them chased her down easily, pushing her into the snow.

Still, she fought them.

The one called Nick grinned at him in the fading light, emphasizing the fact that he was missing some teeth.

“Sorry, Curtis,” he said, “shouldn’t have brought her up here for this. Weren’t paying attention. We’ll take her away from the camp.”

The two that caught her dragged her back up the hill, they approached Curtis, holding the struggling girl just a few feet in front of him.

“Want to join us?” Nick asked with a leer.

Curtis’ gaze swept over her. She was a pretty little thing. That’s what caught his eye back on the train. Clean and healthy.

Hell, he couldn’t remember what it was like to be inside a woman. The last time had been his earlier days on the train.

He’d had offers here and there since then but the fear of bringing a child into the world to starve or be taken by the front end outweighed his physical needs. He’d taken care of those himself as quietly as he could on his bunk at night.

But looking at her, his cock twitched in interest. He _did_ remember the intense release sex offered. How good would that feel right now? To forget, even if just for a few minutes everything that had happened in the last several days.

He knew the moment her gaze landed on him, moving up from his feet until she found his face. Her big eyes rounded in fear and she doubled her efforts in trying to free herself from them.

Curtis wasn’t proud of it, but her fear only made his lust escalate, awakening something primal in him. He understood why they wanted a go at her. How could he begrudge any of them anything considering what they’d all been through?

Nick’s grin widened at Curtis. “We’ll even let you go first.”

The younger man had been trying to gain his favor for a while, even before the revolt. But there was something that Curtis just didn’t trust about him. His gaze moved back and forth between the girl and Nick as he considered what he would do next.

When his gaze returned to her, he watched her throat work as she tried to swallow down her fear.

Curtis knew if he allowed them to drag her away, she would be dead by morning.

And like that, his mind was made up.

Curtis marched forward, grabbing her arm and dragging her away from the two young men holding her who weren’t a lot bigger than she was. The girl tried digging in her heels, trying to wrench free of his grip. Turning on his heel, he threw her over his shoulder to the approving cheers of Nick and his gang before continuing to make his way back into the cave. She struggled in his grasp but not so much he couldn’t hang onto her even with his left arm injured.

The few survivors there in the cave, his people, watched him warily. The men eyed him and his captive with interest. The women avoided looking at all. None of them were going to stop him.

Toward the back of the cave, Curtis found a small cove above the cave that he decided would do nicely for his own private space. He’d found items for a makeshift bed there and it wasn’t hard for him to climb up the crude rocks and drop her onto the bedding.

Immediately, she was trying to push up, get away. Curtis was losing patience, his large hand easily capturing the slim column of her throat and pushing her back down.

“Stop,” he growled.

He just held her there, studying her in the light of the tiny lantern he’d found. She really was a pretty thing, tears sliding from the corners of her eyes as she watched him in fear.

“Please… don’t,” she pleaded.

Something shifted in his chest at her pleas, her fear. Even though it hurt, he lifted his left hand to capture a lock of her hair, leaning down to take in the scent of it. Beneath the smell of smoke was a softer fragrance. Something his mind remembered from his time on earth. Something sweet, calming.

“I don’t have to hurt you,” he pointed out.

“I’m supposed… to just… _let_ you?” she asked weakly.

Pulling off his cap and toeing off his boots, Curtis eased onto the bedding next to her, keeping a careful grip on her throat even with her smaller hands trying to pry his away. Slowly, he allowed himself to press against her and he could feel the softness of her even with all the layers they both wore.

The fact that he had her here under him had him hard and aching. She had meat on her bones, soft in all the right places. Yeah, he wanted this. Wanted _her._

“It bother you I’m from the tail section?” he wanted to know.

“No,” she said too quickly.

Leaning in, his face hovering over hers, Curtis’ gaze locked with hers. “I could take you back down to _them_ if you want.”

She firmly shook her head no.

“That’s your choice,” Curtis told her, staring her down. “Me… or them.”

She was struggling to keep calm, her breathing strained. He gave her a moment to weigh her options.

Curtis did feel pity for her, but it was buried. No one had mercy on Edgar or Tanya. On Andrew or his son. There’d been no mercy for any of them.

So why should he feel any now for _her_?

“H-how do I know you won’t… take what you want and… give me to them anyway?” she asked fearfully.

Curtis had to give her credit for being smart.

“You don’t,” he told her, thinking about what he wanted to say. “I can take you either way. But if you’re good for me…”

Here was a healthy young woman. He couldn’t tell how old she was, but he didn’t think she was still a teenager. There were only two young women who’d survived from the tail section and one of them was Yona. He’d already thought about how he was going to have to keep an eye on them, just as he would Timmy, to keep them safe.

The young woman under his hands? He could protect her too. She would live. It was up to her.

But considering she’d lived a comfortable life at the front of the train for the last eighteen years, she was going to give up something for that protection.

Doubt blended with fear in her large eyes and he knew her brain was running faster at that moment than the damned train ever had. After a moment, her eyes squeezed shut and she nodded.

Curtis already knew he was going to hell if there was such a place, but her acquiescence had his libido growing fangs. It was a new world now outside the train. The front-end passengers didn’t rule now. He and his people would find a way to survive and make the world what they wanted. They could _have_ what they wanted.

And right now, Curtis wanted the young woman beneath him. He deserved something for the last eighteen years and this – _her_ – was a good place to start.

***

Your heart was pounding so hard in your chest that you wouldn’t have been surprised if it exploded. And just maybe that would be for the best. Since you’d awoken from the train crash, your situation was getting worse by the minute.

Apparently, the pack of young men from the tail section had killed the older couple and dragged you back to their camp. When you came around, to your horror, they’d decided they were going to have some “fun” with you. That they would do _that_ right there in front of their people just proved what you’d always been told. The tail section people were brutal savages with no decency.

When the other man had interrupted them, you’d tried one last time to get away. Your injured leg had kept you from racing away and they’d dragged you back before that man, apparently their leader.

Curtis they’d called him. While you were afraid of the young men who had you, Curtis wasn’t a boy. He was a huge man with a hard look in his eye that promised little mercy. You’d seen him before on the train.

Your heart sank when the leader of the ones who’d captured you invited him to join them in their “fun.” You already knew you weren’t likely to survive. And if you did, you wouldn’t want to.

Then the man had done something you hadn’t expected. He’d snatched you away from the others, carrying you into the depths of a cave where a handful of other tail sectioners were gathered.

Your hopes were dashed when he’d taken you to a cove that he used as his personal quarters. You were alone with him and you weren’t sure if your situation was better or worse.

“I can take you either way. But if you’re good for me…” he said.

_You won’t hurt me? Give me to them? Kill me?_

You were just supposed to trust him?

In the light of a tiny lamp in the small space where he’d taken you, you saw he wasn’t as old as you originally feared. Maybe your age. Maybe a little older with a hardness etched into his features. His eyes weren’t as hard, something softer flashing in their blue depths at turns.

You wouldn’t have found Curtis unattractive if circumstances had been different. He wasn’t covered in dirt and grime now. His was a handsome face, all hard lines and angles. His hair was cropped short, dark as his beard. Only his lips offered the slightest softness, the lower lip fuller.

Slowly, his hand slid away from your neck and you took a deep breath even though his grip hadn’t restricted your air in any way. You fought yourself not to scream, not to struggle as that large hand plucked at the front of your coat, working it open.

He didn’t seem surprised when he found two lighter coats beneath that one. Those long fingers worked at opening one and then the other. You didn’t fight him when he pulled your arms free of the sleeves, surprised at the care he took with you. He pulled off the sweater you wore, releasing a breath as if he’d been holding it when your upper body was revealed to him, covered only by your bra.

Instinctually, your arms crossed over your chest, protecting yourself.

“No,” he muttered, glaring at you.

You froze, not moving even when his hand darted under you to unhook your bra. You tried to hold the bra to your chest, blinking back tears but it wasn’t much of a fight. His left forearm pinned your right arm to the bed as the other hand easily plucked the bra from you.

Capturing your left hand, he pressed it down next to your head.

Taking a deep breath, you watched in fear as his eyes darkened, moving over your exposed breasts. He didn’t say anything…

_Now_ you were afraid.

“Please don’t hurt me,” you whispered, trembling now beneath the man who was poised above you.

His gaze never met yours when he muttered, “Don’t give me a reason to.”

His gaze softened as it moved over your face and hair, slowly roaming down to your neck and breasts. Why was he looking at you like _that_? Like you were something precious he hadn’t seen before.

Trapping your wrists above your head with a forearm, his right hand slid down your arm. The rough pads of his fingers gliding over your skin made you shiver. Your nipples were tight peaks from the cold and when that hand slid over one, you discovered that the palm of his hand was rough too and slightly cool as it met your skin.

You braced yourself, for the pain, the humiliation.

It didn’t come. His hand gently moved over your breasts, testing their weight in his hand before teasing the nipples with his fingertips, his touch barely there. Like he was touching something he wasn’t supposed to. 

“Beautiful,” you _thought_ he muttered.

_What?_

His head dropped, his forehead pressed to your chest between your breasts as you shook beneath him. His warm breath pelted your skin until finally, after what seemed like an eternity, you felt the press of his lips, the scratch of his beard against your skin.

The press of his mouth was hot, scorching a path to one side, dropping wet kisses along the curve of your breast, his touch whisper-soft. Slowly, he closed in on your nipple, brushing his lips over it in a barely-there way that sent a shiver through your entire body. When his lips spread around it and you felt the wet lash of his tongue, your core tightened despite your situation and your thighs clenched together.

You just focused on breathing as his mouth and hand played with your breasts. You tried really hard not to focus on how gentle he was, on the way he’d dropped some of his weight on you. You could feel the hot ridge of him against your thighs as he ground down on you, making you feel his desire.

His movements sped up, moving back up, his hand slid down over your stomach, down into your trousers. It didn’t matter that you wore two pair, he forced his hand in against your skin, his fingers diving into your panties and groaning at the wet warmth he found there.

You clamped your thighs together, but he wasn’t having it. Wedging himself between your legs, he had you gasping as his fingers explored you. His fingers were careful as they explored your folds and your face warmed that he found you wet and craving.

The intensity in his blue eyes made you pause as your gaze locked with his.

“Let me,” he whispered.

Dropping a kiss to your stomach, he worked at the fastenings of your trousers with dizzying speed. With both hands free, you tried to halt his efforts, but he easily batted your hands away. He gripped both pairs and your panties and roughly jerking them down your body until they caught on your boots.

The man was nothing if not determined. He had you completely bared to him in a matter of seconds while you fought not to cry, not to react at all. If you had to go through with this, you’d be damned if you’d give him that satisfaction.

All at once he stopped.

You froze, not knowing what was wrong. Your thighs trembled and you looked up to see his gaze riveted to your right leg.

Carefully, he lifted your right leg, his fingers tracing the deep bruises there where you’d been injured in the train wreck. A long, jagged cut ran down your shin, the blood dried and smeared across your skin.

His glare made you freeze. “Did _they_ do this?”

You shook your head. Your arms crossed over your chest even as your lower body was bared to him.

“J-just my… nose,” you admitted, remembering the hit that had knocked you out.

You were shivering from the cold and he shrugged out of his long dark coat and used it to drape over you.

Was he going to stop?

You were afraid to get your hopes up, just watching as he pulled a swatch of cloth from his pocket, a handkerchief you realized, and pulled out a bottle he’d filled with water. Dabbing the cloth in the water, he set the bottle aside and his attention was on you again.

You flinched when he first tried to press the cloth to your face, but he scowled at you.

“Stop,” he muttered. “Be still.”

And you were. Gently he cleaned off your face, particularly the dried blood around your nose. It amazed you how light his touch was for a man of his size.

You burrowed into the coat that didn’t smell pleasant, but it was heavy and warm. He moved back to your leg, exposing it long enough to clean it up carefully as he had your face.

_Wait._ Why would he do that? Did he still mean to…?

Setting aside the cloth, Curtis slid a rough hand up from your injured shin to your knee. You flinched again when he leaned forward to press his lips to the inside of your knee.

Curtis pulled his coat off you only long enough to move over you and under it. He was so much bigger than you that he was all you could see. You trembled as you felt his thighs push in between yours, push yours apart. You were naked beneath him and he was mostly dressed, making you feel even more vulnerable if that were possible.

Bracing your hands on his chest, you found he was too heavy to push off. Your hands pressed against hard muscle beneath the layers he wore. He held his weight on his right arm at your head, his other hand slid down over your body and in between your thighs, verifying that you were ready for him.

Curtis glanced up at you as his fingers slid on your wetness. His eyes were darkened but you couldn’t tell from his expression if he’d found you lacking or…

You didn’t have to wait long for an answer. He dropped his head to drop a kiss to your breast, stopping to tease your nipple before heading down. His lips were a warm press down your ribs, over your tummy, and…

Your face went up in flames when you realized what he meant to do. You squeezed your eyes shut, turned your head to the side.

A kiss pressed to the top of your mound while your heart beat in your ears.

“Look at me,” he ordered gruffly, his breath coming fast.

Oh, you really didn’t want to.

You felt his arms curl around your upper thighs, and you were yanked sharply down.

“Look at me,” he repeated harshly.

Your eyes flew open and you looked down to see his face hovering over the most private part of you.

“Am I not good enough to go down on you?” he demanded, his blue eyes lust-blown and angry.

You shook your head, not wanting to know what shade of red you were.

“No… it’s not that… I haven’t…”

His mouth was on you then and your breath caught as his lips and tongue played over your intimate flesh in a way that had you wanting to jump out of your skin. You got why he was doing it. But was it supposed to feel… _good._

Your hands headed toward his head, weakly trying to push him back, away from you. You couldn’t budge him.

You gasped as the movement of his tongue along the bundle of nerves that had only ever known your own hands threatened to drive you to the edge of sanity. You tried to squirm away from the sensation that was both pleasurable and unfamiliar. His hand spanned the width of your tummy as he held you down.

His tongue darted between your clit and your entrance and after struggling for a few moments, you just gave in to it. Your thighs clamped around his torso, but he held you open, his mouth busy in your folds as a single finger slid inside you and you clenched around it. Your fingers slid over his head, hanging on and he moaned against you when you did..

You tried to hold in the moan that touch inside you cause. When he slid in a second finger, you cried out. It hurt…

“Shhh,” he stopped long enough to whisper.

When his fingers reached a space inside you that lit up your body like electricity, your body convulsed in his grasp. When he brushed that inner space again, a wave of euphoria overtook you. Your body clamped down on his fingers and you lost yourself to an orgasm like none you’d been able to give yourself.

All the while, his mouth was busy on you, lapping at you. As you started to come around, his greedy mouth moved back up your body, pressing to your tummy, your breasts. His thighs pushed yours wide as he worked at the opening of his pants, taking them down.

He was poised at your entrance and was pushing his way in before you completely came around. Your flesh stretched and burned around him as he sank into you.

You both froze when he reached your barrier, his eyes knowing as they gazed into yours. Still, they held a note of surprise.

Your hands pushed at him as he poised to move forward. Curtis collared your wrists, gently pressing them down on either side of your head, lowering himself over you until you felt his breath in your ear.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

One of his hands moved to clamp over your mouth a beat before he thrust into your hard and you screamed into his palm as he tore through you until he was buried inside you as far as he could go. Holding you down with his hard, warm body, you held still, riding out the wave of pain you felt.

You both lay there gasping, quiet. After a couple of moments, you felt his lips just below your ear, his lips and tongue teased the tender flesh there in a way that distracted you somewhat from the pain that was fading at your center. His touch remained gentle, teasing.

As Curtis continued chaining kisses over your neck, he slowly began to move with you. At first, it stung but after a moment, the careful drag and push felt nice, made your center stir in excitement. You relaxed when the pain faded, enjoying the way he filled you, the gentle press of his mouth about your neck and shoulders.

But soon, the gentle bliss of his movements and actions had you back on that wave, tightening around him.

“That’s it,” he whispered, his tongue tracing the shell of your ear as one of his hands slid down your body. His thrusts began to gain in speed and strength, making you crave more. “That feel better?”

You nodded, pretty much beyond anything you’d ever experienced before. When his fingers slid between your bodies, gently stroking the bundle of nerves right above where his body joined yours, you gasped. His touch felt so good, heightened everything.

“You feel so good,” Curtis whispered low in your ear, moving steadily but carefully above you. “So fucking good…”

Somehow, you’d gone from him holding you down to you hanging on for dear life. Your thighs locked around his hips as he moved within you with increasing speed, his hand a tease at your clit that had your senses spiraling out of control. Your arms were wrapped around him, holding on like he was your anchor in a storm.

Curtis shifted above you, hitting different places within you. When his cock hit that same place within you that his fingertips had touched, you fought not to cry out. Sinking your teeth into his shoulder, through the layers of his clothing, you fought to keep quiet even as you felt like you were going to blow apart from the inside.

Your release had you seeing stars, struggling to breathe as he tightened around you, thrusting harder. He made a sound that sounded like a muffled sob before pulling free of your body. He barely made it in time as his release spurted out over your tummy as he jerked above you.

He fought for breath as you did, holding himself above you. Grabbing the same handkerchief he’d cleaned you up with, he carefully wiped at your thighs before using it to clean his release off you. You both seemed to notice the blood streaks on it at the same time.

“Are you alright?” he asked with a note of concern in his tone.

You nodded.

Worry was starting to creep in. He got what he wanted. Now what happened to you?

You watched as he tucked himself back into his pants and began reaching for your clothes. Slowly, he handed them to you.

“Get dressed,” he said quietly, “and stay here.”

Your escalating fear must have shown on your face. His features softened as he pulled his coat back on, pulled on his cap.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” he explained. “Alone.”

Okay, alone was good. Wasn’t it?

Curtis watched you dress for a moment, looking like he was gathering his thoughts. He had to see how bad you were shaking.

“When I come back, we’re going to get some sleep. Okay?”

You nodded. You were exhausted.

If he was telling the truth.

Curtis pulled his boots back on and headed out the way he came. Once you finished dressing, you lay back down, closed your eyes, and prayed.

***

As Curtis expected, Nick and his cohorts were lingering at the mouth of the cave. Nick’s leer at him the moment he spotted him only pricked at his anger.

“So, how was she?” Nick asked him with a laugh. “Want us to take her off your hands now?”

Curtis deliberately got in the smaller young man’s space, looming over him. The others got the message and backed off. Nick just managed to look confused.

“I’m keeping her,” Curtis told him in a tone that would brook no refusal. “Thank you.”

Nick’s confusion was obvious, but he wasn’t stupid.

“Yeah,” he told Curtis, stepping back. “You’re… welcome. We’ll, ah…”

Curtis watched the lot of them awkwardly make their way out of the cave and back down the hill into the landscape of fires that dotted the dark, snowy landscape.

When they were out of sight, he headed back, smiling to see Yona and Timmy curled up together at a fire they’d made at the bottom of his cove.

Anxious to get some sleep, his new girl would keep him warm, he climbed back up to his space. Curtis knew it wasn’t the end of the matter with Nick and his friends. They’d still hope to get their hands on her. But soon they’d get the message.

He was more relaxed than he’d been in years even with all they’d been through in the last several days. It made him grateful to have two arms for once. One wasn’t so good at the moment, but it would heal. Turns out you did need both to hold a woman.

And he’d liked everything about _her_.

Curtis smiled when he found her already asleep, curled on her side like a child in his bedding. With his thumb, he smoothed out the worried lines creasing her forehead.

_She’s mine._

Removing his cap, boots, and coat again, he stretched out behind her, enjoying the way she backed up against him. It only took a few moments for him to join her in sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out the image from @mom---nicole ♥
> 
> #I do NOT consent to have my work hosted on any third party app or site. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but archiveofourown or tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission.#

When you awoke the next morning, you were alone. It was colder than you were used to, but warmer than you’d been since Snowpiercer crashed.

You really felt the impact of everything when you sat up. Your face hurt from the punch you took. Your fingers gently moved over your face, finding the swelling minimal. When you began to move in the covers you were bundled in, you had other sore spots. Your leg was swollen and painful.

Between your legs…

Yeah, there were spots you didn’t know you _could_ be sore in.

Then you remembered what happened.

_Curtis._

Now you remember how you’d been punched. You’d been accosted by a group of tail section guys. Curtis had stopped them from having their way with you. He’d probably kept you alive truth be told.

You felt eyes on you, turning to find bright brown eyes watching you over the rock pathway to reach Curtis’s personal space.

“Hi,” a small boy rose up to smile at you. He couldn’t have been more than five or six with his hair shaved close. He was an adorable boy with the sweetest smile. “Who are you?”

Smiling back at him even though it hurt a little, you told him your name.

Curtis didn’t even know your name.

“I’m Timmy,” he told you, climbing up to stand over you, his hands in the pockets of the huge fur-trimmed coat he wore. “Why you up here in Curtis’s bed?”

_Because the only reason that gang of young men didn’t have me last night was because Curtis did._

“He saved me,” you explained slowly. It was partially true. “He saved me from some other passengers last night.”

Timmy nodded. “Oh.” The child looked thoughtful. “He takes care of me too.”

You had to smile at that. “Does he?”

Timmy nodded. “My momma died on the train… Curtis takes care of me now.”

“Timmy?”

A young woman in a coat like Timmy’s peered over the climb now, her beautiful dark eyes riveted to you.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“That’s Yona,” Timmy told you. Then Timmy told her your name.

Yona smiled. “Hungry?”

You were definitely that. You nodded. They waited for you to pull on your boots, to pull on your coats. When she motioned you to follow her, you went. You were still afraid of Nick and his friends but as you climbed down into the main cave, you didn’t see them.

Yona had a fire just under Curtis’s space and there she’d cooked slabs of ham speared by a stick over the fire. She also had some produce that looked very familiar. Tomatoes and peppers that you’d help grow. Had the greenhouse car survived then?

When the girl, she couldn’t have been out of her teens, motioned to the meat, you took one. You blew on it to cool it and then put it away in an embarrassingly short period of time. You took a few pieces of the pepper, a piece of the crudely cut tomato, more grateful than you could say for a partially full stomach.

It was then you remembered your bag, the seeds. You’d tucked it all away in the car you’d found yourself in after the crash. There were medical supplies too. Those would be useful.

You needed to get the bag back. How were you going to do that given your ankle? And without anyone catching you?

Timmy played with some rocks he’d found while you and Yona ate in silence. Other people were there, scattered around the cave with fires of their own. From their clothes, you knew they were tail section passengers. They cut you and Yona wary glances as you ate. Had Yona been from the front end too? She didn’t look familiar to you but that didn’t necessarily mean anything.

Finally, you had to ask, “Where is Curtis?”

“Hunting,” Timmy raced to answer. “When I’m bigger, I’m going with him.”

You smiled and nodded. “You’ll be a good hunter too.”

“I know,” the boy preened. “I will.”

Yona’s gaze moved over you, making you a little self-conscious.

“Is my nose swollen?” you asked a little worried.

She smiled, a pretty smile, and shook her head. “You want to go bathe?”

That sounded very good considering the night you had. You nodded.

Timmy balked.

“No bath!” he told Yona. “No.”

“Curtis said you had to,” Yona reminded him. “Remember?”

English wasn’t her first language, but her pronunciation was good.

“Not fair,” Timmy groused.

Rising to her feet, Yona shook her head. “Come on.”

Timmy took Yona’s hand while you rose clumsily to your feet. Yona watched you curiously, cocking a brow at you.

“Happened in the crash,” you explained to her. And your ankle was really swollen today from all the running you’d done yesterday in trying to escape your captors. It hurt to put all your weight on it.

Nodding, Yona led you out of the main part of the cave and into a smaller, darker area where a few people gathered around a body of water. Many of them without clothes to your shock.

Still, it was a beautiful cavern with a large pool of clear water at its center. Light curls of smoke rose from the water and it looked welcoming, warm. You would love to go in and wash yourself up as the others gathered here were, especially after last night.

But getting naked in front of these people? They were already looking at you and Yona like you were outsiders. And just maybe you were.

Still, you didn’t see Nick or his friends.

You came to a stop and finally, Yona noticed. So did Timmy.

“What?” the child asked you.

“Maybe I’ll come back when there’s less… people,” you said lamely.

“Why?” he asked, his gaze locked with yours.

Yona’s expression held a note of amusement. What were you going to say? From what you’d heard, they didn’t exactly have a lot of privacy in the tail section. Why would they think anything about bathing in front of each other?

You weren’t from the tail section.

And considering you could have been gang-raped yesterday, did you really want to get naked now? Curtis went hunting, you didn’t know when he’d be back. And if he _were_ here, would he allow someone else to…

You shuddered. Then you felt a tug at your hand.

“It’s not cold,” Timmy said with a grin. “It’s a little scary.”

The honesty in the child’s face melted your heart. You couldn’t help but smile and let him lead you to a free area at the edge of the pool.

“I’ll get in if you do,” Timmy offered. A quick glance showed Yona trying to keep a straight face.

Now what were you going to do? Curtis wanted the child to bathe. It made sense because you had a great place to do so but…

“Come on,” Timmy bid you.

You looked to Yona to see if she was going to do this, but she was already disrobing with a speed that was impressive. When the child started doing the same, you realized you needed to make a decision.

_Well, maybe if I do this really fucking fast…_

You really did want to clean up. It had been four days at least since you’d had a shower.

And what sort of ingrate did that make you? When was the last time _these_ people around you had a shower?

_Fast._

You stripped down and quickly eased down into the water where Yona was waiting. You each took one of Timmy’s hands and helped him into the water. Where you were, the water only came to your waist, so you crouched until you were in the water up to your neck. Clear as the water was, it seemed silly though.

The water wasn’t as hot as you liked your showers, but it was pleasantly warm. As you went about cleaning yourself up, you noticed the swelling at your ankle was bad, the skin red and inflamed. It felt good to rinse out your hair, to wash away the last couple of days. Being in the water cleared your head, helped take your mind off the uncertainty of your situation.

“Get clean,” Yona told Timmy who seemed a lot more interested in playing.

The child standing in water that came to his waist laughed, splashed water at both of you.

You and Yona glanced at each other and back at Timmy. It was on, you both splashed him back and a war ensued. The child’s laughter rang through the cavern while you and Yona laughed as you fought back.

An older couple nearby had moved out of the line of fire but smiled, obviously glad to see Timmy’s happiness. A quick glance around showed you other people smiling at the child. The sound of his squeals and laughter _was_ a beautiful sound.

These people from the tail section were close, cared about each other.

Your distraction gave Timmy the opportunity he needed to grab your head and push you under the water. You were taken completely off guard, coming up and coughing up water.

Timmy was nearly doubled over laughing.

“Timmy,” Yona’s tone held a note of warning.

Once you could, you laughed. “You think that’s funny, huh?”

His dark eyes sparkled as he laughed. “Very.”

You shook your head, heading for the edge, ready to get out. You’d purposefully placed your clothes at the very edge to minimize the time it took you to cover yourself. 

When you reached for your clothes, rough hands grabbed the bundle away.

Crossing your arms over your chest, you gazed up into Nick’s hostile eyes.

“Look who I’ve found,” Nick said, leering at you, his gaze moving over you. “Have a good night?”

What were you supposed to say to that?

You didn’t care for the way his gaze moved to Yona, looking her over too.

“Please give me those,” you drew his attention back to you, making your voice humble as you could.

“I don’t think I will,” he told you. “I saw you first, didn’t I?”

Technically, Curtis saw you first. But you weren’t about to say that.

Two of Nick’s friends walked up behind him, grinning as they spotted you.

“Climb out then… Let’s have a look at you.”

You moved further into the water, trying to curl up.

“Oh, don’t be like that,” Nick told you, laughing.

He held out your clothes making you reach out to grab them. You tried to make a grab for them and keep yourself covered. Nick laughed, holding everything out of your reach. Your sweater dropped into the water.

Grabbing it, you turned your back and pulled it on quickly. It was something.

Angry at that, Nick shoved the rest of your clothes under the water with a growl. Your heart slammed in your chest, realizing that freezing all day in wet clothes wasn’t the biggest worry you had right now.

Timmy’s eyes widened and he moved behind Yona who watched warily.

Kneeling by the water’s edge, Nick glared at you. Fear settled in your chest as you tried to stay still in the water.

“It’s only a matter of time before Curtis is done with you… and that little druggie bitch,” Nick explained, tipping his head to Yona. “And when that happens, you’re all _mine_.” His gaze slid suggestively over you again. “You remember that yeah?”

You shivered in your mostly wet sweater, knowing he meant what he said.

And you were more than a little afraid that he was right.

“All you are is some privileged little front-end cunt,” he spat. “You’ve got no value to any of us aside from what’s between your legs.”

“That’s enough,” another voice entered the conversation.

Curtis marched up, grabbing Nick’s coat and hauling him roughly to his feet. He got in Nick’s face, his murderous glare causing the smaller man to freeze. You would have enjoyed the way the little coward’s eyes widened in fear if bitter tears weren’t stinging your own.

“Until I _am_ done with her,” Curtis hissed, “stay the fuck _away_.”

Nick flew backward with force, taking down the slender man behind him. Both hit the rocks behind them hard. The young man who’d stood behind Nick, wobbled as he rose, his head bleeding.

Nick eyed Curtis cautiously, but he also knew he had an audience. “Are you going against your own people for one of _them_?”

Curtis was still. Too still. His glare didn’t fade. Not even in the slightest.

“It’s not an issue of us versus them,” Curtis had the same audience. “She’s _mine_. That’s the end of it.”

And there it was confirmed for you. You weren’t going to be accepted here.

You were a possession.

_Good to know._

You waited until Nick and his friends scrambled away before you went to gather your clothes in the water. You were shaking which didn’t help, blinking back tears of shame. This was who you were now.

Maybe it would have been better if you’d died on the train.

It was too much to hope Curtis would walk away and leave you to deal with the aftermath, but no. He stood waiting on the ledge. You could feel his eyes on you as you dressed in the water. The only things that hadn’t gone into the water were your boots and your coats.

Maybe you wouldn’t freeze to death.

Curtis helped Yona and Timmy out of the water while you finished up, still not going anywhere. When you carefully made your way to the ledge in your wet clothing, a large, hard hand entered your field of vision.

You took it. Of course you did, letting him pull you out of the water. His hands on your waist steadied you. When you glanced up, you saw his gaze was on your very swollen ankle.

You went to walk away from him, shivering in the cold air. A large hand on your shoulder stopped you. His other hand lightly gripped your chin, turning and lifting your face until your gaze met his.

You were fighting so hard not to dissolve into tears.

And you realized that it was in your best interest to fly under the radar here. Curtis was protecting you right now… but Nick’s warning was playing in your head.

“I’m sorry,” you managed.

You’d caught him off guard, you saw the shift in his expression. This time when you went to pull away, he allowed it. Grabbing your coats and your boots, you fled back the way you came.

***

Curtis watched her scramble away until a tug on his coat got his attention.

Timmy had pulled his clothes back on, looking up at him with big dark eyes.

Tanya’s eyes.

“Why they being so mean to her?” the child asked.

“What?”

Timmy said a name. “Why they being mean to her? She’s nice.”

Well, Curtis knew her name now.

“I don’t know,” he told him, rubbing a hand affectionately over Timmy’s head. “Help me keep an eye on her, okay?”

Timmy puffed his chest out, nodding emphatically.

“Thanks, pal,” Curtis told him.

Yona eyed him warily but didn’t say anything. She’d dressed, pulling Timmy behind her and heading back to the main cave.

Scrubbing a hand down his face, Curtis mulled over the last several minutes since he, Park, and the others had returned from hunting. They’d been talking about making traps moving forward when he’d heard the laughter coming from the spring.

Laughter had been a precious commodity when they’d been in the tail section. There’d rarely been much to laugh about and when you heard it, it stopped you. Timmy’s laugh had always drawn him. But it wasn’t only the child’s laughter he’d heard as he’d walked by.

He’d stayed at the edge of the cavern, watching the three of them playing in the water. Yona played with Timmy often and he was grateful for her watching over the child when he had to be away. Tanya had been one of his closest friends and Timmy was her only child. She’d died because of the game Wilford and Gilliam played and then he’d been too blind to see. Curtis owed it to her to raise her son.

His girl?

It had been the first time he’d seen her smile. Pretty as she was, the smile transformed her, flushing her cheeks with color in a way that he hadn’t been able to look away from. The sound of _her_ laughter had his heart squeezing in his chest.

She had a good way with Timmy too, her eyes warm as she laughed with him. Even when he’d pushed her under, she’d been good-natured about it. She knew that their camp was made up of tail passengers. It didn’t seem to make a difference to her.

So it had flown all over him when Nick, who’d _supposedly_ gone hunting with them but came back empty-handed, went looking for her, finding her naked in the spring. He didn’t like the way the little bastard had looked her over, trying to draw her out so he could see more of her.

That she was so obviously scared of Nick and his little friends only made it worse. It was going to be a problem. He couldn’t stay by the cave all the time, but he needed to keep her – and Yona – safe. Yona was only seventeen and had lost her father when Snowpiercer crashed.

Park found him and his small crew of men, minus Nick and his asshole buddies started putting together traps. There seemed to be plenty of game out there, but they didn’t have guns or ammunition. Setting up traps seemed the best way to proceed.

When it was dark and time to head back to camp, Curtis noticed that Nick and his cohorts had taken up in a smaller cave across the way, much to his relief.

He had no idea what he was walking into when he returned to his cave. He found Yona and Timmy huddled at their fire at the foot of his space. Immediately his heart lurched because he didn’t see _her_ and the look Yona cut him indicated something was wrong.

Curtis marched faster, about to demand to know where she’d gone, when he spotted her tucked on the other side of the fire, looking miserable and leaning against the rocks. He could see her shivering from where he stood.

“Make sure Timmy eats,” he barked at Yona as he dropped the rabbits he’d skinned in front of her. Pulling out a handful of tomatoes he’d found that weren’t too bruised from his coat pockets, he placed them next to the rabbits. But his gaze never really left his girl.

She knew he was behind her. It didn’t make him feel any better that she flinched when he approached. Hooking his hands under her arms, he hauled her up out of the ball she’d curled herself into. Her movements were stiff. She was freezing.

_Ignorant front-end passengers. No survival skills._

But she hadn’t needed them, had she? The greenhouse car had been toasty, warm. Her face had been flushed with color… just like it had been last night under him.

He fairly shoved her at the rocks leading up to his space, swatting her on the ass. “Up,” he said impatiently.

He stayed close because he didn’t like how careful she was with the injured ankle. It had been swollen a lot more this morning than it had been last night. He’d need to keep an eye on that.

When she finally reached the top, he followed her up. She’d just turned around to face him, a look of defeat on her face that he didn’t like at all, when he began to strip her. She didn’t try to fight him as he peeled off her outer two coats – those were dry. The coat closest to her shivering form was damp, but not as wet as the clothes she’d had on since the incident at the spring earlier.

Curtis shook his head, frustrated. He’d tossed the outer coats onto his bed. The wet coat started a pile of everything else that she was wearing – still wet – that had to come off. The wet clothes beneath hadn’t dried much. He pulled them off her, working quickly, leaving her shaking hard and bare in the middle of his bedding. Pulling off his coat, he wrapped it around her, noting how she tried to shrink into it as he grabbed up her wet things and headed back down to the fire.

Yona and Timmy watched with wide eyes as he put out her clothes to dry and dashed back up.

Pulling off his cap, Curtis started pulling off his shirts. She watched with wide, interested eyes and he couldn’t help but feel a modicum of pride at that. When his left arm was revealed, her eyes widened, and her shaking hand shot out, her fingers cool on his skin. He allowed it, wincing at her touch over the cut that had nearly cost him his arm when he’d brought Wilford’s sacred fucking engine to a stop. It still hurt and the angry red presentation suggested it might be a little infected.

After he’d pulled off his boots, he kept his pants on, he stretched out on his makeshift bed.

“C’mere,” he bid her. 

Curtis hated the resignation in her eyes as she moved closer, easing down next to him on the bed and clutching his coat tightly to her like she could use it as a shield.

Roughly, Curtis pulled the coat open and slid his arms under it. Wrapping them around her, he pulled her shaking form against him, knowing that the skin to skin contact would bring her body temperature up. He pulled the covers over them, let her keep his heavy coat.

She was stiff against him at first, shaking with her teeth chattering. Curtis ran his hands over her arms, her back, trying to get her to relax.

After a few moments, she began to. When he rolled them so that he was on his back, she went with him, resting her head on his chest, one hand over his heart. She’d thrown a leg across him too, she had to feel the hard on he was sporting, but there wasn’t a lot he could do about that at the moment and she’d didn’t move her leg away from his erection.

It was then he realized that she’d fallen asleep.

Curtis shook his head in the gathering darkness. She’d need to get a lot smarter if she were going to survive outside the train. He just hoped she was a fast learner.

Still, things weren’t so bad. He had his arms filled with a pretty, naked, curvy girl, warm and sleeping against him. It was nice to have someone to hold in darkness. Even nicer to be insider her but he’d do that in the morning.

It wasn’t long until he joined her in sleep.

***

You were warm, so blessedly warm lying on your side when you began to wake up. That was the first thing you were aware of. You stretched, enjoying being bundled under the covers, the coat.

Strong arms tightened around you as you settled again, the hot press of his body behind you bringing to your attention that you weren’t waking up alone this morning. A rough hand slid up from your side to cover your breast. Soft lips and the bristly scruff of his beard brushed against the side of your neck, a chain of kisses that reached just under your ear.

He whispered your name.

_That_ got your attention.

“I know you’re awake,” Curtis whispered before you felt his tongue lightly tease the lobe of your ear before pulling it in between his lips making your shiver.

He pulled the arm you weren’t lying on up and around his neck, dipping his head to take the hard point of your nipple into his mouth and humming around so that you felt it deep inside, making your thighs clench together.

His hand slid down your stomach to the apex of your thighs while his lips and tongue played with your breast. His fingers slid over your mound and then sank into your folds, one fingertip finding and teasing your clit with light, teasing circles until you were squirming against him. And as you moved against him, you felt the hot ridge of his erection, pressing urgently through his pants against your backside.

Curtis shifted restlessly behind you, giving your breast one last suck that you felt deep in your core before he pressed you onto your back. You gasped when he slid down your body beneath all the coverings, settling himself between your thighs.

Instinctively, you tried to protect yourself, pull your thighs together. A strong hand gripped each thigh, pushing them wide and holding them there with embarrassing ease. He teased your inner thighs with light, teasing kisses that had you tensing because you couldn’t see what he was going to do next. One finger slid into your folds, circling your clit a beat before his mouth sealed around it and left you fighting back a surprised cry.

You covered your mouth with both hands as you felt Curtis wind those powerful arms around your thighs to hold you in place, holding your hips to the floor. Even though your face was in flames, you couldn’t decide if it was better or not that he was under the covers with his mouth on you.

He had your writhing wildly above him as he took you apart with his mouth. He teased your clit with the tip of his tongue before sliding it down and darting in and out of you as he would with his cock, leaving you fighting to breathe. On and on he made the circuit until your core tightened, the intensity spreading through your body like an electrical current. When he slid a finger into your channel, carefully searching your inner walls while his tongue teased your bundle of nerves, you couldn’t breathe, feeling like your body would shake apart.

When his rough fingertip brushed _that_ spot within you, your entire body lit up causing the world to fade around you while you screamed into your hands. He didn’t let up as the orgasm shook you to the core, stroking along your inner wall while his mouth played with your clit determinedly.

As you were coming back to the world, you still felt his mouth on you, and it was too much. Fighting for breath, you tried to pull out of his grip, push him away.

“Too… too much,” you whispered your plea.

Curtis emerged from the bedding, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. His blue eyes were fierce as they moved over you, flushed and sprawled out before him.

The world flipped when he manhandled you onto your stomach. He moved faster than you could think, taking down his pants as he moved over you. He insinuated himself between your thighs while you struggled beneath him to find something to hold onto.

The wide, swollen head of him pressed at your entrance and it stole your breath when he pushed forward. He groaned behind you as he worked himself in deeper, the soreness from the first time he claimed you still there, making it feel like he might split you in two.

You breathed through the slight pain, the burning as he stretched you until finally, he couldn’t go any further. Curtis paused behind you, his breathing ragged.

“So fucking tight,” he muttered, pulling out and pressing forward again.

Curtis lowered himself over you, the warmth of his chest pressed against your back, his arms around you, caging you in. You felt the pelt of his hot breath at your ear and it made you shiver, clench around him.

“You going to be good for me like this?” he whispered, his tongue dipping into your ear teasingly as he began to move within you. “You going to squeeze my cock with that tight little pussy of yours?”

You were just struggling to breathe.

At first, his thrusts were slow and easy. Any pain faded as he moved within you, filling you completely and sliding on your growing wetness. He had enough of his weight on you that you really couldn’t move beneath him. You were just taking his cock while his busy mouth teased your ear, your sensitive neck, and shoulders. Your hands clawed the bedding beneath you as he began fucking your harder, his lips finding a sensitive space just beneath your ear that had you clenching around him hard.

The moan that earned you almost sent you sailing over the edge again. He must have realized you were close to release. More of his weight dropped on you as his hand slid under you, his fingers finding and stroking your clit. You squeezed him. _Hard_.

“You like that, don’t you?” Curtis whispered into your ear. He pushed your face into the pillow, following you down and fucking you all the while. “I love how you take my cock,” he whispered over you. “Wanna feel you come on it… Come all over it… You can take it.”

It wasn’t like you had a choice.

Your heart flew as his thrusts came harder and faster. His fingers teased your clit almost too lightly, the feeling so intense you tried to move away from it but couldn’t. His lips worked at the base of your throat as the sensations overwhelmed you, sent you spiraling again. The world faded around you, cries muffled by the pillow as he fucked you through it.

“Curtis?”

You froze at the sound of Timmy’s sleepy voice.

Rolling you onto your sides, like he was just spooned up behind you, Curtis pulled the covers up and over your head. You could barely hear the sound of the child climbing up the rocks over the thundering of your heart.

Somehow, Curtis had stayed inside you, still hard and swollen.

“Hey, buddy,” Curtis’s voice above you sounded friendly and scratchy from sleep. “What are you doing up so early?”

“She okay?” Timmy must have meant you. “I heard her.”

_Oh, God._

You didn’t move.

“Was she having a bad dream?” the child asked.

“Yeah,” Curtis answered, his cock slowly beginning to move within you from behind. “I think she was dreaming about the crash… She’s okay now.”

A deep exhale. Curtis’s thrusts were very slow, shallow.

“Okay,” Timmy said after a moment.

“Go back down and sleep a little more,” Curtis said. “I’ll let you help me make traps when we get up… Sound good?”

“Yeah,” the child’s voice rose. “Okay.”

You heard the child skittering away, releasing the breath you hadn’t realized you were holding.

Grabbing your leg, Curtis pulled it over his and began to fuck into you hard. His hand slid up to wrap around your throat, squeezing just enough to hold you in place but not cut off your air.

“You’re so good… at taking my cock,” he whispered into your ear, his thrusts coming hard. “So fucking good.”

You did your best to hold still for him, his rough movements taking on an edge of pain.

“Touch yourself,” he huffed into your ear, his movements never ceasing. “Touch that little pussy like I do…“

Your fingers slid in your folds and you sucked in a breath as you began to tease yourself in a way you enjoyed.

“Fuck,” he muttered behind you. “Keep doing that… Squeeze me… That’s it, gonna come so hard…”

It hadn’t taken a lot to bring yourself off and when you clamped down around him, it triggered his own release. He pulled free of your sheath and you felt the hot drizzle of his seed against your ass as he worked himself to completion.

You collapsed and rolled onto your stomach, your breathing labored.

Curtis panted behind you, using the bedding to clean his release from you.

When he settled behind you, warm and sated, you let him pull you back against him. You didn’t really have the energy to do anything about it. He wrapped you up in the covers, in his arms. He was so warm.

Curtis blew out an exhale. “I don’t want you and Yona going to the spring by yourselves,” he said in a low voice. “You understand?”

Your eyelids were heavy, and you were about to nod off.

“You hear me?” Curtis pressed.

“Yes,” you mumbled. “I understand.”

“Good,” he muttered, pressing a kiss to your shoulder before settling in behind you. “You can sleep for a little while longer. It’s early.”

And as you drifted off, you were grateful for that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #I do NOT consent to have my work hosted on any third party app or site. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but archiveofourown or tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission.#

  


Over the next several days, things began to settle down for you.

Each morning, you awoke alone in Curtis’s bed. In the mornings, he was off working on traps and organizing searches of the surviving train cars. They hunted game too to keep everyone fed.

So far, no one had found your bag. But your leg was getting better by the day, the deep bruises in your muscles healing up. You’d been helping carry in the wood Curtis and his crew chopped for the fires, trying to build it back up. When you could, and you didn’t know how you were going to do it, you needed to go get that bag and bring it back.

For the moment, you stayed mostly with Yona and Timmy. It took both you and Yona to keep _up_ with the energetic child. You’d work together on making breakfast for the three of you, watching as Timmy played with the handful of other children who’d survived. You discovered that Timmy was more likely to listen to you than Yona. Maybe because you were older you had more patience with him. The younger woman didn’t seem to mind.

Maybe Yona was distracted by the nice young man who was about your age named Jacob who kept coming around to talk with the three of you. Well, he came around specifically to talk to _Yona_. It was cute. He wasn’t able to go out with Curtis and the other young men because he was missing a leg.

“What happened?” Yona finally asked him as you finished breakfast.

Jacob was a nice-looking young man with chestnut-colored hair and hazel eyes. He had a warm disposition and you both enjoyed talking to him. Following the line of Yona’s gaze, Jacob nodded to his leg and his smile faded.

“Happened four years ago,” Jacob explained, his gaze on the leg that ended just above where his knee should have been. “They came and took my little sister… I don’t know why. I haven’t seen her since. I tried… to get past them. To get to the rest of the train to find her. They made sure I wouldn’t be able to do it again.”

“What?” you asked, horrified. “_Who_ did that to you?”

Jacob looked from you to Yona and back.

“Right, you guys were at the front.” His troubled expression really got your attention. “Things were different in the tail section. We didn’t have choices. They took who and what they wanted from us… You tried to stop them, you got hurt or killed.”

“They took your sister? Why?” You didn’t understand. “But Wilford was…”

“Maybe to _you_,” bitterness crept into Jacob’s tone. “But Wilford the Merciful had no mercy on us. No water for washing. No privacy. No respect. And all we got to eat were those damn protein bars.”

“What?” you asked.

Yona’s big eyes got even wider.

“What protein bars?” you pressed on.

Jacob shrugged. “Every day they’d line us up and feed us these gelatinous protein bars. It was our food… All we got anyway.”

You listened to the details of his story. You’d always been told the tail section passengers were ungrateful savages, there because they wanted to be. Jacob was making them sound like they’d been… captives.

“Has there been any sign of her since…” you didn’t want to finish that sentence. “Your sister?”

Jacob shook his head. “Not so far.”

Yona tipped her head towards where Timmy was laughing, play fighting with another boy just a little older than him.

“They took _him_,” Yona told you, Jacob nodded. “Timmy was in the engine… They used him to keep the engine going because they had no part for repairs… Curtis pulled him out.”

Was that how he hurt his arm so badly?

“What do you mean they used Timmy in the engine?” That stopped you. “He’s a child.”

Yona didn’t argue.

Your mind spun. “What exactly happened back there?”

Jacob’s expression on you was grim. “Ask Curtis. _He’ll_ tell you.”

You shook your head. Curtis wasn’t big on conversation. “I don’t know about that.”

You warmed his bed. It was one reason you didn’t mind that he was gone when you woke up each morning.

Each night he came back from everything he did during the day. He joined the three of you at the fire and you shared a meal. He took you, Yona, and Timmy to the spring last thing so you could bathe. The others seemed to make it a point of not being there or leaving when they saw him. Often, he talked with some of the other able-bodied men about plans for the next day. He was far enough away that the other men couldn’t see you and Yona, but he made sure _he_ could see you. The water seemed warmer in the evening, relaxed you.

When he was ready to go to “sleep,” he’d pull you up to his area with him. And eventually, you _did_ sleep. After Curtis worked you into exhaustion.

You would have expected him to just take what he wanted from you each night and go to sleep. But he never seemed to worry about resting. The things he did to you and the things he said…

Curtis never hurt you. On the contrary, he wasn’t happy until he’d made you come, sometimes two or three times a night. You didn’t know if he needed to make you come to find his own release or he just wanted a reaction from you.

_You did enjoy it._

Your face warmed up just thinking about it. Glancing up, you caught Yona grinning at you.

“I’m really sorry,” you said finally to Jacob. “I had no idea… They didn’t tell us any of that. They made it sound like…”

Jacob nodded. “I can guess what they said.” Scrubbing a hand over his face, he shook his head. “It’s done with now. If not for Curtis and Gilliam, we’d still be back there. Now we’re out in the fresh air, free to move around. Eating _real_ food.”

The gratitude in his tone had you smiling.

“It’s cold though,” you added.

“No change for us,” Jacob said. “It was probably colder in the tail section than it is out here.”

“_You’re_ not cold at night,” Yona said with a teasing smirk on her face, laughing when you turned what you were sure was a lovely shade of red. After a minute, Jacob was chuckling too.

“He’s a good man,” Jacob told you. “Curtis.”

You nodded. You thought he was. It was just such an odd situation and one that made you uneasy.

Curtis was enjoying your body _now_. But what happened when he got tired of you? Would he pass you to someone else? Or would you just be forced out?

Still, the only one who’d made you feel that way had been Nick. That had been enough. The fact that he’d said it in front of several other people in the group that day, only made it worse. You knew they were skeptical of you anyway for being from the front of the train.

As far as you knew, this was what was left of humanity. What happened if they decided to kick you out?

You really needed to get those seeds back. Best case scenario? They might earn you a place in the group eventually if you could grow them food and keep it going. Worst case scenario, maybe you wouldn’t starve when you got cast out or worse, handed off to Nick.

Something tightened in your chest at the thought.

_Curtis wouldn’t do that to you._

“Hey,” Curtis was right behind you, startling you.

“Hi,” you replied, trying to get your heart to slow down.

“Hope I’m not interrupting anything important,” he said, his face flushed and his eyes angry as he glanced around at the three of you.

What was up with him?

“Jacob, you got some folks to check on?” Curtis said sternly to your new friend.

Jacobs scrambled up as fast as he could manage with his crutch. “Yep. Bye ladies.”

That was odd. Why was he mad at Jacob?

Curtis clutched a full string of fish in his hand, setting them by the fire and pulling out a knife while you watched. He had them filleted and ready to cook in no time. He made enough for the four of you and took the rest to some of the older members of the group.

You didn’t miss how his left hand shook the entire time.

Since the night he’d warmed you up after Nick had dunked your clothes in the spring, Curtis had kept at least one of his shirts on when you had sex. He’d unbutton the shirt, but he’d leave it on.

You had your suspicions. You didn’t say anything through the meal, playing with Timmy and making sure he ate with Yona while Curtis talked to a couple of his guys about somewhere they were going to investigate tomorrow. You and Yona followed him to the spring, got yourself and Timmy clean. Curtis, it seemed, always cleaned up first thing in the morning.

When it was time to head up to Curtis’s bed, you were surprised when he just pulled off his coats and shoes and stretched out on his back, throwing his right arm over his head. His face was still flushed.

Something was definitely off. Normally, he was all over you.

“Are you okay?” you had to ask.

He cut you a sideways glance. You’d surprised him. Blowing out a sigh, he looked back up. “Just tired. Think I’m just going to go to sleep.”

Now you were a little worried.

When you didn’t move from where you sat next to him, he glanced at you again. “Unless you want to, ah… You could put your mouth on _me_ for a change.”

That made you pause. You’d never done that before. Given someone a blow job. Normally, you didn’t have to worry about anything in bed but trying to keep up with him. There was a note of bitterness when he’d said that… It had worry blooming in your chest. Were you disappointing him in some way?

When you didn’t say anything, he turned his back to you abruptly. “Fuck it. Never mind… Why would _you_ want to do _that_?”

Wait. _What?_

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, not knowing what else to say at this point.

“Yeah, I know,” his tone was biting. “Must be hard enough having to endure one of _us_ climbing on top of you every night, huh?”

It had nothing to do with where on the train you’d come from. You could let it go, let him go to sleep. Maybe he wasn’t feeling well. Maybe tomorrow would be fine.

And sure, you were worried about pissing him off. _You were_. But he’d read the situation wrong and it bothered you.

“Curtis,” you said slowly. “It’s not _that_… Not what you think.” You blew out an exhale. “I don’t know how to do _that…. _But, I’d be willing to _try…_ if…”

That had him rolling onto his back, his intense gaze on you. You just knew he was trying to find any sign of deception.

“You’d be willing to try if _what_?” he wanted to know. “You want something.”

It wasn’t a question.

You took a deep breath. You could do this. He was just a man and he’d taken care of _you_. He’d been careful with you, hadn’t he?

“I’ll try to do _that_,” you said slowly, “if you let me look at your arm.”

You didn’t miss the flash of surprise in his eyes before they slid closed and he sighed.

You’d been right then.

Scooting closer, you gently placed your palm on his forehead. And as you expected, he had a fever. It was low grade but still…

When you pulled your hand away, his eyes opened, focusing on you. He didn’t stop you when you pushed the flannel sleeve of his left arm up so you could take a look at the wound that hadn’t looked great to you when you saw it a week ago.

There were several cuts but the deepest one was angry red and swollen. Puss seeped from one end of it from the infection. No wonder he felt terrible. You’d need to do something for it, or it would only get worse.

You _really_ needed your bag back. You had antibiotics. You had antibiotic ointment. You could take care of it.

Curtis watched you warily for a moment before trying to pull the sleeve back down with his other hand, you batted it away, surprising him.

“We need to deal with this,” you explained. “You have a fever.”

“My body is fighting off the infection,” he muttered. “Not the first time.”

You thought about what Jacob had told you about the tail section. Had people just died then if their injuries were serious enough? No medical care?

“Please let me clean it up?” you asked carefully. “Maybe drain a little of the infection?”

His blue eyes searched yours, his expression softened. “It’s okay. You don’t—”

“Please?” you tried.

Curtis studied you for a long moment, his gaze moving over your face and hair. Finally, he nodded.

“Tomorrow morning, okay?”

“After we…?” you countered.

He nodded. You’d rather take care of it now but when you caught sight of the front of his pants, you realized what had taken priority in his head.

Well, you had a deal.

You just had no idea how to do what he wanted.

But you had some idea of what he liked. What _you_ liked. You weren’t about to disappoint him, especially when he wasn’t feeling well. Especially when your future might depend on it.

Curtis worked you up to everything in bed, warmed you up. Thinking about what he did, you decided you could do this.

Sliding your hands up his chest, you felt the muscular wall, letting your palms glide over the muscles you found there. Curtis’s gaze stayed on you as you explored him in a way you hadn’t a chance to before. When your fingers rose to the buttons of the flannel shirt he wore under all the others, he watched you slowly open each button.

You pulled his shirt open, smoothing your hands over the warm skin of his chest that was lightly dusted in hair. Curtis was warm, strong. His chest was littered with scars, some bad, some old. The things Jacob was telling you drifted through your mind. What happened to them back there? To the man under your hands? Were the scars a map of his experiences on the train?

_Focus._ Right now, he wasn’t stopping you in your efforts. You took that as permission to continue.

Curtis really was handsome.

You began dropping kisses over his chest, over his nipples, stopping to tease those with your mouth as he often did to you. Did it feel the same way to him? His moan was a deep rumbling sound when one of your hands slid down over his abs, down to the top of his pants.

His right hand clutched yours and you jerked in fear that you’d done something wrong until he moved it over the hard, hot length pressing at the front of his pants. You took the hint, sliding your hand over him and gently squeezing him at turns as you teased his chest and neck with careful kisses.

Working your way down to the waistband of his pants, his expression grew heated as he watched your fingers pull them open. And there he was, nothing under those pants. You grabbed them and carefully began to pull them over his slim hips.

Curtis quickly sat up to help you do that and it was all you could do not to grin at that, his cock slapping against his abdomen when it was freed, the tip red and swollen.

You licked your lips. Yeah, you could do this.

You pushed his thighs open and climbed between them. On your knees, you made yourself small as you took the velvety length of him in hand, gently stroking him. When his eyes slid closed and his hips pumped up from the floor, your confidence grew.

When you pressed a kiss to the tip of him, Curtis sucked in a breath, his hands clutching in the bedding. You chained kisses all around the head, trying to be careful. The way his eyes opened and darkened, watching you with his mouth slightly open as you worked him was a heady experience.

You pulled the swollen head of him between your lips, trying it out. When you slid your tongue over him, his hands slid up over you, finally sinking into your hair as he blew out a tense exhale.

You glanced up, worried you were doing everything wrong. But the powerful man you were pleasuring looked pretty blissed out. You knew that face from when he was inside you, chasing his release.

_Okay, then._

Watching your teeth and fitting your mouth around him like your body would, you slid him in and out of your mouth. Oh, it was experimental at first. But after a few strokes, you got the hang of it. Your fingers kept gentle pressure on what you couldn’t get into your mouth. Your other hand slid over his muscular thighs, feeling the tension there as you worked him.

Curtis looked wrecked above you. He looked so blissed out and _you_ did that to him. You.

He caught your roaming hand and you let him pull it away from his thigh, surprised when he directed your fingers to his sac. While you continued to take him into your mouth, going almost to the back of your throat, he moved your fingers over his balls. Showing you how to roll them gently, to tug just a little bit. Showing you how he liked to be touched.

Finally, you moved so that he hit the back of your throat, trying to control your gag reflex. The second time you did it pulled a soft moan from him.

“Oh, God,” he whispered, both hands clutched in your hair and starting to direct your movements. He urged you to bob on him faster, so you did, feeling his entire body tensing, his thighs closed around you tightly.

Curtis startled you when he pulled you off him the next second, struggling to breathe.

Had you hurt him? Had you done something wrong? You were staring at him somewhere between confusion and anxiety.

Curtis held your face before him, his gaze darting to your lips.

“Next time,” he whispered, leaving you to wonder what he meant.

You didn’t wonder long because he flipped you onto your back on the bed, moving over you to roughly jerk open your pants and pull them off you like they were on fire. He pushed your knees apart, up to your chest. You had to stifle a cry as his mouth was on you the next minute, his lips and tongue trying to work you up quickly for him.

You could barely breathe when he rose over you, pulling your thighs around his waist.

“Your little mouth got me so hard,” he whispered, positioning himself at your entrance. “M’sorry. I’m not going to last long… I’ll make it up to you.”

Your heart shifted in your chest at those words. They made you think it mattered to him that you got pleasure from your coupling.

You pulled in a breath when he slid home all at once, reaching the end of you with a dirty grind. Then he began fucking you, hard. You knew his left arm hurt so he held his weight on his right while you hung on to him.

He gazed at his left arm wistfully. What could he do with the infection and pain he had to be in? Sliding your own hand down between your bodies, you teased your clit the way you liked, working yourself up for him.

“That’s it,” he muttered, his gaze riveted to your fingers working your clit, himself sliding in and out of your body. Leaning forward, his lips scorched a path up to your throat, to your ear.

“Make yourself come,” he whispered hotly, his tongue teasing the shell of your ear as his thrusts gained speed. “Want to feel you… come apart around me…”

With his dirty words in your ear and his cock powering into you, it didn’t take long. You slapped a hand over your mouth as the orgasm wrecked you, had you clamping around him in powerful waves, your legs clamped around his driving hips.

Your release brought him off, had him burying his face in the side your neck as he pulled himself out of you, groaning out his powerful release that you felt spurting against your inner thigh.

Curtis rolled off you and onto his back, struggling to breathe as much as you were.

“That… felt amazing,” he managed, staring up.

“Really?” you couldn’t help but ask. “That was… okay?”

He turned his head to gaze at you. “It was a bit more than okay.”

The hint of a smile played about his lips, had your heart shifting in your chest. Despite the fact that he wasn’t feeling well, he was happy.

After several moments, you collected yourself enough to sit up, pull your pants back on. When you scrambled up and started moving around, he watched you in confusion.

You’d fished the folding knife you found in his pants pocket out and headed down to the main cave. Before he could say anything, you said, “I’ll be back in just a minute.”

By the time you returned with a small cup of water, some white fabric you’d torn off of some discarded clothes they’d retrieved from the train, and his carefully held knife, you saw that he’d pulled his pants back on, but was still stretched out on his back. He cocked a dark brow at you.

“You said I could clean up that wound,” you reminded him. “After…”

“No, _you_ said that,” Curtis pointed out.

_What?_

Frowning at him, you said, “Remember? When I asked if I could clean it up you said tomorrow morning? And then I said _after we_…”

Curtis just studied you, his gaze moving over your face.

“It’s _after_…” you said weakly.

“That wasn’t part of our original deal,” he told you.

Curtis pushed himself up so he sat next to you, his gaze never leaving yours.

“So you’re not going to let me –”

“No, that’s going to have to be part of a new deal,” Curtis said with something like authority, but he missed that note. Was he teasing you?

“What new deal?” you asked him warily.

“I want something for letting you poke around my arm,” he informed you.

“It’s infected,” you said sincerely. “I’m just trying to help.”

Curtis nodded. “Still…”

Was he up for sex again already?

His good hand slid up your arm, slid up to your shoulder. His gaze never left yours and you were starting to feel a little self-conscious about what he was up to. Why was he looking at you like that?

“What do you want then?” was the only question you could think to ask.

His large hand slid into your hair, pulling you gently closer.

“Just this,” he whispered.

His lips were soft on yours, his kiss light and tempting. After a moment, your lips moved with his, your heart hammering in your chest. At your response, he began to kiss you breathless, his tongue tracing the seam of your lips until you let him in. Curtis kissed you deeply, patiently enticing you to move closer, to wrap your arms around his neck.

When you finally came apart for air, you couldn’t help but look up into his face. Now he was smiling, his eyes sparkling in the faint light from the one small lantern you had.

“With everything we’ve done,” he said slowly. “That was the first time you’ve kissed me.”

“First time I’ve kissed anyone,” you admitted, feeling your face heat up.

Pressing a kiss to your forehead, Curtis stretched out on his back next to you, rolling up the sleeve covering his injured arm for you.

You worked at the wound quickly, noticing the flash of concern when his eyes focused on the knife in your hand.

“I sterilized it in the fire,” you explained. “I just want to lance that, drain out some of the infection. It should hurt less.”

Stoically, he let you tend to his arm. If you did anything that hurt him, you never knew it. When it was cleaned and drained, you packed and wrapped it with the white cotton fabric to soak up the drainage and help it start healing.

When you turned down the lamp and went to lie down next to him, he wrapped his right arm around you, guiding you to lay your head on his chest. After you both got situated, you sighed contentedly. You liked being held by him. Sometimes you’d wake up with him spooned up behind you but this? You liked this.

“Thank you,” he whispered in the darkness.

“You’re welcome.”

***

You’d been unable to sleep soundly, waking up to check on Curtis in the night. He still had a fever.

You needed the get your bag back. You need the medical items in it to help heal him.

You also wanted the seeds.

Curtis finally got up and headed out while you pretended to be asleep. You were surprised when you felt his lips press a kiss to your cheek before he headed down into the main cave. You remembered him telling Park, one of the larger men who went out with him each day, of a place they wanted to check out. It couldn’t have been close by considering Curtis didn’t know if they’d get back until late.

It was actually perfect. If he was going to be gone longer than expected, you should have plenty of time to find the train car and your bag and be back before he was. Yeah, he’d know you left without his permission. But Nick and his group would be going with Curtis. They always did.

You should be safe. And Curtis would understand once you showed him what was in the bag.

Keeping an ear out, you came down when you no longer heard the men. Curtis had left.

_Good._

There were a couple of older folks awake, stoking their fires. Timmy and Yona slept next to each other soundly. You built up their fire quickly, bundled in all your coats and boots, and headed out.

You’d almost made it out of the cave when someone called your name.

_Shit._

But it was only Jacob. Your heart still flew.

“Where you going?” he asked with a smile.

“Jacob,” you knelt down to where he sat, keeping your voice quiet. “I need to go find something. I’m hoping I won’t be gone long. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Jacob’s expression was skeptical. “Curtis know you’re going?”

You knew he could read the guilt in your face. He knew the answer.

“He doesn’t want any of us to wander,” he reminded you.

“I know,” you told him. “But the reason I need to do this is _for_ Curtis. I need you to trust me.”

Jacob eyed you warily. “How do I know you’re not just leaving?”

You blew out an exhale. “You’re just going to have to trust me.”

“He’s going to be upset if he finds out you left,” Jacob pointed out. “Even if it’s just a quick trip.”

“Then you never saw me,” you told him meaningfully.

“I’m a terrible liar,” Jacob went on.

“Please,” you pleaded with him. “I’ll go as fast as I can.”

Jacob studied you for a long moment. “If something happens to you…”

“It won’t be _your_ fault,” you tried to reason with him. “It’s not like you can stop me… No offense.”

Jacob nodded. “Not so worried about myself… If something happens to you? Curtis won’t take it well.”

“I know he’ll be mad but—”

“Not what I meant,” Jacob cut you off. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you… Make sure you get back here, okay?”

_The way he looks at me? _You shook your head to clear it. Jacob had it wrong.

You nodded. “I’ll make this as fast as I can. Believe me, I don’t _want_ to go out there.”

“So, whatever is _that_ important then?”

“Yes,” you assured him. It really was.

“Be careful,” Jacob said as you went to head out. “Please?”

“I will,” you said over your shoulder.

But then you thought, someone in this place cares about _you_. Someone from the front end of the train.

Running back, you leaned down to hug Jacob, and then you headed out on your self-imposed mission.

***

Curtis led Park and the others back into their cave. They’d called their day early before they’d reached the wooded area he wanted to explore. They’d heard the howls of what he suspected were probably wolves.

He still felt under the weather, although his arm felt a lot better than it had yesterday. He grinned to himself as he marched through the snow. He was anxious to see _her_. He’d get more time with her since they were back early. They’d managed to catch some geese in their traps, and he carried one under his good arm. It would make for a nice dinner.

He was still smiling when he thought about how she’d loved him the night before. _That kiss. _She’d let him kiss her. She’d even kissed him back…

The way Timmy and Yona both watched him with wide, scared eyes was the first clue he had something was wrong. Her spot was empty by the fire. She was almost always there if she wasn’t bringing in wood or chasing Timmy.

“Where is she?” he asked roughly when he reached them.

“She was gone before we woke up,” Yona blurted. Timmy nodded.

“Just gone?”

Yona nodded.

“Did anyone see her leave?” Curtis asked, his frustration and anger swelling.

_Goddamn it._ He’d forbidden any of them to leave the cave aside from a few simple tasks.

Curtis shook his head to himself, drifting over to ask a couple of people he knew were early risers if they’d seen her. Sure enough, old David had seen her creeping out of the cave this morning, just after he’d left. He pointed to Jacob, saying she’d hugged him before she’d left.

That had been _hours_ ago.

Curtis shook his head, angry with himself that he hadn’t seen this coming. Her leg had been healing and her mobility was much better. Of course it was. She’d taken off the first chance she’d gotten. Everything last night, the kiss, the way she’d loved him. All a ruse.

Jacob’s gaze met his, the younger man’s eyes filled with fear. Scrubbing a hand down his face, Curtis decided _not_ to go confront him. 

To think he’d been a little worried she was interested in Jacob.

She hadn’t intended to stay _at all_.

Curtis left Park in charge of the geese and headed out, spotting her tracks easily a few feet from the cave. At least he was back an hour or so early and there was still daylight.

If she was lucky, he wouldn’t find her. Because if he _did_, he was going to chain her to his bed from now on…

_Should have known she didn’t feel anything for me. How could she?_

But maybe that was the price he’d pay in this life for his past sins.

Just maybe Curtis didn’t deserve anyone’s love.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #I do NOT consent to have my work hosted on any third party app or site. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but archiveofourown or tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission.#

Shivering in the cold, you were frozen to the side of the cliff with your heart in your throat and your bag secured to your body.

After a couple of hours of wandering, you’d found your way back to the part of the train where you’d awoken after the crash. It had been thoroughly gone through as had the other two cars with it as you’d later discover. _Your_ bag? Surprisingly, it was right where you’d hidden it. The seeds were still there, your medical supplies too.

Two cars down you found what was left of the greenhouse car. It had been thoroughly ransacked. That was no big surprise. But you knew every part of that car. You’d worked there for years. You took more time than you probably should have to search the car for anything else that could be of use. You found a few more seed packs that you’d missed before along with some of Wilford’s stimulants that worked well in accelerating the growth of the plants. They were in small enough bottles that you could fit the handful you found in the bag. The produce was long gone.

About midday you were guessing from the position of the sun, you decided it would probably be best if you headed back. You were praying you could find your own trail in the snow and it would lead back to the cave.

You found your tracks. You followed them for a while, until the train cars were out of sight.

Then you noticed other tracks intersecting yours. Several sets of animal prints crossed over yours and you stopped. The prints were smaller. Dogs?

The low, deep howl that came from somewhere ahead of you had your blood running cold.

_Wolves._

The tracks fanned out in the snow to create dozens of swirls. _How many are there?_ And you were afraid.

It hadn’t been a short walk to get to the train cars from the cave. You probably had an hour or two to walk before you reached the cave. And you’d walked out in the open the entire way. You realized now you would have been easy to spot to anyone who would happen across you. Other survivors. _Wolves._

You kept walking, fast. It was several minutes before another howl broke the white silence around you. Then another. They sounded a lot closer now than the first one you heard, and your heart was slamming in fear.

You kept moving, taking in the area around you. The path back to the cave led uphill which meant heading back would be harder and your ankle was already throbbing. You were seeking out places you could hide if the wolves did come running after you. To your left, as you got higher, there were some rocky surfaces that could offer you a place to hide, the cliffs.

Who were you kidding? If a pack of wolves came after you, you were dead.

As you trudged along scared with your ankle hurting, you hoped that Curtis and his men were okay. Had the wolves found _them_? Curtis and the men he took with him each day stood a better chance at a pack of wolves than you did, granted. But he wasn’t feeling well. He still had a fever not long before he’d gotten up to start his day, and you were worried that he was weakened because of it.

Honestly? If Curtis wasn’t able to lead, what would happen to you? It was in your best interest to keep him strong, healthy.

Shaking your head at yourself, you knew that wasn’t the only reason you were worried. He’d kissed you…

_Stop._

_You’re nothing but his front-end bed warmer._ He’d all but announced that to the group the day Nick cornered you in the spring. Sure, he’d handled you gently. Didn’t mean he gave a damn about you.

_If that was true, why did he kiss you like that?_

More howls echoed around you and they sounded closer. The sun was riding low over the horizon. Your heart flew as you tried to move faster, the pain in your ankle growing between the exertion and cold.

More howls, close and angry. The sound of growling.

_Shit._

You never saw the wolf before it was on you, pouncing on you from behind and pushing you into the snow. You screamed as you caught yourself on the ground, trying with everything in you to scramble away as you felt teeth press hard into the back of your thigh, trying to tear through the shallow protection of your pants. It wasn’t your injured leg, so you kicked back hard, rewarded with a loud yipping when your foot made contact.

You managed to pull yourself up, coming almost face to face with a huge, dark wolf. It was showing teeth, it’s eyes sunken and desperate as it stared you down.

_You were dead._

When two smaller wolves came up behind him, fear and panic really sank in. You knew on some level that the huge wolf about to spring at you was their leader, their alpha. The strongest. Like Curtis.

_You weren’t going to see Curtis again._

You tried to push down the pain that thought brought.

_Would he even find what was left of you?_

Making one last effort to save yourself, you sprinted for the rocks near the cliffs at the edge of the mountain, hoping to find a place to hide or where they couldn’t get you. Your breath came fast, your heart pounding fiercely.

You’d just reached them when a wolf pounced on you, pulling another scream from you.

“Here!” you heard a man shout nearby.

You were pushed to the ground where you wrapped your arms around your head, not knowing what else to do. The explosion of howls, cries, shouts, and blows raged around you, a full-fledged battle that seemed to last forever. You shook, not knowing who had found you, if the wolves would eat all of you, or what would happen.

You finally looked up and around when it got quiet, seeing a few dead wolves littering the ground not far from you. Sprays of blood across the snow caught your eye in the fading light. There was a group of men gathered around one man who you recognized from the cave, clutching his bleeding arm.

Roughly you were hauled up by the back of your coat. You struggled to find balance as you were placed on your feet. You hissed at the sharp pain in your ankle when you tried to put weight on it.

“Curtis, here,” Park’s deep voice came from above you.

_Curtis._

You didn’t know whether to be terrified or relieved that he’d and his men found you. He’d saved you. _Again._

But now he knew you’d disobeyed him.

Curtis’s expression was murderous as he marched in your direction. Your ankle cut out just as he reached you and you collapsed to the ground at his feet.

He was in your face the next second, grabbing the front of your coat in his fist and violently yanking you forward.

“I should leave you out here to fucking die,” he hissed at you, his glare inspiring more fear than the wolves had.

“Curtis, I’m sorry I—”

“Don’t want to fucking hear it,” he growled at you.

_He was pissed_.

“Harvey over there,” Curtis hooked his thumb over his shoulder to draw your attention to the thinner injured man, “could lose his arm.”

_And it was your fault._ He didn’t need to say it.

“I’m sorry,” was all you could say. “I had a good—"

“Shut up.” Curtis shook you. Then he hauled you up with him to stand, shoving you in front of him. “Walk.”

You tried. You took two steps and down you went, into the snow. Those intense blue eyes focused on your ankle before moving up to capture your gaze. You dropped yours, ashamed. Knowing you were in the situation because you were afraid of what would happen to you without the seeds you now carried and your own stupidity.

You shook your head at yourself. You should have listened. Curtis had a very good reason for telling all of you to stay in the cave. You thought you knew more. And you’d stubbornly wanted to acquire the seeds to protect yourself. To prove yourself.

Maybe if you’d told him the situation, you wouldn’t be here. Sure, he might have taken the seeds from you. But what reason would he have not to have you help? You did know more about them. And hadn’t he fed you and sheltered you so far?

Yes, for a price.

_A price you’re not so unwilling to pay…_

Now you were responsible for one of his men being attacked by a wolf. They all watched now, including the injured man he’d called Harvey whose dark eyes peered at you from under a cloud of whitish hair. His dark face was heavily lined, his expression concerned as he looked back and forth between you and Curtis.

“I’ll be all right, Curtis,” Harvey told him, his eyes kind on you. “She didn’t mean for _this_ to happen.”

Curtis glared at you. He must hate you now. And it would only be a matter of time before the others did too.

Hadn’t Jacob tried to explain to you how bad things were in the tail section? You probably didn’t know half of what these people had been through and you were adding to their problems.

You shook your head at yourself.

“Just leave me…” you muttered.

Curtis was back on your eye level, grabbing your coat and attention with a hard fist and piercing blue eyes. “What was that?”

The tears came on, mostly because you were angry at yourself. “Leave me,” you told him. “Make things easier for yourself… Just go…”

Curtis leaned in. “You’d rather freeze out here… then be with me?” his voice was low, biting.

You swiped at the tears running down your face with your glove-covered hands. You couldn’t meet his gaze.

Until he made you. With a rough hand, he gripped your chin and forced your head up. Made you look at him.

“Answer.”

“That’s not… what I meant,” you told him, holding eye contact even though it was uncomfortable. “I just don’t want to cause you or them… more problems.”

“You _won’t_ cause anymore,” he promised. His fingers squeezed into your jaw harder, making it hurt a little. “I’ll chain you to my fucking bed if I have to. You understand?”

You nodded, more tears sliding from your eyes. Shame burned your face because you knew they all heard what he said.

Hauling you up, Curtis lowered his shoulder and threw you over it none too gently.

Aside from the fact that you felt a little sick from being dangled from Curtis’s shoulder and that your ankle hurt, you couldn’t meet the gazes of his men who walked behind him through the snow. You couldn’t have felt like more of a pathetic idiot.

It was dark and colder when you made it back to the cave. Curtis dumped you unceremoniously just a few feet away from the fire where Timmy and Yona watched you with wide eyes while they ate.

Timmy put down the drumstick he was working on with a big grin, running to hug you and call your name. You wrapped your arms around the child, just grateful to be on the ground.

Curtis loomed over you, his gaze on the bag held to your body by its long canvas strap. Still looking like he could cheerfully murder you in front of everyone in the cave, he climbed up to his space without you.

You couldn’t eat. You were too upset by the events of the day. Yeah, you got the damn bag back. But what had you gained really?

What had you _lost_?

Curtis just might be done with you. Where did that leave you? Nick and his group stayed somewhere else but the minute he had an idea Curtis wasn’t protecting you anymore…

“What’s that?” Yona asked, pointing to the bag.

You slid the strap over your head to pull it off your body. “What I left for.”

“That?” Jacob hobbled over on his crutch to join you. “What’s in there then?”

Your gaze met with Jacob’s as he took a seat next to Yona, holding his hands up defensively.

“Hey, I didn’t say anything to him,” Jacob explained. “I promise. He didn’t even come talk to me… He—”

“Jacob,” you cut him off. “It’s not your fault…. It’s mine.”

“Are you okay?” he asked you while Yona’s gaze swept you.

You nodded, urging Timmy to eat. The child went back and picked up the drumstick, but his attention stayed on you.

“Curtis is mad at you?” Timmy asked.

You nodded.

“You said you were sorry?” the child went on.

You huffed a laugh at that. “I tried.”

“Tell him you’re sorry,” Timmy advised you with wide eyes. “But you have to _mean_ it. Momma said that was important.”

It wasn’t the first time you wished you’d met Timmy’s mother.

And you _were_ sorry.

Yona and Jacob watched on, smiling at the child’s faith.

You looked around until you spotted the one Curtis called Harvey, huddled by a fire with a small girl, just a little older than Timmy. He was peeling off his shirt to tend to his wounded arm.

It was on you that he was attacked but he’d been kind about it. Perhaps he’d let you help him.

Grabbing up the bag, you rushed over to him to see if you could tend his wound.

***

Curtis watched her from the entrance of his area, sitting at the edge of the rocks.

Harvey had been one of the lucky ones from the tail section. He had a small daughter and somehow, they’d both survived the crash. An older woman watched the girl each day for him so he could follow Curtis out to hunt or fish or explore for the good of the group. Harvey even came running when Park decided they’d better follow Curtis and make sure he was okay when he took off after her.

Just now, he was grateful they had.

While Curtis felt better than he had yesterday, he wasn’t at full strength. They’d already heard the wolves once today. When he’d returned to find her gone, then found her far from the cave and surrounded by wolves on her venture out, anger had nearly consumed him.

What he was trying to reconcile currently was _why_. Why had she taken off like that?

Scrubbing a hand over his face, he watched as she climbed clumsily to her feet and made her way over to the piles of fabric that had been recovered from the train. She could barely walk on that ankle now and he smirked in satisfaction at that. It wasn’t her discomfort. He was enjoying the peace of mind in knowing she wasn’t going anywhere on _that_. Not for many days.

When she found what she was looking for, she had Timmy and Yona fetch her a bowl of water. Curtis watched, a little surprised, when she began to clean up Harvey’s arm.

He could almost hear Gilliam’s voice in his head.

_Look at her. Those aren’t the actions of someone trying to escape, Curtis._

Gilliam had betrayed them all though. Maybe not Curtis. No, Gilliam had been working with Wilford behind them all, trying to establish Curtis as Wilford’s heir. He would have been pleased with the confidence his mentor had in him if it weren’t for a couple of things.

Curtis was a murderer who didn’t deserve to be Wilford’s heir or anybody’s leader. Period.

Gilliam had willingly put the people he thought they both cared about – Edgar, Tanya, Grey, Andrew, and the rest – in the line of fire. Gilliam hadn’t even been clever enough to know that _he_ was expendable to Wilford, getting shot in the head when things didn’t go as they’d apparently agreed upon.

If Gilliam had no trouble manipulating him as he had, talking to Wilford the entire time, he sure wouldn’t put anything past a woman from the front end of the train who didn’t have sense enough to listen to him. There was a reason he told them to stay in the cave. No survival instincts whatsoever. A beautiful fucking fool.

She’d shrugged off her coats in her position next to the fire, she sat on her knees next to Harvey, cleaning his wounds from the wolf attack. Curtis couldn’t help but admire the perfectly round shape of her ass. He liked that she was curvy, that she had an ass that filled his hands.

Driving into her from behind, one hand gripping that ass and one on her shoulder pulling her back into him was one of Curtis’s favorite things to do now. He loved her softness against him, the way her tight little pussy gripped him and made him fight not to come. He loved the chorus of sounds he could pull from her, enjoyed listening to her try to keep them quiet.

His jaw tightened as the situation ran through his mind again. She’d challenged his authority by leaving. Even though he didn’t think any of his crew would really think anything of it, it still didn’t reflect well on him. He needed to make sure she thought twice about taking stupid risks like that again.

Still, there was just one thing left haunting him.

Curtis needed to know exactly _why_ she’d fled.

Was she hoping that there were survivors from the front end to find? Had she been hoping to find her people because the tail section passengers weren’t good enough?

Then why was she washing Harvey’s arm? Why did she spend so much time watching and caring for Timmy?

Had she been trying to get away from _him_?

Curtis’s fists clenched as he thought about the nights he’d had with her. Did it bother her that her innocence had been taken by a tail sectioner? Had her reactions to his touch all been in his head? All been a lie?

He watched her shift to get a look at Harvey’s back, the flames now outlining her profile. Curtis’s gaze roamed over the soft swell of her breasts, the fine features of her face.

Curtis swallowed hard, hating how much he craved her.

He loved the soft slide of her hair in his hands, the silk of her skin. He loved the earthy smell and taste of her. He got hard just thinking about holding her hips down with his hands while he took her apart with his mouth, feeling the flesh of her inner thighs quivering around his face as he drank up all she had to offer. He enjoyed having her pinned beneath him, driving into her until she was drowning on her own ecstasy, until he reached oblivion inside her.

The possibility that she’d been running from _him_? That none of it had been real? No, he wasn’t willing to accept that. She hadn’t even been familiar with men when he’d claimed her. How would she even be capable of that type of artifice?

His heart squeezed in his chest.

Curtis didn’t know what to believe anymore.

Yes, he wanted her to want him the same way. He needed it. He thought he could be on the way to getting it but then she left…

The last thing Curtis needed was to lose his heart to her. To trust someone else emotionally only to have them betray him. Destroy him… To die because of a stupid mistake on their part.

Or his.

Her movements caught his eye, that bag he’d found on her. As he watched, she was pulling items out of it. Medical supplies.

As he watched, she began to dress Harvey’s wound, seeming confident in what she was doing. Maybe she had medical training. That could be useful.

Then it occurred to him. Had she gone back to the train just to look for medical supplies? To help them?

His right arm slid under his sleeve, smoothed over the heated wound just below his left elbow.

Did she do it to help _him_?

Curtis was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t immediately realize she was done with helping Harvey and glancing up at him while the other man pulled his shirt back on. His gaze met hers, the blend of fear and something he couldn’t name in her eyes messed with his insides. Had him wanting to know what she was thinking.

He hadn’t tried to listen to her, hadn’t accepted her apology.

Curtis would have let it go, let her worry about it overnight when she returned to Yona and Timmy’s fire.

But then fucking Jacob moved closer. The pretty little bastard with his missing leg had a charm about him Curtis didn’t possess. The last thing he wanted was to give the other young man a chance to get closer to _his_ girl. Wouldn’t she welcome the sympathy right now?

She _was_ his. Everyone else accepted that. Jacob needed to accept it.

_So did she._

“C’mere,” Curtis barked at her from his perch, watching as her eyes lifted and rounded in fear.

Slowly she nodded, grabbing the bag and bringing it with her as she climbed up to him.

***

You climbed up the rocks, struggling because your ankle was very swollen and the pain in it didn’t help. When you’d almost reached the top, Curtis hooked his hands under your arms and hauled you the rest of the way up.

“Thank you,” was all you knew to say as Curtis stepped back from you and dropped onto his bed.

His gaze on you was assessing and angry, but less so than earlier. His cap was still on, so was his coat. His elbows were resting on his knees, but he looked anything but relaxed. The intensity in his face, in those fierce blue eyes, made you afraid.

Taking a deep breath, you hoped he’d let you explain yourself now.

“Curtis, I’m sorry,” you began. “I only—”

“You were told not to leave the cave,” he cut you off. “Right?”

“I know but, I had these –”

“And you did it anyway,” Curtis went on like you hadn’t said anything. “Then we had to come save your ass. One of ours got attacked.”

“I took care of his wound,” you spoke quickly. “It was just his arm and I—”

“Just his arm?” Curtis sneered, leaning forward. His anger was palpable.

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say.

“Curtis, I’m _trying_ to apologize,” you pleaded. “It was my fault Harvey got hurt and that your people were put in danger. And I’m really sorry. Please, can’t you—”

“No,” he stopped you. “Whatever you went after that’s so fucking important?” He nodded to the bag you held by the strap with white knuckles. “You should have told me. We would have gotten it.”

“I hid it,” you explained. “You and your people had already been through the car and…”

His expression said _really?_

“Curtis, I—”

“How do I know you would have even come _back_ if you hadn’t gotten in trouble?” he demanded.

_That_ got your attention. You knew you were standing there staring at him with your mouth open. Your heart fluttered a little in your chest. He was upset because he thought you were trying to escape?

Or because he thought you were leaving him?

Jacob had been right.

“Curtis, I wasn’t running away,” you tried to explain.

Something like hurt flashed in his eyes for just a second and it gave you hope. Just maybe it gave you an opening.

“I’m sorry,” you said sincerely. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have snuck off like I did. Jacob even tried to tell me—”

“Don’t say _his_ name right now.” The anger was back, coloring his face his neck. “I’m trying to understand right now _why_ you did it. And I’m going to make sure you don’t do it again.”

His threat to chain you to his bed echoed in your mind and warily your gaze swept around his bed looking for any sign of a shackle or chain.

Curtis chuckled, a dry humorless sound. “Oh, I could make that happen, Sweetheart. But I don’t think you’re going to be doing a lot of walking on that ankle for a while. Not after today.”

He had that right.

You swallowed hard. “What do you plan to do then?”

You didn’t like the evil little smile that had formed on his lips.

“I’ve apologized, Curtis,” you said softly, humbly. “And I mean it. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”

“No, you won’t,” he said quietly. “I heard what Timmy told you. His mother Tanya was a good friend of mine. And she did say that. Tanya believed in apologizing when you’re wrong and meaning it… Didn’t stop her from giving Timmy a good spanking when he needed it.”

_Spanking?_

“What?” You glanced over your shoulder and back. “You already told… the men you were… going to…” You pointed weakly at the bed and wondered how fast you could get your ass back down to the main cave.

Then again, you wouldn’t put it past him right now to spank in front of the lot of them.

Curtis rose from the bed and you took a step back, the bag dropping from your hand.

“No.” You held your hands out in front of you trying to ward him off. “I told you I’m sorry. You really mean to humiliate me in front of all of _them_?”

He shook his head, moving closer. “I don’t care what any of them see or hear. They all know you’re mine to do with as I please. The only one not getting that is _you_.”

Your heart flew in your chest. You already let him have your body whenever he wanted. Now he wanted to beat you?

“What’s the matter?” he asked darkly. “Afraid that Jacob will hear?”

What did Jacob have to do with any of it?

Curtis dove for you before you could even think about trying to get back down to the main cave and you shrieked as he easily swung you around and dropped you onto his bed. Before you could get your bearings, he was shoving you onto your stomach, his hand roughly grabbing at your pants.

“No!” you cried, legitimately fighting him. You pushed up, managed to roll onto your back.

But you were still beneath him, scrambling to get off the bed while he made a grab for your wrists. It wasn’t much of a fight. He collared your wrists easily, pressed them down to the bed. His grip didn’t hurt but you couldn’t move with his hands pinning you and one heavy leg slanted across your thighs.

His cap had slid off in your struggles, his eyes glittered at you in the dim light before he lowered his head and his lips scorched a path from the base of your neck to the lobe of your ear. His lips and tongue teased your ear. He knew it was one of your weak points.

“Were you trying to get away from _me_?” his harsh whisper in your ear had you shivering beneath him.

Was _that_ what he thought?

“No, Curtis.” It was the truth. “I was trying to… to” Curtis pressed the hot ridge of his erection into the vee of your thighs and ground down. _Jesus._ “Trying to… help you.”

His mouth claimed yours and he kissed you breathless, tasting like lust and longing. You barely noticed when he released your wrists until his hands frantically worked at pulling your shirt off, practically ripping off your bra. The snap of the elastic hurt when it snapped against your skin.

On instinct you slapped him across the face, trying to get his attention.

Curtis shook it off. He was a storm above you, capturing your wrists again and holding them down by your head before dropping more of his weight on you. His greedy mouth returned to your neck and you closed your eyes, waiting for him to get rough with you. A little afraid he might hurt you.

His greedy mouth returned to the sensitive hollow beneath your ear and he hummed against your skin. You struggled against his hold as his lips chained kisses over your collarbone, down to your breasts. His lips closed around the hardened point of one nipple and the lust coursing through your own body had you instinctively rolling your hips up into him.

Those blue eyes were on you, wild with lust and victory as he teased your sensitive breast with his mouth.

You would be the worst sort of liar if you tried to deny that you were really turned on right now. Your thighs were clenching together, seeking friction you didn’t have. Fighting him had left you soaked. The fact that he was holding you down and teasing your breasts in all the ways he _knew_ you liked made the center of you ache. He was making you crave him.

He worked a heavy thigh between yours and you were too far gone to be ashamed of how your own thighs squeezed it as he pressed up into your aching core.

“Tell me you’re _mine_,” Curtis whispered against your lips, working against your center with his thigh. “Tell me…”

He drugged you with kisses, had you riding the edge of release on his thigh. You wanted to touch him, to pull him against you. But he held you fast.

“Say it,” he whispered into your mouth. “Say it… and I’ll let you come.”

You were struggling to form words. “Curtis… I…”

With a growl, he dropped his mouth over your other breast, teasing it with his mouth and keeping the pressure on between your thighs until release left you gasping, fighting to breathe beneath him.

While you lay stunned on the bed beneath him, he released you. Momentarily. You watched in a daze as he threw off his own coat and scrambled to strip the rest of you bare. He had your legs thrown over his shoulders by the time you were coming back around, wrapping his arms around your thighs to hold you open for him.

You cried out when his mouth claimed your most intimate flesh, kissing your lower lips at first like he’d kiss your mouth. When his tongue flicked against your bundle of nerves, you twisted beneath him because the pleasure was sharp and riding you hard again. 

Your hands clutched at his head, your fingers sliding through the short silk of his hair. It caused him to moan into you, the vibration had your channel clenching, your thighs fighting to force him away. But Curtis held you open, his tongue darting into your channel to drive you insane. You went wild as he fucked you with it, seeming determined to pull you apart again.

You gasped when he lifted his head and the cool air hit the overheated flesh of your pussy.

“Say you’re mine,” he demanded.

You were afraid not to say it because he could stop and if he stopped now, honestly, you felt like you could die from needing release so badly.

“I’m yours,” you whispered as his lips pressed burning kisses into your thighs, his tongue darting out to pick up any traces of you. “Please…”

“What was that?” his voice sounded rough.

“I’m yours,” you said in a broken voice.

Curtis dove back into your center, lashing your clit with his tongue and fucking you with it at turns until he sent you flying again. You were pretty sure it was you that made that wailing sound that echoed above you. You could care fucking less. All you wanted was his mouth on you. All you could feel was his tongue against your clit and the finger he slid carefully into your channel where you needed it most. When he slid a second finger in and began to curl them just so against your inner wall, you cried out again, a high desperate sound.

The sight of Curtis’s head between your thighs, his mouth on you, his fingers brushing a spot that made you want to jump out of your skin, and his hips urgently working against the bed beneath him sent you off again. You clamped around his fingers, milking them but craving another part of him as you rode the wave of release he sent you on.

The cave around you was fading to black around the edges of your vision as Curtis rose above you. He peeled off the shirts he wore, ripping the buttons open on the last one before lowering his head to claim your mouth in a possessive kiss.

“Say you’re mine,” he demanded again.

You _were_ his.

You nodded, watching him push his pants down, almost drooling at the sight of his swollen cock. Taking himself in hand, he lined himself up at your entrance and wasted no time pushing into you.

_Yes._

The stretch and burn were everything you wanted and needed. You moved your hips with him, wanting him inside you as deep as he could go. You wanted him to fill you, to possess you completely. When you had that, and he was as far as he could go, Curtis again grabbed your wrists and pressed them down on either side of your head.

Then he held perfectly still.

_Damn him._

Your body clenched around him, your hips trying to roll, to move him. But he didn’t budge, just held you there, denying you friction.

“Tell. Me. You’re. Mine.” He took the lobe of your ear between his lips while you struggled to get him to move. “Say it and I’ll fuck you… Say it.”

“Curtis, please…” you felt as if you were going to spontaneously combust. “I’m yours… Yours… I’ve given you… everything…”

He rose above you then, something in the depths of those blue eyes had your heart shifting in your chest. Shadows of longing, loneliness…

“Not everything,” he whispered, almost sounding sad.

You didn’t have time to think about it when he began to move. As he always did, he kept his strokes slow at first, easy. You wrapped your legs around his slim hips, urging him to move faster and harder. He had you so worked up you just knew when you came again you might just pass out. You were fine with that.

Curtis was hard inside you. You could tell he wanted to torture you more with all the things he knew made you crazy, but you could tell he was close. When his thrusts gained in speed and strength, you hung on, bracing for a high you didn’t know you’d survive.

“Curtis, please,” you begged him. “Please… I’m yours… I’m yours. Just yours… Please let me come…”

Angling his hips, he hit the right spot within you, and you exploded. The world was lost to you as you writhed beneath him, your body spasming around his until he pulled free of you. Pleasure coursed through you like lightning, leaving you wrung out and stunned as you began to spiral down.

Later, you didn’t know how much later, you were warm. His solid heartbeat was beneath your ear, the warmth of his bare chest beneath your cheek. You were mostly sprawled across him, your swollen ankle resting on his balled up coat.

His arms were wrapped around you, one of his hands sifting through your hair.

You were barely able to lift your head, to look into his eyes. But you needed to tell him…

“Curtis,” you whispered. “I wasn’t trying to leave you. I had to get my bag… it has…”

“Shhh,” he soothed, gently pressing your head back down onto his chest.

“I got the answer I wanted,” he told you. “You can tell me about the bag tomorrow.”

You wanted to tell him about the seeds, but you were so tired.

“Tomorrow,” he said again. “Sleep now.”

You let yourself drift away into the darkness, safe in Curtis’s arms.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #I do NOT consent to have my work hosted on any third party app or site. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but archiveofourown or tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission.#

Curtis woke up later than usual. Park peering over the ledge of his space with a concerned expression woke him up.

“Curtis, you okay?” the man who’d become his second-in-command asked.

Just that thought felt like a betrayal. Edgar had been his right-hand man. _Edgar…_

Shaking off sleep, he surveyed his surroundings. Everything was quiet. She was snuggled into his side, only the top of her head showing above the covers.

Park’s gaze landed on her. “Is _she_ okay?”

Curtis nodded, satisfied that the other man couldn’t see anything of her. She was naked beneath the bedding.

“Me and Sky went back and brought the wolves we killed up,” Park went on quietly. “Between those and the geese left over, we can probably take a day off. We should have enough to eat.”

Nodding, Curtis mouthed “thank you” and Park took that line to mark his exit.

Curtis wasn’t in a hurry to get up today. His girl had her head resting on his chest, her soft little body pressed into him. Her palm rested over his heart and her thigh crossed both of his, dangerously close to his aching cock.

No, he wasn’t in a hurry to get up at all.

When her hold tightened on him in her sleep, Curtis wrapped his arms around her, enjoying the comfort she offered.

It wasn’t lost on him that in the tail section, he’d spent years planning the revolt. Always thinking of how it would go, what they would do when they gained control of the train. He hadn’t slept in, he hadn’t stopped planning. He’d spent every minute considering every angle of the strike.

Now, they were off the train. They were free and no longer subject to the brutality of the front end. No more beatings, killings. No more freezing off the arms of his people for the slightest provocation. The few children they had left were safe now. No one was going to come and take them away.

It was done. Their freedom bought with the sacrifice of so many good people who should be here with them.

It had only been a couple of weeks ago, but Curtis found he was still in that mindset. _Plan, wait, execute, survive._

Curtis knew before long they’d need to migrate. Earth was livable again just like Nam said. Perhaps there were warmer places than the mountains where they currently were. They’d been scavenging the train cars for items they needed to survive, sure. They were hunting and fishing for game to keep them going. But he was keeping a keen eye out for maps, compasses.

They had older folks and children. If they were going to survive moving from where they were to somewhere else, he wanted to establish the safest, shortest way he could. There could be other survivors out there who might not be their people. They’d need to keep a sharp eye out for others. They knew there were wolves now. It only stood to reason there would be other predators.

Glancing down at the girl in his arms, Curtis considered maybe she might know which cars things like maps were kept in. Her bag and whatever it contained was important enough for _her_ to go back to the train cars.

She stirred in his arms, slowly lifting her head to gaze up at him.

“You’re still here?” she whispered, rubbing at her eyes.

He couldn’t help but smirk at her. “You disappointed?”

She shook her head. Scrambling around, she spotted her sweater above his head. Holding the blankets to her chest, she made a grab for it.

Curtis grabbed her arm, cutting her off. “You don’t need that just yet.”

Her eyes widened on him, making him realize she was still a little afraid of him. His heart shifted in his chest at the thought. But for now, it was for the best. If she was a little afraid of him, maybe she wouldn’t make stupid-ass decisions as she had yesterday.

“You’re still mad at me,” she said, dropping her gaze and trying to pull her hand out of his grip.

He didn’t deny it. And he didn’t let her go.

Curtis rolled her under him, loving how warm and soft she was. Loving that her mind was clouded from sleep. Dipping his head, he brushed his lips over hers, keeping the kiss soft and promising more. It was only a beat before she was kissing him back, sending his heart flying.

“I guess I am,” he admitted as he slotted himself between the soft fire of her thighs. “What do you think we should do about that?”

Her gaze moved over him as he braced himself above her on the forearms he planted by her head. When her gaze moved over his arm, the sight of the cuts from the engine just below his left elbow had her freezing under him in alarm.

“It’s worse,” she muttered, her hands flying to his arm and assessing the angry, red cuts.

She startled him when she managed to scramble out from underneath him, successfully grabbing one of his shirts and clumsily buttoning the front to cover herself before reaching for the infamous bag. The same bag she’d gotten herself into trouble with him to retrieve.

While he wanted her back under him, or on his cock in whatever position, his curiosity was piqued. He really _did_ want to know what was so fucking important.

She began pulling medical supplies out before taking hold of his shoulders and pushing him back onto his makeshift bed. He let her, watching while she shifted to his side to get access to his wounded arm. She got right to work on tending the infected cuts that carved deep into his forearm.

“So medical supplies?” he asked, trying to distract himself from the pain as she lanced one of the more infected cuts. “That was worth risking your ass for?”

She didn’t look up from her work. “Maybe… They’ll help heal _this_ anyway.” More pressure. He watched the infection seep from the wound into a cloth she’d pulled from the bag. “How did _this_ happen?”

Curtis huffed out a laugh. “Stopping the sacred engine.”

That stopped her. Her gaze on him was nothing short of astonishment. Not that he held her gaze that long. The curve of her breast was visible from the front of his shirt. His right hand slid up her arm, moving towards that breast.

She brushed his hand away, staring him down. “You _stopped_ the engine? You… caused the crash?”

She took his lack of an answer as confirmation, shaking her head and getting back to tending his arm.

“Why did you do that?” she asked quietly.

Curtis shook his head, not wanting to have _that_ conversation. Maybe it was better to let her think he did cause the crash, that the deaths of most of the passengers on the Snowpiercer were on him.

At the end of the day, he _was_ a killer. She’d probably be running from him if she knew about Edgar, Edgar’s mother… Hell, she might end up running from him anyway.

Stealing glances at him as she worked, she started cleaning up the wounds. She was idly chewing on the inside of her cheek, something he’d noticed she did when she was lost in her thoughts.

“Stopping the engine didn’t cause the crash though,” she reasoned as she pulled a slender, half-used tube of something from her bag. Carefully, she began applying the ointment in the tube to his wounds, her mind going a mile a second. “There was an explosion. I saw the flames burst out of the engine car right before everything…”

She surprised him by looking up, her gaze searching his for a long moment. “I’m right, aren’t I? The explosion… that wasn’t you, was it?”

Scrubbing his free hand over his head, he dropped his gaze. After a moment, he shook his head.

She hummed to herself. “That wouldn’t make sense.”

“Why wouldn’t it make sense?”

“ Something Yona said,” she went on, not looking up. “Wait. Did you do this… pulling Timmy out of the engine?”

Curtis remembered feeling ill when he’d helped Yona pull up the floor tile to see Tanya’s baby boy, working in the engine like a piece of machinery. It tore at him that she never got to see her son again and Curtis hadn’t been able to save her.

“You wouldn’t have wanted any of them hurt… I see the way you act now with the survivors, Curtis. You _care_ about them. You go out every day to find things they need for survival, food.”

“You say _they_ like you’re not part of all this,” he pointed out.

She flinched at his words, still not meeting his gaze as she worked at lightly bandaging his arm now.

“I’m just… I’m your…”

He’d expected her to make some reference to being from the front end of the train, not part of his people. He had a smartass reply ready.

Instead, he read shame in the quick glance she threw at him, in the drop of her narrow shoulders. His heart sank in his chest when he realized what she’d really meant.

_You’re just my… what? Whore? Is that what you think?_

The way she tried to make herself smaller made him think that maybe that’s exactly what she thought.

Curtis didn’t like it. _He_ didn’t think of her that way.

Yeah, she was his and he’d made sure everyone _knew_ she was his. There were reasons.

Nick and his outcasts lingered by the mouth of the cave each morning, waiting for Curtis, Park, and the rest of his men to get started for the day. It didn’t sit well with him how they stared at Yona while she slept, how Nick kept his eyes on Curtis’s area like he was hoping to catch of glimpse of her. _His_ girl.

Nick knew he was having her. Everyone did.

But to Curtis, it wasn’t a demeaning thing. It was a mutual arrangement. He thought she understood that. She gave him her body, and he made sure she enjoyed it too. It wasn’t like he just climbed on top of her for a quick fuck to get himself off.

In exchange, he kept her safe. There were at least two dozen young men in the group who’d survived the crash. Now that they were off the train, out from under the threat of the front end, they’d be looking to get laid. It was human nature.

Her being from the front end made her the enemy. They’d have fucked her to death that first night.

That was why Curtis had made it clear to everyone that she was in _his_ bed. It was part of the arrangement. And it worked. No one bothered her because she was his.

Yona and Timmy had taken to her easily. Jacob talked to her and Curtis didn’t like it. But he didn’t think Jacob would really try anything with her.

_He’d better not._

The small sound of her sniffling pulled him out his head, had him noticing the fact that she was blinking back tears. Swiping at one eye with the back of her hand as she finished up her bandaging.

Curtis had to fight down the impulse to pull her into his arms, promise her he’d never let anyone hurt her. He wanted…

Curtis reached down and grabbed the long strap of her bag, hauling it and himself up so he could see what else was in there. Her eyes widened at first, but she didn’t try to stop him. Quietly, she just set her supplies to the side.

The small photograph in the old metal frame drew his attention first. It was small enough to fit in the palm of his hand. It was a picture from before the world froze. A sunny porch, a cabin somewhere. It was clearly her in the picture and she looked maybe ten. She wore a blue dress, a warm smile. She’d been happy. The couple standing just behind her were her parents. He saw each of them in her young face. Her mother’s nose and lips. Her father’s jaw and eyes.

“How old were you?” he had to ask.

“Nine,” she muttered, absently picking at a thread at the hem of his shirt. “It was only about four months before everything froze.”

“Where are your parents?”

“Dead.”

Her head was bowed now, she was trying to hide her face in her hair.

Curtis tipped her chin up with his fingers, wanting her to look at him. “What happened?”

Her eyes were shiny with tears, but she wasn’t trying to hide them now.

“My father worked for Mr. Wilford back then,” she said, trying to hold his gaze when his hand lowered, found hers working at the hem of his shirt. Her hand was cold and it shook slightly.

Curtis grabbed her around the waist, pulling her into his lap. She didn’t fight him.

“Tell me,” he prompted her, smoothing a hand up and down her back.

“My father was an engineer,” she explained. “He continued working for Wilford after the freeze. We had our own space at the front. We were comfortable for a time.”

Curtis could feel the tension in her body, sensing her story didn’t have a happy ending.

“We didn’t see Mr. Wilford very often the first few years,” she went on. “It was oh, six or seven years before things…” She took a deep breath, trembling against him. “I think maybe it was my fault…”

That got Curtis’s attention.

“Mr. Wilford _liked_ me,” she whispered. “Looking back, I guess he had a thing for…” Another deep sigh. “He’d ask us up to the engine for dinner, my parents and me. We went a few times. Then one night, he asked if I could stay and talk to him… By myself.”

She’d been nine when she’d boarded the train. Six or seven years put her at fifteen, maybe?

Wilford had been a fucking pervert then.

“He didn’t do anything that night,” she continued. “He did just talk to me. Mostly about himself. I just listened, answered his questions. The next time we went for dinner, he asked me to stay after again. My father… he sent me back to our car with my mother. He stayed and talked to Wilford.”

It sounded like her father had been a decent man.

“Hours went by, Curtis. My father didn’t come back. My Mom, she laughed. Said they were probably just talking about old times over brandy or something…” She sniffled, steeling herself to finish the story. “He didn’t come back. Minister Mason said they’d been talking when my father… he collapsed they said. His heart.”

Curtis doubted that._ Bastards. _They’d killed him.

“You don’t believe that,” he said flatly.

She shook her head.

“Wilford came by our car to pay his respects he said,” she went on. “He kept trying to get me away from my mother to talk to me… I was so afraid.”

“What did you do?” he asked gently.

“I made it through that visit,” she told him. “Then… he sent me a message.”

Message?

She reached into the bag, pulling out a very familiar bullet-shaped silver vessel. Her fingers shook when she pulled the tattered piece of red paper from inside it and opened it up.

In the same familiar handwriting Curtis remembered from the train, it read, ‘I want you.’

“He sent it in a vase of roses that day,” she explained. “When he showed up a little while later… God, I was terrified. I made it out of our car without him seeing me. The roses gave me the idea of hiding in the greenhouse car.”

He watched as she rolled that note up meticulously and carefully placed it back in the small container, tucking it back into the bag. Why did she keep it?

“I was so scared he’d… hurt my Mom,” she went on with tears in her voice. “But I got lucky. He became interested in another girl. She had the weirdest name. Claude… She was about my age. She just went with him and then, he left Mom and me alone. We were moved back into the cars with the workers which Mom said she didn’t mind, but I know she hated not having privacy. Especially when she got sick… She didn’t like people to see her when…”

Curtis rested his chin on her shoulder, pulling her in closer to lend her his strength. Oh, he did understand. While her conditions were better than what they had in the tail section, the lack of privacy was something he understood all too well. No dignity, even for the dying.

_When was the last time you were alone? You can’t remember, can you?_

“I took care of her until she passed,” his girl finished. “And I just worked in the greenhouse. Doris, the lady who managed it, she hid me that first day. She was kind to me. She taught me everything.”

He held her until she started to relax.

“Wasn’t your fault,” Curtis whispered. “Your father. Your mother.”

Her laugh was a raspy, humorless sound. “I try to tell myself that, Curtis. I do… Not sure I believe it. The more time goes by… I think, maybe, yeah, it was my fault somehow.”

They had more in common than he realized.

He held her as she fought to get her tears under control. Pressing kisses into her hair, he just waited. He learned from Gilliam that if you wanted someone to tell you anything, all you had to do was wait. Eventually, they’d tell you.

“These are the biggest reason I went back for the bag,” she explained, reaching back into it.

Curtis pulled back to get a look at what she held in her hand. Several tiny, clear plastic bags rested on the palm of her hand. Plucking up one, he took a closer look. It took him a moment to put together what was in them.

“Seeds,” he muttered.

Eagerly, she nodded, shifting in his lap so she could meet his gaze. Her face was lit up, her enthusiasm obvious.

“I went back for these when it looked like your revolt was going to be successful,” she explained. “I grabbed as many as I could… When I went back yesterday, I found a few that I’d missed.”

His mind spun. Looking around her into the bag, he saw there were dozens of those bags, all different types of seeds.

“What are they?” he asked.

“Mostly seeds for fruits and vegetables,” she replied. “But some are plants we used to make medicines. A lot of prescription meds people were on went extinct. But Doris? She taught me how to use herbs and botanicals to make poultices, remedies of all kinds.”

Curtis’s grip on her eased, his doubts rearing up in the back of his brain as the wolves had yesterday. On the heels of her story, his suspicions rose.

“I thought… If things thaw enough or if we can make something like a greenhouse, we could grow food, Curtis,” she explained brightly. “I’m good at growing things. I can harvest seeds too for the next season. It can help keep us fed.”

_Us._

He was trying to reconcile her actions with her words. Now she was saying _we_ and _us_.

She said she hadn’t been running from him. But maybe she meant to offer a trade…

“You thought…” He scrubbed a hand down his face, feeling like the biggest piece of shit ever. The realization hit hard. Had she meant to offer him the seeds and her knowledge of them for her freedom? From him? Is that what made her desperate enough to pull the stunt she had yesterday?

“I thought,” she said slowly, her gaze meeting his, “I could _help_. If we had big enough crops, we could even store some of it when weather hit that wouldn’t allow us to plant… I don’t know how the weather is going to go. Will we get the seasons back? I guess we won’t know for a while.”

He understood that she wanted to help. That she wanted to help _his_ people, well, he wasn’t that surprised now that he knew a little more about her.

“I thought that…” she dropped her gaze and her voice, “that when you… get tired of me, well, I was hoping this might be enough for me to stay here. Earn my keep, you know?”

That stopped him cold. “What?”

Pain flashed in her eyes when she returned her gaze. “You’ll get tired of me eventually,” she said slowly, looking close to tears again. “I thought if I could… do something to contribute after that, to help… maybe I could stay.”

She hadn’t been trying to free herself of him at all.

Curtis released the breath he hadn’t realized that he’d been holding. Relief washed through him even though he still felt like a piece of shit for making assumptions.

She may not have been from the tail section, but he realized now that like them, she was just trying to survive.

When he didn’t immediately say anything, he watched worry cloud her big eyes.

“W-what do you think?” she asked finally, her voice small.

Curtis gently took the bags of seeds from her hand and tucked them back into her bag. The worry etched in her face only increased as she watched him shift the bag off the bed.

“I think we have some plans to make,” he said finally, smiling at her. “You’ll have to explain to us what needs to happen and when but…”

When she threw her arms around his neck and kissed the breath out of him, he couldn’t have been more surprised. But he sure as hell wasn’t going to stop her. Curtis returned her kisses, getting his arms around her, shifting her until her legs were wrapped around his hips. The only thing keeping him from thrusting up into her was the bedding that pooled around his waist.

His hands roamed her as he let her take the lead, let her kiss him as she wanted. Slowly the tension eased from her body and when his tongue traced the seam of her lips, she let him in, angling her head to deepen the kiss. Her kisses progressed from unsure to greedy and he let take what she wanted, what she needed.

When she pressed closer to him, she lifted just enough for him to get his hands on her ass, filling his hands with it. He loved her softness, the heated press of her against his cock. He was fucking hard and the realization that she’d started grinding against him, only made it worse.

Curtis pulled his mouth from hers, chaining kisses across her cheek to her ear. She shivered against him when he teased the shell of her ear with his mouth.

“What do you want?” he whispered hotly in her ear.

She hesitated, her hands clutching at his head, his back. “We can do whatever you want… we can…”

“What do _you_ want to do?” Curtis was serious. His right hand slid further, finding the wet folds of her sex slick and swollen. “You’re awfully wet for me this morning.”

Curtis grinned at the gasp his words and fingers pulled from her.

“You want my fingers?” he asked even as he began to tease her with them. Curtis pressed heated kisses beneath her ear, teasing her with his lips and tongue and enjoying the way she was squirming in his grip. “Or do you want my mouth?”

The heated huff of a gasp that earned him was enough of an answer. He surprised her by dropping back onto the bed, his grip on her hips tight. Confusion flashed in her eyes as she scrambled for balance. When he began hauling her up his body, realization had her eyes wide on him.

“C’mere,” he said hotly. The only thing she wore was his shirt, leaving the wet desperate flesh he wanted to taste ready for him. He manhandled her until she straddled his face, chuckling when her hands covered her face in her embarrassment.

Oh, she wasn’t going to be embarrassed for long.

When she went to try and lift off from him, he tightened his grip, not wanting to give her a lot of wiggle room.

“What makes you so sure I’m going to get tired of you?” he asked before pulling her down to his mouth and diving in.

Curtis knew now how to take her apart. He teased her clit with his lips and tongue, knowing just how much pressure to use to drive her wild. He worked her up slowly, teasing her bundle of nerves with quick, light flicks. When he began tracing her opening, pushing his tongue into her, the desperate little mewls she was trying to bite back had him hard as a fucking rock. He could listen to those sounds all damn day.

By the time he was full-on fucking her with his tongue, he glanced up to see she’d filled her hands with her breasts, plucking at her nipples with her fingers. It was one of the most erotic goddamn things he’d ever seen. It was all he could do not to come as he watched her, mindlessly dancing on his tongue.

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. Reaching up with a hand, he ripped the damn shirt open, wanting to see those magnificent breasts.

“Keep going,” he muttered into her center.

Without hesitation, her hands went back to her bared breasts. Her fingers plucking at the diamond-hard peaks of her nipples had him growling into her. He doubled down on his efforts, needing to bring her off so he could get his cock in her. Needing to fuck her in the worst way.

Curtis barely hung on as she came apart above him, her tender flesh quivering around his face, her essence smeared over his nose and cheeks, soaking his beard. The taste of her filled his mouth and it made him harder. If that were even possible.

She sagged forward above him, fighting to breathe.

Curtis didn’t have time for that.

“Get on my cock,” his voice was rough, and he was desperate. Curtis shifted her down his body, probably a little rough but she stayed upright, moving in that direction for him.

He pushed the bedding off, revealing his swollen cock. She straddled his hips and made him hiss when she got her hand on him, giving him a couple of gentle strokes before holding him up for herself.

Curtis moaned, almost shooting off as he watched her slide down on him, watching her pussy swallow him. When he was buried in her, he grabbed her hips, pulling her down and grinding up into her.

“Ride me,” he said roughly.

Planting her hands on his chest, she did just that. The hot, velvety walls of her little pussy were wrapped so tightly around him he could hardly breathe. She moved up and down on him slowly at first, trying to figure out what felt good. Curtis breathed through it, trying to think about the seeds, about how to cook wolf meat. He was fighting to hang on, his cock hard and aching inside her.

Finally, she found a rhythm, she starting moving on him and rotating her hips in a way that had him losing his fucking mind. He was determined to make her come again before he did, fighting her as she moved on him harder, fucking herself on his cock with growing determination. Her nails were digging into his chest, and he liked the light pain. Her thighs were a vice grip around his hips, holding him in place.

He knew the minute she worked him against her g-spot. Her mouth fell open and her eyes squeezed shut as she desperately chased after that feeling again. When she found a way to hit that spot with each motion of her hips, Curtis fought to hang on. Her walls tightened around him, her movements sped up, pushing him to the edge. Finally, she fell over him, crying out in the hollow of his neck while her intimate walls pulsed hard around him.

Curtis couldn’t hold off any longer.

Flipping her onto her back, Curtis rode her hard, chasing his own release while she lay dazed beneath him. Everything faded around him when he finally reached his explosive end. He pulsed into her, thrusting desperately until he’d given her everything, filled her up.

Curtis’s breathing was ragged when he pulled himself up, realizing he’d collapsed over her when he’d reached his end. When he reached for the covers to pull over them, he caught a glimpse of the wet flesh between her thighs, his come seeping from her before she pulled them together.

He hadn’t meant to do that either.

Scrubbing a hand over his head, he pulled the covers over them both. Settling on his side, he pulled her against him while they both struggled to breathe again.

“Did you mean it?” she finally asked, her big eyes on him.

“Which part?”

She play slapped his chest and he laughed.

“The part about trying to plant those seeds,” she said breathlessly, “and making plans.”

Curtis pressed a kiss to her forehead and tightened his arms around. “I meant it… Just… give me a few minutes.”

“Okay,” she muttered. But she snuggled closer to him, holding him tighter.

No, Curtis wasn’t in a hurry to get up today.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some violence in the form of fighting and harassment.
> 
> #I do NOT consent to have my work hosted on any third party app or site. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but archiveofourown or tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission.#

You’d just finished breakfast, watching Timmy play with Harvey’s daughter Eva. Curtis and his men had brought back a number of things from the train cars they’d located over the last several days. Since Curtis planned on the group migrating from the mountains before long, they only scavenged what they’d need to survive. Medicines, coats, shoes, clothes to replace the ones some of the tail section passengers had been wearing for years.

Curtis had given you the task of sorting through the items and distributing them to those who needed them. You weren’t complaining. You had Yona to help you and it gave you an excuse to talk to the other people in the cave.

Not one of them was unkind to you. They didn’t treat you any differently at all. The one older couple, David and his wife Rachel, were favorites of yours. They’d been all too happy to tell you more about what had gone on in the tail section of the train during those eighteen years.

At the front, you’d all been led to believe the people in the tail were practically criminals, happy with their situation and place. In truth, they were ordinary people, good people, who’d been brutalized and murdered. The beatings, the starvation when they withheld what he called “protein blocks.” They’d frozen people’s limbs off as punishment.

They’d taken their children. You couldn’t imagine.

David told you of a man named Gilliam who’d been a leader, a mentor to Curtis. Apparently, he’d been shot in the head and it had been televised for the entire train to see. You had missed that broadcast and you were grateful, They did it just to try and demoralize Curtis and his band of rebels.

The couple, along with everyone else, thought the sun rose and set on Curtis.

“Those of us left?” David said meaningfully. “We owe our lives to him.”

You nodded.

“Honestly, I do too,” you told him and his wife. “Even though I’m…”

Rachel smiled at you, fondly laying a hand over yours. “You’re one of us now. Doesn’t matter where on the train you came from really. Curtis trusts you.”

You smiled, nodded. You knew you should be grateful to be accepted by almost everyone. You should be grateful that Curtis snatched you away from Nick and his friends and kept you for himself. Otherwise, you weren’t sure you’d still be alive.

But did they miss the part where you weren’t exactly given a choice in the matter? To hear them tell it, Curtis had swept in and rescued you heroically even though you were from the front end. You’d been too upset at the time to notice a lot, but most of them _had_ to have seen him carry you over his shoulder into the cave that night, right? If Yona knew the truth of your “relationship” with him surely, they did too.

_Curtis trusts you._

That was perception only. Curtis didn’t trust you. Hell, he believed you were running away from him when you went back after your bag. They _thought_ he trusted you.

But didn’t that all go away when he didn’t want you anymore?

You were so conflicted.

It had been a couple of weeks since your adventure to go and fetch your bag. Since the morning after when you’d talked to him about the seeds and their potential – and your willingness to help with them – he hadn’t said anything else about it. You’d agreed not to say anything to anyone else about the seeds and to keep them hidden for now.

They _were_ valuable.

His demeanor with you _had_ changed after you’d talked about your family, your time on the train. He talked to you more, about his day, about his thoughts on the future of the group. Always speaking in terms of “us” and “we”, making sure you were included. You could’ve taken that and ran with it. Made assumptions.

But people weren’t always as they seemed. You’d always thought Wilford was a great man who loved your father. Then he’d killed your father and banished you and your mother to the worker cars like so much rubbish he was done with.

Curtis could do the same thing one day.

“What’s wrong?” Yona drew your attention away from the pile of nice clothes you were sorting through.

You shook your head, smiled. “Nothing. A little bit of a headache.”

Yona eyed you skeptically but shook her head. “Best take something for it. We’ll be going soon.”

“What?”

But she’d already wandered off, taking a pile of shirts she’d put to the side for Jacob and joining him at a fire several feet away.

Yona said the strangest things sometimes.

Curtis was gone with his men each day before you woke and back before dark with the day’s haul. If nothing else, it was game or fish so most everyone could eat. At night, you followed him up to his bed and Curtis worked you until you couldn’t keep your eyes open. Where he got the stamina after trekking around the mountainside all day long you had no idea.

The hours with him in his bed were the biggest source of your conflict.

You were supposed to be his captive, being in his bed was what you offered for his protection. You offered your body and he took it.

It just wasn’t as simple as that.

Curtis spent a lot of time kissing you first, sinking his fingers into your hair and holding you in place. He spent even more time learning you. At first, you thought he was just making up for lost time in doing everything sexual he could think of with you. It didn’t take you long to realize he was finding all the places that drove you wild, had you writhing beneath him, desperate and wanting.

Even in those first few nights, he’d never hurt you. But it didn’t take long for you stop dreading the nights ahead to watching him at dinner with your core clenching in want, wondering how long you had to wait for him to touch you, to bring your body to life as only he could.

You were on dangerous ground.

It didn’t mean he felt anything for you.

And last night…

Last night, when you’d followed him up to his bed, he’d been all over you, greedy and impatient about it. He’d nearly torn your clothes in an effort to get them off you, pressing you on your back beneath him while he hadn’t even removed his coat or his hat. His lips had burned a path down your body, down to the apex of your thighs. His hands roughly pulled your thighs apart and he dove for you with his mouth, working you up quick and dirty. Your hands pawed at his cap, his coat, his hands. You gasped as he ate you out, biting back moans until he used his fingers to push you over the edge.

As you lay there recovering, he’d loomed over you like a dark angel. His hands struggling to open his pants. Impatiently, he pushed them down just over his slim hips and took himself in hand.

You’d wondered what had gotten into him?

There was no time to think about it because he draped himself over you, pushing into you with an urgency that already had your core tightening around him. The rough fabric of this clothing felt good against your bare skin, his long coat enveloped you both in a world where it was him inside you, chasing pleasure and pushing you towards it.

You’d just been on the edge of orgasm, Curtis holding you down so tightly it was just shy of being painful while you were clamping around him…

“Curtis.”

The sound of that voice made you freeze, had every bit of pleasure draining from you in an instant. Curtis froze above you, his expression darkening fast as he panted above you.

_Nick._

“I’m not interrupting anything… am I?” the bastard went on.

Furiously, Curtis removed his coat, keeping you hidden beneath it. You could feel the anger rolling off him as he tucked himself back in and slid out from under the coat to face the other young man who kneeled just at the entrance of Curtis’s area.

While you curled into a trembling ball under his coat, Curtis grabbed the front of Nick’s jacket and pulled him forward, getting in his face.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Curtis asked with his jaw locked tight, looking ready to rip the smaller man apart.

Nick’s gaze flicked to you and he smirked. “Didn’t realize it was a problem, Curtis. Sorry… People fucked out in the open in the tail section all the time.”

When Curtis twisted his fist, Nick’s gaze was forced back to him.

“We’re not on the fucking train anymore,” Curtis bit out angrily. “Answer me. What the fuck do you want?”

It looked like some of his air had been restricted in Curtis’s grip. It would have been satisfying to watch Nick swallow hard in fear if you hadn’t been so afraid. You began reaching for your clothes, trying to get dressed without anyone noticing while they were focused on each other.

“Found what you were looking for,” Nick said with a lot less swagger. “Going to have to pry our way into it because of the way the car landed when it crashed but… we should be able to manage it.”

Curtis’s murderous glare didn’t ease at all.

“We spent half the night… looking for the fucking thing,” Nick went on with a tone suspiciously close to whining. “Thought you’d be happy.”

With a harsh shove, Curtis pushed Nick backward. Nick’s hand rose protectively to his throat from where he landed on his ass.

“We’ll check it out tomorrow.” Curtis stared him down.

This was the part where Nick was supposed to leave. You could see from the challenging glint in his eyes that he knew it too.

“Figured finding all that was a big deal,” Nick went on, jerking a thumb in your direction. “Maybe enough… to earn me a turn with her.”

Curtis didn’t move, didn’t blink. You froze, your knuckles white on the edge of the panties you’d just pulled on. Your heart began to throb painfully in your chest.

He wouldn’t, would he?

“Get out,” Curtis’s tone chilled your blood.

Nick paused. He did have the good sense to look terrified.

“Fine… that’s thanks for you,” Nick’s confidence was waning. “Bet you would have shared her with Edgar, wouldn’t you?”

Curtis sprang at him, grabbing him by the throat and shoving him down onto the rocky floor. Holding Nick in place, his fist started flying, connecting with Nick’s face over and over while the young man pounded at him, fists striking Curtis’s back, his legs trying to kick.

When Nick managed to pull out of Curtis’s grip, you grabbed the coat and fled to the corner and made yourself small. Curtis didn’t let him get far, beating him brutally.

Park climbed up then, his gaze sweeping over them, you. In an instant, he grabbed Curtis by the shoulders, trying to pull him back.

“Curtis!” Park shouted. “Hey!”

After a moment, Curtis stopped, anger still flashing in his eyes.

Nick’s face was bloody. The same blood was on Curtis’s fists.

“Let him go,” Park pleaded with Curtis.

Nick finally took his cue to leave, rising on shaking legs and not sparing you a glance as he scampered back the way he came. Curtis’s glare followed him.

“I’ll go get some water for you to clean up,” Park offered, patting Curtis on the shoulder and glancing you with concern edging his expression.

“M’fine,” Curtis told him. “Thanks, Park.”

You watched with wide eyes as Park followed Nick down and out of Curtis’s area. Curtis had found a bowl in one of the train cars he kept water in, used it to wash his hands. He wasn’t looking at you though you could tell he knew exactly where you were.

You had no idea what to do, what to say.

Slowly, keeping the coat around you, you crawled after your discarded clothes, slowly began to dress. You could feel him tracking your movements out of the corner of his eye as he scrubbed the blood off his skin.

With shaking hands, you finished buttoning up the shirt you’d only recently pulled from the pile downstairs.

“Are you okay?” you asked in the gathering darkness.

He still wasn’t looking at you.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Drying his hands on his pants, he finally turned to you long enough to reach for his coat. “Go to sleep.”

You’d heard the name Edgar mentioned before. You were guessing he was someone Curtis lost. Trying to get him talking to you, you rose on your knees as he shrugged into his coat.

“Who’s Edgar?” you asked carefully.

Curtis’s expression turned hard. You watched his shoulders drop and he pulled his gaze away to hide his eyes from you.

“I said go to sleep,” he snapped.

His coat back on, he’d headed down out of his area. You didn’t know where he went. Eventually, you’d fallen asleep. He wasn’t there when you woke up.

It had left you feeling unsettled this morning.

Someone placed a hand on your shoulder, and you were so lost in your thoughts, you jumped.

Something like hurt flashed in Curtis’s eyes when you turned to find him crouched behind you. It was the first time you’d seen him since the fight with Nick.

“Sorry,” you muttered.

“How’s that ankle?” He nodded to the one you’d injured in the train crash.

The swelling was all but gone. There were deep bruises, but they only brought minor pain now.

You nodded. “Better.”

“We’re going to take a look at a couple of train cars,” he explained. “You and Yona are coming with us.”

That was odd.

“Timmy?”

“Old David and his wife agreed to keep an eye on him,” Curtis told you. “Get your coat.”

You glanced around until you met Yona’s knowing eyes, her coat already on and fastened around her.

How did she always seem to know what was going on even before it happened?

Nodding, you scrambled up to his space where your few things were kept. You grabbed your coat, some old gloves you’d found, pulling them on before climbing back down.

Curtis came to stop before you. Reaching into the pocket of his coat he pulled out a blood-red cap that didn’t look too different from his.

“Here,” he handed it to you. “Put this on and tuck your hair up into it.”

You scrambled to do as he wished but it took a moment because you had a lot of hair. When he pulled out a black knitted scarf, he wrapped it around you, covering your nose and mouth and then pulling up the hood of your coat.

Glancing over you, he nodded his approval. “Let’s go.”

Where were you going?

Curtis led you beyond the mouth of the cave where Park, Harvey, and the rest of his men waited. Including Nick and his friends. Nick’s face was bruised, cut. His gaze on you was cold, assessing.

_Well, fuck._

Curtis grabbed your shoulder, turning to face you and Yona.

“You both stay right behind me. You understand?”

You both nodded.

You were off, trekking through the snow in a direction you hadn’t explored before. You’d maybe walked for an hour when you came to what you realized was the engine and the first few cars of the train.

Why were you there?

Turning back to you and Yona, Curtis leaned down.

“We’re looking for maps, compasses, anything that can help us pinpoint where we are and where we can go,” Curtis explained. “You’ve both been in the front cars. Where would these things have been kept?”

Yona gazed at you blankly.

Your gaze lifted to Curtis. “In Wilford’s quarters,” you explained. “No one else was really that interested.”

You had Curtis’s undivided attention now.

“There was a drawer he pulled out from the wall,” you explained, “near his phone. He pulled out a map to show us at dinner once. That was years ago but…”

“Show me,” Curtis demanded. He walked ahead of you in the direction of the main car with Park and Yona on either side of you. The rest of the group followed.

The explosion that had crashed the train had done a lot of damage to the car where the sacred engine was housed. What was left of the car was laying on the side where the door had been blown off.

Curtis and Park began searching around the car for a way in while the wind picked up, blowing snow around you in chilling waves. While they climbed around looking for a way in, Harvey herded you and Yona closer to the mountain to help block the wind.

You watched patiently for a few moments and eventually they found something. Park waved Harvey and the rest of their guys forward, leaving you and Yona by the cliff.

So, you thought…

They were prying something open on the other side of the car and even Yona was moving closer to see what progress they were making. You went to follow her when an arm wrapped around your waist and yanked you back hard against a solid form.

“Got a good look at you last night,” Nick whispered hotly in your ear. “Curtis rutting into you… You enjoy it, don’t you?”

Humiliation had your face warming and you pulled against his hold. Nick wound his other hand around your chest, one hand over your breast. Considering the heavy coat and all the layers you wore, he didn’t feel much. But his touch at all had your stomach churning, your heart racing in panic as you fought against him.

“Let me go,” you said as forcefully as you could, trying to pry his hands off you. It was like fighting an octopus. Even with the beating he’d taken from Curtis last night, he handled you with ease, backing you into the rocky wall with enough force to wind you.

“You think Curtis is a good man?” Nick was in your face, anger turning his face red. “Think he’s a fucking saint because of all those docile fuckers in your _communal_ cave?”

Your gaze tried to move around him, to see if anyone had noticed you weren’t there.

Nick angled himself to be in your view.

“He’s no saint,” Nick spat at you. “Why don’t you ask him about Edgar? Huh?”

You planted your hands on his chest and tried to push him off you. “Please stop. Please, Curtis—”

“Listen!” Nick yanked you towards him just to slam you back against the rocky wall again. “Edgar was his right hand on the train, the one he trusted more than any of us. Know what happened to _him_? Curtis left him to die. Left him for one of you front-end fuckers to shank him in the back… I saw it.”

You just stared at Nick. You didn’t know who Edgar was, but you remembered Curtis’s reaction when you’d asked. A wave of dread only heightened the nausea and fear that gripped you.

“Yeah?” Nick’s gaze searched yours. “Never talks about him, does he?”

Tears stung the backs of your eyes as you tried to scramble away from Nick. To your panic, he wasn’t letting you get away from him.

“It might just be even worse than that,” Nick leaned in to whisper by your ear. “Heard a story about how Curtis killed Edgar’s mother when everyone first boarded the train… Why would someone make _that_ up about Saint Curtis if it weren’t true? Huh?”

You didn’t want to hear more. You didn’t want to be there with Nick at all. With what he’d tried to do to _you_? Why should you believe anything he said?

“Maybe he’ll kill you too when he’s done fucking you.” Nick kept your shoulders pressed to the wall while you fought his hold, the scarf wrapped around the lower half of your face falling away as you struggled. “If not, I’ll be here waiting.”

When Nick smashed his lips to yours you tried to scream, tried to bite him. You pushed back against him with everything you had but he wasn’t going anywhere, pushing his body up against yours. When he angled his head and tried to force his tongue in your mouth, you bit him.

Nick pulled back and hit you across the face _hard_.

“There,” you thought you heard Yona, coming toward you.

All at once, Nick was jerked roughly away from you. Yona’s eyes were wide as Curtis spun him away from you and threw him down into the snow.

“Fucking stupid, aren’t you?” Curtis loomed over him with fists clenched.

“Me?” Nick tried to sound incredulous, spitting out blood from your bite. “Your little whore was coming on to _me_.” Nick skittered backward in the snow like a scared crab as Curtis advanced. “Had her hands all over me. Her tongue in my mouth… Fucking bit me.”

“No,” Yona said flatly.

Curtis glanced over his shoulder at Yona before his gaze landed on you. So many emotions blended in those stormy blue eyes.

You swiped at your lip with the old gray glove you wore, not surprised at the blood on your fingers from the blow.

Nick took advantage of the small distraction to try and get up and run, but Park grabbed him. Harvey came up to grab his other arm.

There was tension in every line of Curtis’s form.

_Was Curtis going to kill him?_

“Hang onto him,” Curtis ordered them. “We’re going to do what we came to do.”

Hauling Nick to his feet, Park and Harvey held onto him. The rest of the group formed a half-circle around them, and Curtis gazed at each one in turn, daring any of them to intercede on Nick’s behalf.

None of them did.

With that, Curtis walked in your direction. You were trembling hard, leaning on the rock wall for support. His cold hand cupped the side of your face, looking you over. The gentleness of his touch was a sharp juxtaposition to the barely controlled rage you could feel running through him, feel in the vibration of his hand.

His thumb slid carefully across your split lip.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was so low you at first thought you’d imagined it.

Still blinking back tears, you allowed him to wrap an arm around you and guide you in the direction of the car that held the sacred engine. He helped you in through a jagged hole in its side, never letting go of your hand now.

“This was Wilford’s place,” Curtis said as Yona climbed in behind you.

It was. Everything was tipped on its side, but you recognized it.

“There’s the phone,” Curtis pointed to the metal plate with a large “W” on it not far in front of you.

Carefully, you made your way over to it. The drawer he’d pulled the map from had been just under it. The drawers were metal and heavy. You had to pull them straight up to open them. Your hands were still shaking when you pulled at the drawer you remembered. Curtis came up behind you and hauled it open so you could reach inside.

Grabbling everything quickly, you found your lap filled with maps, notebooks, pieces of paper with meticulously neat handwriting on them.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” one of Curtis’s men muttered from behind you.

Curtis blew out an exhale above you, lowering the drawer. “Found them. Let’s get back.”

Stuffing everything you’d found in a bag he slung over his shoulder, Curtis took your hand and kept it all the way back to the cave. You were shaken from your encounter with Nick.

Worse, Nick’s words were on repeat in your head, preying on your mind.

Nick wasn’t right about any of it, _was he_?

You climbed up into Curtis’s space the minute you got back, no one said anything to you. You pulled off the cap, scarf, gloves, your coat, and boots. Then you climbed into Curtis’s bed, feeling tears running down your face but not really knowing how to feel right now.

There were times when Curtis could be so kind to you, almost caring in his own way. Everyone here in the cave had faith in him, trusted him with their lives.

Wouldn’t Nick lie to you to get back at Curtis? Why should you believe there was any truth to what he said at all?

_What if some of the things he said were right?_ Why had Curtis reacted as he did when you’d asked who Edgar was?

You didn’t know what Curtis was doing with Nick and you weren’t hungry. Eventually, you drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

***

The nightmare had you shooting up in bed, hand pressed to your chest as you struggled to breathe.

You’d dreamed Nick had come in the night to take you away and Curtis had been nowhere to be found. They’d dragged you out of the cave and into the snow, stripping off your clothes as you struggled. From behind the group of Nick, and his friends, Wilford himself has loomed over you, smiling in that way he had that made you nervous, made you feel like he’d devour you…

You glanced around in terror, not finding Wilford or Nick or any of his friends. Just the darkness and Curtis sitting up next to you, pulling you into his arms.

He carefully pulled your head against his chest, stroking your hair. The solid steady beat of his heart in your ear, helped you to slow your breathing.

“You’re safe,” Curtis whispered above you into your hair. “You’re with me.”

You wrapped your arms around him, held on tightly. You felt safe right now in his arms. He felt so good, so warm.

Trying to push everything else out of your mind, you pulled back from him, so you could gaze up at his face in the shadows.

Your hand slid up his chest, up to his face. His beard was soft under your fingers. When he turned his face to press a kiss against your palm, you shivered. Sliding your hand up, you slid your fingers through his hair. While he’d kept his beard trimmed, he was letting his hair grow out and it was lighter in color than you originally thought.And soft under your fingers.

You caught him off guard when you pressed up to kiss him, being careful because your lower lip stung.

“Make me forget, Curtis,” you whispered against his lips, asking for what you needed now. “Please?”

His arms tightened around you while kissed his mouth, teasing the seam of his lips with your tongue. He let you in, let your tongue dance with his as both your hands clutched in his hair. You kissed him until you felt lightheaded, until you couldn’t breathe.

Your fingers found the buttons of his shirt, undoing them as you pressed your lips to his jaw, his neck. You pushed his shirt back off his shoulders impatiently, teasing his chest with lips and tongue. You enjoyed the taste of his skin, the growing tension in his body as you explored him with your hands and mouth.

When his hands slid around you to pull at your shirt, you grabbed them, lacing your fingers with his. Throwing your leg across him, you straddled him, urging him back onto his bed. You pressed his hands down on either side of his head. It was ridiculous because he could throw you off so easily. But he watched you with darkened eyes, allowing you to move him as you wanted.

Dropping his hands to his sides, he watched you as teased his nipples with your mouth, scorched a trail down to the top of his pants. Working them open quickly, you grabbed his pants, his boxers, and pulled them down hard, almost pulling them off by yourself. Curtis helped you, kicking them off so he was stretched out before you, uncovered while _you_ were dressed this time.

His cock was at attention, hard and waiting against the muscled wall of his abdomen. You slid your hands up his heavy thighs, up to where you almost touched him on either side. His cock twitched as you watched, _you_ did that, and it gave you a small semblance of control.

“Please fucking touch me,” he whispered roughly in the darkness.

You took your time, sliding both hands over the heated length of him, the swollen head. You curled the fingers of one hand around his sac as he’d shown you while the other carefully grasped him, working him in slow, easy strokes. His hips came off the bed when you pulled his head into your mouth, swirling your tongue around him in no particular hurry.

Still, it was gratifying to watch his hands clutch at the bedding beneath him until his knuckles were pale.

Curtis swore under his labored breath as you loved him with your mouth, pulling him to the back of your throat and teasing him with strokes of your tongue at turns. What you couldn’t fit in there, you worked with your hands. When you took a long swipe up his length with your tongue, you watched his sac draw up.

Curiosity had you lowering your mouth to his balls, gently pulling one in to test it on your tongue, then the other. His thighs were clamped around you now, tense and trembling. His fingers sank into your hair, trying to steer your movements. Only a few seconds passed like that before he was pulling your head off him.

“I can’t hold on much longer,” Curtis managed, struggling to breathe. His cock was hard and straining in your hand. “You want me to make you forget? Or you want me to come in your mouth?”

Your hands went to your own pants and that was the only answer he needed. You thought maybe to ride him again, but Curtis was on you, pressing you onto your back. His hands stripped away your pants and panties, his hand sliding into your aching flesh and finding you more than ready for him. His moan was a deep rumbling sound as he moved over you, positioning himself at your entrance.

You were soaked and he slid right in, filling you, stretching you in a way that had your thighs locking around his hips, ready for the ride.

Curtis slid his hands under your back, hooking his fingers over your shoulders which kept him close to you. So close he could sample your lips with his own, he could drop heated kisses up and down your neck until you were shivering against him. When he thrust up, he could pull you down onto his cock and it pushed your pleasure to a nearly unbearable level, had your hands clawing trails into his back.

“Feels _so _good,” he whispered into your ear before teasing its lobe with his lips and tongue. “Always feel… so fucking good for me… So tight…”

Curtis kept his movements slow, but his thrusts were hard. He took your cries into his mouth as his pelvis hit your pulsing clit with each thrust, insistent until you came apart around him. Your pussy squeezed him, had him speeding up inside you as the edges of your world started to fade.

When he stopped, your eyes flew open. His hands slid around to your breasts, giving them a fond squeeze before he pulled out of you, trailing kisses down your body.

“But you—”

“Want to taste you,” he whispered against your tummy before nuzzling into the sensitive flesh between your thighs.

And he did. Curtis took you apart with his fingers, his tongue. Your body was seized up in pleasurable with alarming speed as he fucked you with his fingers first, his mouth gently sucking on your clit. You were on the edge of release when he stopped, moving down to fuck you with his tongue until you were clenching hard, rocked by intense waves of pleasure as you came but empty inside.

“Wanted to… come… on you,” you panted, thinking it was too still.

You opened your eyes in time to see him climb back up your body, his eyes glittering dangerously in the small amount of light around you.

“Want to come on my cock?” he whispered, mouthing at your nipple through your shirt.

You shook your head, your hand smoothing through his hair. “Don’t think I can…”

Pulling your thighs up around his waist, Curtis speared into you, still hard and swollen.

“I think you can,” he said against your lips.

All you could do was hang on as Curtis literally fucked you into his bed, his hips ending a random thrust here and there with a dirty grind, the weight of him holding you in place. His mouth never left yours, greedily taking your cries into your mouth as he thrust hard and fast until you had no choice but to come, the orgasm you didn’t think you had left hitting you like a speeding train.

Curtis pulled his mouth away to breathe, to growl into your ear as he came, pulling out to splatter your thighs with his release that just kept coming, like he’d never be spent.

Dropping heavily next to you, Curtis used his pants to clean off your thighs before resting his head on your chest carefully.

“M’I too heavy?” his voice was breathy and rough.

“No,” you whispered, wrapping yourself around him as one arm slid across your body, pulling you closer to him.

“Your heart is flying,” he whispered.

It was. Not in fear and doubt. No, you pushed that down. You’d face that tomorrow.

For now, tonight, in the darkness, Curtis was yours. Your refuge.

When you managed to get back to sleep, listening to the soft cadence of his breathing, you didn’t dream. You fell into a restful sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #I do NOT consent to have my work hosted on any third party app or site. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but archiveofourown or tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission.#

Curtis returned to his area from washing up, trying to be quiet.

She was fast asleep in his bed, curled up and small. She’d always slept that way. It made him wonder if that was just how she slept. Maybe she just didn’t feel safe.

He didn’t like that thought.

She’d had no more nightmares after the one that had torn her from sleep last night. She’d woken him up muttering in her sleep about Nick, about Wilford. His blood had run cold. Wilford couldn’t hurt her anymore. He was dead. Curtis had searched until he found the bastard’s body, wanting to make sure.

And Nick? Curtis wanted to fucking _end_ him.

It was bad enough that Nick had come creeping up into his area the night before while she’d been under him. Anger had gone to his head. He didn’t want Nick seeing any part of her, didn’t want Nick anywhere around her. When he’d suggested that finding the train car had earned him a “turn with her,” Curtis had barely stayed in control. When he’d invoked Edgar’s name, he’d lost it. Park’s intervention was the only reason Nick was still walking.

The worst part had been the look in her eyes like she thought for just an instant Curtis might grant the other man his wish and give her to him.

Blowing out an exhale, he pulled the bedding up over her shoulder, tucking it around her to keep her warm.

Then yesterday… Curtis hated the way she’d flinched when he’d found her in the cave, telling her that they were going to find the engine car of the train. 

Yona had been the one to pull him away from finding a way into the toppled car, letting him know Nick had her.

Curtis hadn’t been prepared for his own reaction to seeing the stupid little fucker’s hands on her, his mouth on her. Nick had backed her up against the cliff, kept her there while she fought him just as she had the first night when Curtis took her away from him.

Curtis had guided her away from Nick, his fury barely in check. He hadn’t wanted to scare her more than she already was and honestly, he couldn’t trust himself not to fucking choke the life out of the younger man.

_How are you any different?_

So many feelings he thought he’d lost a long time ago warred within him as he considered how she’d come to be with him.

With every day that passed, he liked the arrangement they had less and less. There were moments like last night when she’d begged him to make her forget and kissed him so sweetly. It was so easy to believe that she might feel something for him in those moments, that there was a chance…

Whatever was between them, to him, felt like something else. Something his heart was coming to want.

Kneeling next to the bed, Curtis traced the scab on her lip with the tip of his finger.

If he were being honest with himself, he only had himself to blame for the situation. He’d created it. And now he needed to deal with it.

He knew today he’d be expected to deal with Nick, and he knew what _he_ wanted to do. But justifying killing him to the other tail section survivors? How was that going to go? While most of them seemed to like his girl, she _was_ from the front end. Getting rid of Nick the way he wanted to was going to create division.

At the same time, if Nick so much as looked at her wrong one more time, he couldn’t promise he could keep himself from fucking killing him.

His heart clenched in his chest.

Maybe if she understood that she was more than that, she wouldn’t be as terrified of the other man. She wouldn’t watch him with fearful eyes and think he was going to toss her out any minute.

Maybe if the group understood that she was more than some front-end tail he’d claimed, they’d accept her, be willing to fight for her.

Smoothing a lock of hair back from her face, Curtis reached a decision.

How things had been between them? It had to end.

Curtis wanted her kisses, her embraces. He didn’t want her under him because she thought it was her best chance at survival. He wanted her under him because she couldn’t survive _without_ him.

Nick? He’d deal with him. Curtis would fight for what was his.

Brushing a kiss over her forehead, he headed down into the main cave, ready to deal with the day now.

***

Park was waiting for him. “What are we going to do about Nick?”

Curtis expected the question. He stopped as he and Park were heading out of the cave, the other man waiting for an answer.

“Where is he?” Curtis asked, feeling like there was more to the story.

“Already has his little gang of thugs called to him,” Park said. “They’re calling for a meeting.”

Marching ahead of Park, Curtis found Nick’s small pack gathered around where Park had chained him to a spike, right outside the cave.

“Thought a night in the cold might make him think about everything,” Park offered.

Curtis shook his head. “Needs a brain for that.”

No, Nick fixed Curtis with a malevolent grin as he approached, his friends not looking quite so confident as he drew closer.

“Saint Curtis,” Nick called, his face flushed with angry color. “So, what _are_ we going to do with me, huh?”

Curtis’s other men gathered around as he eyed Nick steadily.

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” Nick said each word slowly as if doing so made them less a lie. “Simply came to tell you night before last that we found your fucking engine car and you damn near beat my face in for interrupting you fucking that front-end bitch.”

When Curtis didn’t respond to that, Nick pressed on.

“Then, yesterday your brought both front-end bitches with us to look for maps and when that little cunt you’re banging came on to me, you take me into custody,” Nick bit out angrily. “As if you have the fucking right.”

“He does,” Park spoke up. “He’s our leader. You’ve said so yourself.”

Curtis smirked at that. It was true. Up until the time Curtis claimed his girl and took her away from Nick, the younger man had done nothing but kiss his ass.

“He’s taking the side of two front-end cunts over _us_,” Nick told Park hotly.

“Not us,” one of Nick’s friends said, moving to stand with Park. “_You._”

Nick glared at his friend. “What fucking difference does it make? Those two were up there living it up in the front end while _we_ suffered. And he’s choosing them over _us_? _Me_?”

“I don’t want in this,” Nick’s defector friend said, holding up his hands.

Nick turned his glare back on Curtis. “What’s it going to be, Curtis? Gonna fucking kill me?”

He certainly wanted to and as he watched, the angry lines in Nick’s scowl begin to fade. He wondered if the little bastard was smart enough to realize that.

“You think everyone else that survived the tail section is going to still support you if you just execute me? Huh?” Nick’s face and neck were angry red.

“Could banish him,” Harvey offered, his glance swinging from Nick to Curtis. “Him and his bunch don’t do much anyway. Wouldn’t be a big loss.”

That was true enough. The lot of them always ended up tagging along. When it came to working, they actually did very little. The one who moved to stand with Park was the only one he’d ever noticed _trying_ to pitch in. Curtis thought his name was Luka.

Harvey made a good point, and he’d thought of that. But that would only come back to bite them in the ass. He’d given Mason a try, let her lead them through the train on their way to the front.

_Mason just led them into a fucking trap._

What was obvious was that Curtis was going to have to do _something_ because Nick wasn’t going to stop. And as long as Curtis tolerated his behavior, it invited challenge. He wasn’t inclined to let Nick stick around long enough to gain enough strength or support to challenge him.

As long as Nick was there, he’d be a threat to his girl. And that was enough for him.

“Why don’t we handle it the way we did in the tail section?” Old David came forward, using a fancy walking stick they’d found in the wreckage to help him walk. “Sounds like the issue is centered around that girl, yes?”

“She was _mine_,” Nick hissed at Curtis. “We found her in the wreckage, fair and square, and you just took her.”

“Yeah, I did,” Curtis told him flatly.

“Okay,” David broke in then, reminding Curtis just a little bit of Gilliam. “When there was a dispute over something claimed by two people, how did we handle it?”

Park nodded at that.

“We fought for it,” Nick smirked at Curtis. “It would appear those are your options then, huh? You can kill me, banish me, or you can fight me.”

“Are you stupid?” Luka told him. “If you try to fight _him_, he’ll kill you.”

Some emotion crossed Nick’s face before his features formed a determined glare. “I’d rather die fighting than be fucking executed. Especially for something I didn’t fucking do.”

Curtis took a menacing step toward him. “The _fuck_ you didn’t,” he growled. “You would have ripped her apart. She’s fucking terrified of you and you know that. She didn’t come on to you yesterday. But you were all over _her_.”

“According to who, Curtis?” Nick yelled. “The _other_ front-end cunt, wasn’t it? That Kronole-head’s daughter? Are you fucking her too?”

Curtis lunged forward, his fist connecting with Nick’s face.

Park’s hand on his shoulder kept him from swinging again.

Nick’s nose was bleeding but he laughed, his gaze searching Curtis’s. “Wait, I think I get it… You think you’re in love with her? Is that it, Curtis?”

Park got his arms around him, held him back. Curtis was ready to finish this _now_. Nothing that happened between him and his girl was the little fucker’s business.

_But he’s right…_

“You’re the one who’s fucking stupid, Curtis,” Nick taunted him. “You think she loves _you_? That bitch doesn’t love _you_. She’s fucking laughing at you.”

Curtis fought harder in Park’s hold.

“Especially after _everything_ I told her about you yesterday,” Nick finally said, his eyes lighting up in some insane triumph.

_What the fuck had Nick said to her?_

Somehow Park managed to hold him back, jerking Curtis a little to get his attention. “What do you want to do, Curtis?”

Fury had his mind spinning and he was caring less about the consequences by the minute.

“Let’s handle it the way we always did,” David called out while more people gathered around Curtis and Nick. “What say all of you?”

The decision was made as yells of “yes” and “yeah” filled the air. Curtis grinned at Nick coldly, shrugging off Park’s hold. He didn’t have to give the order to kill him or banish him. And he was pretty confident in his ability to best the little bastard.

“For the girl?” David looked from Nick to Curtis.

“Yes,” Nick said.

Curtis nodded.

“Winner gets the girl,” David continued. “How do you want to fight?”

Two axes got passed to the front, the same axes that had been used against them when they crossed Yekaterina Bridge. Park moved to remove the chains from Nick’s wrists. Curtis watched as one of his friends helped him to his feet while another took one of the axes, pressing it in his hand.

The other axe was passed to Curtis.

“To the death,” Curtis said loud enough for most of them to hear him.

Nick’s eyes widened in a blend of fear and drive that made him look mad.

“David,” Rachel, his wife, came to a stop by his side. “We did this on the train to settle arguments over _things_. Belongings… You’re talking about a person. She’s her own person.”

She was right.

Curtis knew that. And while what he was about to do left a sour taste in his mouth, it was still a chance to eliminate a threat to her. If he killed Nick for her, no one else was likely to ever question that she was his again.

And she _was_ his.

“Curtis?” Rachel tried.

“Stand back,” Curtis barked at them, wanting to get this done.

Park got the circle of survivors to back up, opening a wide circle at the edge of the cave where the fight would take place. Curtis noticed small things in the seconds before the fight was called to start. Rachel’s pleading glance up at her husband. Luka’s worry for his friend but his unwillingness to rejoin his ranks.

Looking on instinct behind him, he saw Rachel was leaving the gathering, taking Eva and Timmy with her.

That was when Curtis noticed her, _his girl_, standing there with huge fearful eyes on him, holding tightly to Yona’s hand. 

With a deep sigh, he turned back to his opponent, trying to steel himself for the fight to come. He almost wished she wasn’t there, watching. But there was nothing he could do about it now.

“Let’s do this,” Nick said, all bravado, in a way that reminded him for just a second of Edgar.

Casting a look at David, Curtis nodded.

“Begin!” David yelled.

Nick started moving, side to side, stalking to put on a show. Curtis had seen him do it before and it showed his lack of experience in a fight. A waste of energy.

Braced for the younger man’s approach, Curtis held his ground, making Nick come to him. It took him several seconds to work up to it. When he finally charged at Curtis to swing his axe, the amount of power he put behind the swing surprised Curtis a little.

It was easy enough to block the shot. Curtis used the momentum from the block to swing the axe the other way, to slice at Nick’s torso. Nick barely edged away from the blade in time, jumping back with his eyes darting up at Curtis.

With a good six-inch height advantage, Curtis swung his axe again, aiming for Nick’s shoulder and sending him scrambling away from him wildly.

Letting the younger man dance around him, Curtis kept his eye on him, waiting for him to make a mistake. And he would. Nick took shallow swipes at him at intervals, mostly going for his legs. Curtis kept pace with him, watching him tire. Watching his doubts and his fear slowly strangle him more than Curtis ever could.

“Remember this,” Nick was looking at Curtis when he spoke, but his words weren’t for him but the group around them. “He left Edgar to die… He’s turned on me for a piece of… ass… he’ll turn on you too.”

Nick’s remaining friends were shouting for him but everyone else seemed to realize that this wasn’t a sporting event or something to be celebrated. Gaining a little bit of courage, Nick swung up at Curtis’s face.

Curtis dodged and counter swung, his axe planting itself in the meat of Nick’s thigh, blood splattering from the wound as the younger man yelled out in pain. Nick froze, staring at the wound like he couldn’t believe it happened before looking up at Curtis, his face darkening in rage.

His axe forgotten, Nick charged at him with a yell and swinging his arms, trying to hurt Curtis in any way he could. He landed a blow to Curtis’s ribs with his fist before Curtis shoved him back, then kicked him further away. Nick swung at him with his axe, leaving himself open for Curtis to strike again, the blade sinking into Nick’s upper arm.

Nick’s scream was pain bonded with rage and it echoed through the cave eerily. Blood flowed from Nick’s wounds and he began to weave on his feet, the blood loss making him light-headed. It was easy for Curtis to kick his feet out from under him. Once Nick was stunned and on his back, Curtis raised his axe above his head, ready to finish it.

Nick barely managed to roll out of the way, his blood smeared where he’d rested briefly.

Curtis stalked after him, surprised when three of Nick’s friends grabbed the axe from his bloody hand and tossed it away. One of them held his hands up, stepping in front of him to face Curtis.

“He yields,” the other young man told Curtis.

Curtis was _done_. “Fight’s to the death,” he reminded them.

“We’ll take him and go,” Nick’s friend continued. “You won’t see him or us… no more.” Turning back around to the other two trying to haul Nick’s bloody form off the cave floor, his gaze was grave when he looked back to Curtis. “He’ll probably bleed to death anyway.”

When Curtis still advanced, a strong hand clamped on his shoulder, staying him. “He’s right,” Park said in a low voice behind him.

The group around them was quiet, watching in stunned silence as three of Nick’s friends started dragging him out of the cave, leaving a macabre red trail behind him. While the anger still flashed in Nick’s eyes, he was fading.

Maybe the son of a bitch would bleed to death, but frustration crawled beneath Curtis’s skin. Jerking out of Park’s grip, he went to follow them.

“Curtis,” Park’s voice was even, calm.

The spokesman turned back before they were out of view.

“Go before he changes his mind,” David called out to them. Members of the group around them murmured their agreement.

Another of Nick’s friends remained, moving to stand next to Luka.

“You sure about this?” Park asked him and Luka both.

“Fuck him,” Luka answered while the other one nodded.

Furious, Curtis threw his axe to the ground and stalked out of the cave, going in the opposite direction.

Thankfully none of them followed him.

Curtis walked for a while, his head a buzzing nest of bitterness, rage, and guilt. He was tired of fucking fighting. Tired of winning battles but losing the war.

He’d planned for _years_ to take the train, to use Gilliam’s example to do something for the people in the tail section.

Then he’d found out Gilliam had played him, betrayed the others. Maybe Tanya and Andrew didn’t have to die. Hadn’t Gilliam cared at all about Gray?

_Edgar…_

Curtis didn’t realize tears were sliding down his face until he came to stop, crouching in the snow and bitterly cold wind. He could still see Edgar in the clutches of that man in the nightmare vision of that battle with flames all around them.

Harsh sobs pulled from him, realizing now that choosing not to sacrifice Edgar had been for nothing. _Nothing_. They weren’t supposed to go further. They were supposed to recede as a thinner herd, provide some excitement for the front end on their news reports.

He’d _loved_ Edgar. He’d watched over him from the day he’d killed his mother until the moment he’d left him to die.

Curtis would never be able to forget the quiet acceptance in Edgar’s eyes when he’d left him in that man’s clutches to go after Mason. He’d never be able to unsee Edgar’s motionless body, lying face down on the bloody floor of the car, his eyes open.

He’d never be able to forgive himself.

He’d promised Tanya he’d find Timmy and for her, he’d take care of the child. But what if he failed him too? He wasn’t the leader they thought he was. He wasn’t a savior.

_… _ _he’ll turn on you too…_

Nick had been right to warn them all.

Curtis had some idea of what Nick might have told his girl yesterday. Was that why she’d had the nightmare?

Scrubbing his hands over his face, Curtis realized that he himself was _her_ nightmare.

Dropping down into the snow, he didn’t feel the cold, was barely aware of the freezing tracks of his tears.

Nick and his group would have torn her apart that night, would have left her wanting to die if she hadn’t.

Selfishly he’d told himself he was _saving_ her, protecting her. Curtis knew he’d just taken what he wanted from her.

Once again, the joke was on him. The more he had of her, the more he wanted. He’d told himself she felt the same way, that maybe…

She’d never see him as anything but a villain.

_Wasn’t he?_

Curtis had killed people. _Eaten_ people. Taken her.

He had been unable to save his friends, had chosen not to save Edgar. And in losing Edgar, he’d lost the only chance he had to ask for forgiveness for the blackest sin that stained his heart, that made him fight for the redemption he’d never deserve.

He didn’t deserve _her._

Curling in on himself in the snow, fuck, he didn’t know how far he’d wandered off, he dropped his head into his hands. He let the flood of pain he’d held back for years run down his face as the snow swirled around him.

She’d been right there for that challenge, everything she was up for grabs for the winner of the fight, robbing her of her dignity. But he’d done that all along, hadn’t he? If she didn’t already consider herself his whore, she definitely would now.

And that thought hurt his heart the most. What had she done to deserve that?

Taken care of him? Acquiesced to his demands and given him herself freely?

Sure, she’d run off that one time and he’d been damned lucky he’d gotten her back then. She wouldn’t do that again. And all because she wanted to help him and his people.

_Fuck._

Curtis hadn’t even managed to deal with Nick as he wanted. His friend had been right. He’d _probably_ bleed to death. But if he didn’t, he was still out there.

Still a threat to her.

Curtis knew that the best thing he could do for her, for any other them, would be to keep going and not return as Nick’s friend promised he wouldn’t.

But after some time, he didn’t know how long he stayed there with his heart cracked open in the blustery field of white, he wearily pulled his cold, stiff form clumsily up from the snow and began the trek back.

***

Timmy and Eva were playing with sticks, laughing hysterically as they pretended the sticks were axes and they were fighting. It was hard to enjoy their innocent play after what you’d witnessed today.

You’d felt hurt and humiliated at first. Yona wasn’t the only one who cast you a pitying glance when the challenge was issued. As Rachel said, you weren’t a belonging. You weren’t supposed to be something someone owned.

Wasn’t that what you’d become?

Watching the entire fight had been awful. On one hand, you’d been very afraid that Nick would find a way to win and then your worst fears would be realized. You’d be given over to him.

Worse than that, you were afraid of him hurting Curtis. You didn’t want him hurt or killed. Not over _you._

No, it didn’t feel good to be fought over like you were some inanimate object. But no one in the group, Nick and his friends aside, made you feel that way.

_Curtis, _if you were completely honest, never made you feel that way.

You could tell yourself that you were a convenience for him, but if that was true, why did he comfort you after your nightmare? Why did he fuss over your injuries? Take care of you?

The way he kissed you, held you…

When Nick’s friends dragged him away, Curtis’s men and the group encouraging him to let him go, your heart sank. It felt incomplete. What if Nick didn’t bleed to death? What if he came back? Came after you?

Came back and hurt Curtis?

This group of survivors, the small pocket of humanity surrounding you in the cave? They needed him to survive.

_You_ needed him.

You’d felt the anger rolling off Curtis as he marched out of the cave himself.

And he hadn’t been seen since.

You were scared. What if something happened to him? What if Nick’s friends got to him?

You’d even tried to make your way to the edge of the cave, thinking you could follow his tracks and find him. Just to make sure he was okay.

Park had stopped you. “He’ll be back.”

“How can you know that?” you asked the dark-haired man who Curtis relied on each day.

It was the first time you’d seen Park smile. “I just do. Try not to worry.”

You’d ended up back at the fire watching the kids, listening to Yona and Jacob talking quietly across from you and growing a little closer each day. You liked them together. They were cute.

“Have you eaten?”

Rachel came up behind you, a bowl of some broth she made in her hands. “Make an old woman happy and get something on your stomach.”

You were about to tell her you weren’t hungry, but she pressed the bowl and spoon in your hand, kneeling next to you by the fire.

“You can,” she told you.

Instead of bringing up what happened earlier, she sat down and started telling you funny stories about her life with her husband. You managed to eat when you weren’t laughing at her stories, grateful for the reprieve from what had been a miserable day.

Rachel had been just about to launch into another story when she looked at something behind you and smiled.

“I’ll save that story for another time,” she told you, nodding to your empty bowl. “Feel better?”

You nodded. “Thank you.”

Curtis walked around you, climbing up into his area without stopping to say anything. Your heart fluttered to see him.

You didn’t notice if Rachel went back to her own fire or if Yona and Jacob noticed.

He was back and he _appeared_ unhurt.

Climbing up after him, you found him sitting on the edge of his bed with his elbows on his knees, staring at the floor. When he didn’t look up, you took a chance and sat next to him on the bed. He was _so_ cold.

“Curtis,” you said slowly, “are you okay?”

Pulling off his cap, he ran a hand over his growing hair, his gaze still fixed in front of him.

“What did Nick say to you?” he asked quietly.

Carefully, you wrapped an arm around him. You couldn’t tell if he was shaking from the cold or something else.

“Yesterday,” Curtis went on when you didn’t speak. “What did he tell you?”

Blowing out an exhale, you gazed up at him.

“He told me about Edgar,” you answered honestly. “He said he’d been your right hand on the train.”

Curtis nodded. “Did he tell you… I let him die?”

“Yes,” you admitted, not liking the hurt etched in his expression.

His eyes were red, swollen. “What else?”

You shook your head, not seeing why that mattered now. Curtis was back and he was obviously wrecked.

“Just mentioned Edgar and how you weren’t a saint,” you said, not wanting to get more detailed right now. Not when he looked so broken.

“What he said was true.” Curtis’s gaze locked with yours, the pain in his eyes made you flinch. “I _did_ let him die.”

“I’m sorry.” You meant it.

Curtis huffed out a dry, humorless laugh. “Why are you up here then? Why do you want to be up here knowing what he said was true? That I betrayed someone… someone I was supposed to protect?”

His eyes demanded an answer, glossy in the faint light. It broke your heart a little to see such a strong man reduced to the state he was in.

“Curtis, I didn’t know him,” you explained. “But _you_ did… You must have a good reason.”

A single tear slid down his cheek. “Answer me… Why are you here?”

“Because you loved him… And you lost him.” You brushed away that tear with the pad of your thumb. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so hurt.”

Curtis’s gaze stayed on you, searching yours. His eyes showed a storm of emotions and it looked like he was barely holding it back.

“I’ve done other things…”

“We don’t have to talk about that right now. You need to rest,” you pleaded with him.

“I’m sorry about today,” he whispered. “How you must have felt…”

“It doesn’t matter how—”

“It does,” he cut you off. “It matters… Hope one day, you’ll forgive me.”

It mattered to him how _you felt_? He wanted your forgiveness? Your heart skipped a beat under that intent gaze.

When he pulled you into his arms, his grip was tight. He held onto you like a life raft in a stormy sea. Wrapping your arms around him, you just held onto him, hoping you could warm him. He’d been out in the snow for hours.

Wanting to comfort him, to piece him together again.

Easing back, you began unbuttoning his coat. It had been dark for a little while now and he needed to rest.

Curtis didn’t say anything, just pulled off his boots, his coat. When you climbed into his bed, he followed you, allowing you to pull the covers up over him as he stretched out on his back. He _was_ warmer and some of the tension had left his body.

Curling yourself around him, you lay your head on his chest, got comfortable. When his arms wrapped around you, you sighed. It was the best you’d felt all day.

When his heart slowed from that terrible rhythm into its normal cadence when he slept, you felt safe in trying to go to sleep, trying to remember the good things.

Nick was gone. Curtis was back and he’d gone to sleep in your arms. Tomorrow would be better. It had to be.

Snuggling into his chest, you had almost drifted off to sleep.

Curtis’s arms tightened around you and he pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“I love you,” he whispered.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #I do NOT consent to have my work hosted on any third party app or site. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but archiveofourown or tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission.#

“You okay?” Yona asked as you sorted through items from the train.

Honestly, you weren’t sure. You’d been lost in your thoughts for days, those whispered words playing over and over in your head.

_I love you._

You knew Curtis thought you were asleep when he said it. What you couldn’t get your mind around was _why_ he said it.

He couldn’t have meant it. Could he?

Lowering the sweater you’d probably been folding for five minutes, you blew out an exhale.

“I’m okay,” you told her. “I think.”

“It’s warmer out there,” Jacob announced as he approached the two of you. He often took walks outside the cave each day while Curtis was gone, just to keep an eye on things. “And there’s less snow out there.”

Jacob had explained that he watched where the snow hit on his crutch and that was how he tried to track it. His words brought hope, and didn’t you all need that?

Curtis and his party were having to go out further each day to find game and some days were lean. He’d met with Park last night, pouring over maps. You knew he was planning for the group of you to move soon.

You knew that you were somewhere in Russia. Curtis wanted to take Park and a couple of others to go scout for a couple of days, to see if they could find a new location to the south that would sustain the group. Then he wanted to find the safest way to get there.

Curtis kept putting off that trip though and you were afraid you knew why.

_You._

“Think he’ll go looking for a new place for us soon?” Jacob asked you.

How did you answer that?

“Maybe,” you replied.

Your group was going to _have_ to move before too long just to survive.

“He doesn’t want to leave you,” Yona pointed out.

So they were thinking what you already knew. Curtis was probably afraid you’d try to run again.

“I’m sorry,” you muttered, working on folding a pair of huge trousers.

“No,” Yona said, placing a gloved hand on your arm. “Don’t be sorry.”

“He’s just looking after you is all,” Jacob pointed out. “Considering that a couple of Nick’s friends – or ex-friends I guess – are still around… I get that. But I’m here. He could leave someone else he trusts behind with us. Harvey maybe? Harvey’s little girl is here anyway.”

Was Jacob right? Was Curtis just wanting to make sure no one messed with you while he was gone?

Or was he afraid you’d leave?

_Were you trying to get away from me?_

Maybe he was worried about both?

Still, Jacob gave you an idea for later.

You nodded and he pitched in to help you and Yona get everything sorted. Rachel came over to help you while David told stories of some funnier things that happened at the back of the train. It helped pass the time.

The sun set and once again, Curtis wasn’t back at dark as they always had been before. You found yourself watching the entrance of the cave every few seconds, watching for him.

“They’re out there talking,” a new voice came from behind you.

Turning with the bundle of items you’d put together for Harvey’s daughter Eva, you found Luka standing there.

The young man had short dark hair, calm brown eyes. His nose and cheeks were red from the cold, and he removed the scarf from around his face, eyeing you curiously.

He’d been friends with Nick. He’d been the one you’d hit with the pipe when you’d tried to help the older couple they’d attacked after the crash. After that, in his defense, he hadn’t laid a hand on you.

But would he have if the night hadn’t gone as it had, and Curtis had let them drag you away? You shivered as you nodded quickly, hoping your terror didn’t show but knowing it did. You hung onto the clothing items in your arms a little tighter, hating that you were trembling.

Jacob moved between you. “Thanks. Appreciate it.”

Luka smirked at the other man, his thin lips making his mouth look like an angry line. His dark eyes swept over Jacob, sizing him up.

“You’re going to take care of business with one leg, are you?” Luka made his disregard of Jacob known. “Just mentioned Curtis is outside talking. Not your business.”

Something about the unkind way Luka was dealing with Jacob made you uneasy.

“Then move along,” Curtis told him, heading straight for you though his glare was on Luka.

Luka stalked off and you released the breath you’d been holding.

You could feel the tension rolling off Curtis as he came to a stop behind you, his hands on your shoulders. You knew he could feel you shaking.

Well, _this_ wasn’t going to make him willing to go scouting for a safer location for the lot of you.

If Jacob had been afraid of him, it didn’t show.

“I don’t care if he sided with us,” he told you. “I don’t like him.”

“Where did they find you?” Yona asked, stepping up next to Jacob. “When you ended up here?”

Curtis’s fingers curled into your coat.

“There was an older couple,” you explained. “They were neighbors of ours before my father died. After the crash, Nick and all of them were trying to take the lady’s fur coat. When the man asked for mercy, they started… beating him. Kicking him. They hit her… I had to try and help them. I found a pipe and headed out there… I think Luka was the one I hit with it. Then they got a hold of me.”

Jacob shook his head as he listened. “You thought you were going to take on six of them?”

You shrugged nervously. “I had to _try_.”

“No, you didn’t,” Curtis’s voice was close to your ear. “If they’d decided to… hurt you then and there…”

He didn’t have to tell you that you might not be here to tell the tale right now.

“Don’t let me catch you doing anything like that again,” Curtis told you, pressing a kiss to your cheek. He whispered then, “I _will_ spank you next time.”

Your body shivered at those softly spoken words and you did your damnedest to avoid looking at Yona or Jacob.

Stepping around you Curtis looked around until he spotted Park and headed for him. You found Harvey to give him the clothes you’d found for Eva. He sat busily filleting a couple of nice-looking fish and was happy to have the items you brought.

Jacob was already working on more fish where he sat with Yona when you got back. It was a nice meal, Curtis finally joining you when the three of you and Timmy were almost done.

Curtis looked tired and at first, you thought he was a thousand miles away. He _always_ had a lot on his mind. You sat listening to Jacob talking about the guy who had the bunk below his on the train when Curtis leaned in to nudge you.

“Let’s head up,” he told you. “We need to talk about some things.”

You could tell by the way his gaze shifted that he was concerned about something. You nodded, allowing him to pull you to your feet. You climbed up ahead of him to his private area.

“Always a gentleman,” you said, smiling at him as he climbed up behind you.

“Maybe I just like looking at your ass,” he told you with a smirk, motioning you to sit on the bed.

You laughed and shook your head as he took a seat in front of you on the floor.

“We can’t stay here,” he told you. “Not if we want to keep everyone fed. We’re going to have to scout out another location.”

You nodded. Most everyone realized the necessity of that.

“We’re probably going to be gone a few days,” Curtis explained. “I wanted to talk to you before announcing it to the group.”

While you appreciated that, you just knew there was a reason why.

“I’m going to leave Park and Harvey here to keep everyone safe,” he explained. “They’ll go out for food.”

You were already shaking your head. “No, _you_ need Park.”

Smoothing off his cap, Curtis raked his hand through his hair that was getting longer.

“Yeah, I need Park to make sure everyone here is okay, Sweetheart,” Curtis’s gaze held yours. “Nick could still be out there, and his friends _are_.”

“Harvey could handle them,” you countered.

Blowing out an exhale, something shifted in his expression. There was something he hadn’t told you yet.

“What?” you wanted to know.

“We’re not the only survivors out here,” he explained. “Found what looked like another camp today. It was abandoned but…”

That had your heart racing in fear. “Nick?”

“It’s possible, but I don’t think so,” Curtis explained. “Looked like a good-sized group might have been there.”

It was possible that Nick or his friends joined them. Curtis didn’t say that. That thought had you feeling far from easy. If another group of survivors took Nick or his friends in, if Nick had managed somehow to survive, they could say what they wanted about your group here. They could even provoke them into attacking.

“You see what I’m saying then,” Curtis told you. “It looks like they went south just like we need to. But if I’m wrong… or they send someone looking, I’d feel better if Park was here.”

You knew Curtis had to go but you didn’t like the idea of Park not being with him. With Park, his chances of coming back were better.

“You don’t agree?” His brows shot up.

“It’s not that,” you said, blowing out an exhale.

“Then what is it?” His gaze was so intense on you.

“I just… I think it’s more important that Park go with you. We need _you_ and if he goes with you… there’s a better chance of you coming back,” you told him.

You hadn’t seen _that_ smile before, curving his lips softly.

“You saying you’d miss me, Sweetheart?” he asked, his gaze searching yours.

You nodded. It was the truth. The fight between Curtis and Nick over you hadn’t seemed to change anything among your group. In the days since everyone still treated you well. You had shelter, you were fed, clean, and kept safe.

You slept in Curtis’s bed each night but that felt less and less like something you _had_ to do in return. Yes, he was demanding at times in bed, but it always ended with you blissed out and sleeping in his arms. Even now, that familiar longing he’d created in your body was rising as he sat there looking at you like _that._

Rising up on his knees, his hands pressed your knees apart and he moved between them. “I’ll be back. You can’t get rid of me _that_ easily.”

“Besides, I brought something that might help you remember me while I’m gone.” Curtis peeled off your coat before grabbing the hem of your sweater and pulling that over your head. You expected him to go for your bra next, but he paused. You watched his reach into the pocket of his coat before he shrugged it off.

Holding out his hand, he revealed a shiny silver necklace. It was an expensive piece like those your mother used to wear before your father died. The chain was slim and elegant, and it held a tear-shaped opal pendant set in silver that reflected soft colors like the sun across the snow.

Your fingers shook as you gently lifted it from his palm. “You got this for _me_?”

“What do you think?” Curtis watched you carefully.

“It’s… beautiful,” you whispered. You’d never had anything that precious. You didn’t know what to say, the gift taking you off guard in a world where the things that mattered were the things that helped you survive. “I… Thank you.”

You must have said the right thing. The smile your response earned you melted your heart.

“Hold your hair up,” he told you.

Curtis took the necklace back from you as you lifted your hair from your neck and shoulders and turned your back to him. He draped it around your neck before fastening it at the back of your neck with surprising speed.

You turned back around, looking down to see the pendant rested just above your heart.

“How does it look?” you asked nervously.

Curtis had seen every part of you. But as he reached behind you to unfasten your bra, you couldn’t help but feel vulnerable. You fought yourself not to cover your breasts as he eased the bra off you.

“Looks perfect,” he whispered before leaning in to kiss your lips, his hands busy undoing the buttons of his own shirt. “Been looking forward to this all day… I want to see you… _only_ wearing that.”

You didn’t miss his meaning. You both worked off the rest of your clothes. You’d just finished when he pulled you off the bed and into his arms, your legs around his waist as he kneeled on the floor. His erection was a hot brand against your thigh as he claimed your lips for a heated kiss.

His hands were everywhere, skimming over your breasts teasing your nipples, sliding down to the swollen lips of your sex. You should have been embarrassed by just how ready for him you were tonight. You didn’t care. His fingers felt so good as they carefully teased your clit, traced around your opening until you were mindlessly writhing in his lap.

Curtis’s lips chained hot kisses up your neck. When he nipped at your ear lobe with gentle teeth, you yelped. 

“Want to be inside you,” he whispered in your ear.

He moaned in your ear when your hand slid around him, hard and ready. You shivered as you lifted and lined him up with your entrance. His hands slid around your ass, his fingers smearing your own wetness across your skin. Slowly, you sank down on him and he let you take him at your own pace. While you pushed yourself slowly down on his cock, Curtis rained kisses over your neck and shoulders.

When you’d taken him all the way in, his mouth claimed yours in a kiss that had you trying to catch your breath. He ground up into you before starting a quick and dirty rhythm, using his grip on your ass to move you up and down on him. You panted above him when his mouth dropped open, wet kisses over your chin, down your neck to your chest.

Curtis lowered his head to get his mouth on your breast, moaning around your nipple as he kept moving within you using short, easy strokes. Your legs clamped tightly around his waist, your hands were scrambling over his back as his tongue swirled around the hard little tip. When your hands slid up into the short locks of his hair, he moaned again, and you felt it. You felt in the pull of his mouth at your breast just as you felt it in the craving he’d built in your core.

Your toes curled as he held you there, moving you as he wanted while his mouth toyed with your breasts. It was everything you could do to keep quiet as he worked you and you knew he enjoyed that. As he watched you from beneath those impossibly long lashes, you knew he doubled his efforts just to make it harder for you.

Did he want you to moan and cry out? Did he want the rest of the cave to know he was tearing you apart in the dirtiest way?

The thought had your pussy clamping tightly around him and he pulled his head back, sucking in air as he fucked into you.

“I love… your little pussy,” he managed in between shaky breaths. “I need you to come for me.”

Lifting you up, he pressed you back onto his bed with your hips at the edge. You did cry out when he pulled free from you. Curtis shoved your knees up to your chest and got his mouth on your then, greedy about it. His lips and tongue targeted your clit with maddeningly soft licks and nips while two of his fingers slid into you, seeking out your spot and finding it quickly. When he curled those fingers, you were done for, flying apart with your hand over your mouth and your dark, rocky world spinning around you. Curtis worked you through it, lapping up everything as you trembled and rode wave after wave of intense pleasure.

Curtis rose on his knees and slid back into you before you’d recovered, claiming you with a fierce rhythm that had you scooting along the bed until he grabbed your hips roughly and pulled you back onto his cock.

He pounded into you with one hand at your hip with a grip so tight there’d be evidence tomorrow. The other hand slid up over your stomach, over your breasts. His gaze was dark and heated, his mouth open as he moved in you with increased strength and speed.

When that hand slid down to your pussy, his fingers teasing your clit, you shook your head. “I… can’t…” the release you’d just had wiped you out. “Please… want you to come…”

It had been the wrong thing to say. Curtis’s jaw locked and he changed the angle of his thrusts until one hit had you gasping, seeing stars. Those strong, clever fingers never stopped moving as he angled himself to hit that space deep within you and push you beyond the limits of your sanity. You were lost to that orgasm as it claimed you with a strength that had your world fading, had you crying out into the space around you.

A low cry pulled from Curtis’s throat as he yanked himself free of you, his release streaking your thighs with thick white as he shook above you, one hand on the bed by your hip and one stroking himself until he was finished.

After cleaning you up, he climbed into bed with you, propped up on an elbow above you as you stretched out on your back. Idly, he traced a finger around the opal pendant that rested on your shaking chest.

“We’re leaving in the morning,” Curtis kept his voice low. Dipping his head, he pressed a kiss just above the opal. Over your heart. “If something happens while we’re gone… stay with Park. If he tells you to hide, hide. If he tells you to run, you run.”

You nodded even though your heart felt heavy. You didn’t want him to go. You knew he had to but…

“Will you do something for me?” he asked gently.

“Yes.”

“Look after Timmy and Yona for me,” Curtis said.

“Of course.” That went without saying. You’d come to care very much about both of them. And you knew Jacob would help you.

“How far will you go?” you asked.

Curtis’s kept his expression blank, but you sensed there were some things about this trip he wasn’t telling you.

“Far as we need to,” he said, keeping it vague. “But maybe we’ll find a place where we can eventually work the land and grow things along with what we can hunt… I’m going to put you to work.”

You smiled at that. “Really?”

The answering smile had your heart fluttering in your chest. “Really.”

After a moment, he gently grabbed your shoulder and rolled you onto your side, away from him. You were confused because you were used to resting against his chest but you let him move you.

“Let’s get some sleep,” his deep voice was next to your ear. “You keep grinning at me like that and I’ll fuck you again.”

Was that a _bad_ thing?

Tucking an arm under what you used for a pillow, Curtis pressed himself against your back, his thighs pressing up into the backs of yours, spooning you. You sighed contentedly when he pulled the covers over you both.

You were going to miss this while he was gone. And you knew you were going to worry about him…

Trying to push those thoughts out of your head tonight, you pressed yourself back against him.

When you felt his hand working behind you, you thought maybe he was adjusting himself. When the swollen head of him pressed at your entrance, you jerked a little in surprise.

“No,” he whispered, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to your shoulder. “Not what you think.”

Curtis pushed into you, his cock firm, sliding easily on the wetness from your coupling just a few moments ago. As soon as he reached the end of you, Curtis settled behind you, snuggling. One arm slid under yours, draping over you with a comforting weight.

“Is this okay?” he whispered into your hair. “Just this?”

“It feels nice,” you admitted, though it took you a moment to realize that he just wanted to be inside you without working you up.

“Good,” he whispered.

And it was. Within minutes, you drifted off to sleep in his arms.

***

Curtis’s lips on yours woke you the next morning. It was early. Very early and still dark.

You rubbed at your eyes, sleepy. “You’re leaving?”

He was already dressed and ready to go. “I’ll be back,” he whispered. “Remember what I said.”

You nodded.

“Be here when I get back, okay?” There was something sad in his eyes when he said that.

“I’ll be here,” you told him.

Curtis kissed you then, soft and slow for long moments until your heart was hammering in your chest.

When he let you go, you watched him head down from his space to the main cave where you knew he’d gather his men and they’d take off.

Weren’t you supposed to be relieved your captor was giving you a reprieve? Shouldn’t you be planning to enjoy your time away?

_No._

Somehow, you’d drifted back to sleep. You must have slept soundly because it was light when you woke up and you could hear everyone milling around below in the cave.

Slowly, because you felt sluggish and tired, you grabbed clean clothes and pulled them on. You’d just reached the main cave when the wave of nausea hit you. 

Yona sat chatting with Jacob but stopped to look up at you in alarm.

You ran then, knowing if you didn’t make it out of the cave, you’d be throwing up in it in front of everyone and it was the last thing you wanted. There wasn’t a lot that you spat up to splatter on the snow, mostly bile. You scrubbed a hand over your face, shaking where you crouched in the snow because your body was still heaving, and you didn’t feel like you were done.

You heard someone call your name. Yona stopped behind you, her beautiful dark eyes wide.

“Are you okay?” she asked carefully.

Timmy ran up behind her, looking concerned.

You nodded. “Yeah… Something just didn’t agree with me.”

“Timmy,” Yona told the child. “She’s okay… I’ll bring her back in. Go back to Eva and Harvey.”

The child didn’t look convinced, but he nodded and slowly made his way back in.

The next wave was all bile and you coughed and heaved over the mess.

Yona’s hand was soft on your shoulder. Her gaze shifted down your body.

“When was your last period?” she asked carefully.

Your breath caught at the question.

_No. Surely not._

But your last period was a couple of weeks before Snowpiercer crashed and you hadn’t been keeping count of the days since then. You knew at least a month had passed…

“Oh, my God,” you whispered as your trembling hand slid down to your tummy.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the wait on this one. Hoping to have the next Chapter out this week. You'll see why. Thank you!
> 
> #I do NOT consent to have my work hosted on any third party app or site. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but archiveofourown or tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission.#

“Curtis,” Luka called out to him from several feet away. Curtis headed in his direction, following the line of the other man’s gaze.

That he had both Luka and Nick’s other friend with them was intentional. No way he was leaving either of them behind with his girl.

Below the hill where they stood was a small village and a group of people milling around at its heart, working at making it livable. He saw people carrying items back and forth, a bonfire they’d created in the middle of the village where it looked like they were burning the dead they’d found. The smell drifted up to them, thick and putrid. The smell of old flesh burning.

_Smart._ It was exactly what Curtis wanted for _his_ people. A better living arrangement.

Dropping to his knees as their men came up behind them, Curtis motioned for Luka to join him. He didn’t want anyone to easily spot them up on the hill.

There were twenty of them and he was missing both Park and Harvey. But he didn’t regret leaving them to watch over the rest of their group. Park would keep _her_ safe.

“We need a closer look,” Curtis muttered. “We’ll make camp back behind the mountain to cover us. When the sun goes down, I’ll sneak in and see what I can find out.”

“Should you be the one to go?” Luka asked him calmly. “What if they catch you?”

There was that risk and he was their leader. Sure. But there was no one in the twenty men with him that he trusted that much. There was no one who he felt had the ability to infiltrate the camp that was likely made up of front-end passengers.

“They won’t,” he assured Luka.

Luka didn’t argue. 

“If something goes wrong,” he worded it tactfully, “what do you want us to do?”

Curtis smirked at him. “Come get me.”

The group backtracked until he was reasonably sure they wouldn’t be spotted or run into any patrols if the other group sent them out. Once they set up camp, it was nice and dark. Curtis decided to head out.

He managed to reach the edge of the village without running into anyone, tucking in behind one of the first small wooden houses he reached. The smell of the dying fire filled his nose and he covered it, wincing. He made a mental note to burn bodies or anything else if they found such a place for their group _away_ from their living quarters. _Jesus._

It didn’t take him long to discover that the village must have been a small, poor one before the earth froze. The homes were small with dirty, cracked windows, old paint, and poor insulation.

Still, it would beat staying in a cave.

Not long after _that_, Curtis laughed at the irony. They were front-end passengers, most of them not doing a damn thing to help improve their situation. The ones he saw busiest must have been like his girl, part of the front-end but worker bees. Because someone had to do the real work.

Building after building he gazed into the windows, looking to see how many strong men they had or if they had any weapons. The more he could learn about them, the better. They’d try to avoid the group if they could. But he still wanted a good idea of what he was dealing with if he ever _did_ have to deal with them.

No, big strong men. It was interesting.

They’d been gone for nearly two weeks and Curtis was tired, pushing himself to search each building he encountered. There was no sign of Nick or his buddies. No weapons that he could tell. Just maybe the group didn’t pose that much of a threat.

Finally, there was only one building left at the edge of the town and Curtis drew up short when he saw a man standing before its front door, guarding it. He wore a handgun on his hip.

_What was this?_

Some of the homes were lit up with old-fashioned lanterns, the ones that burned oil. He remembered those from when he was a kid. This was one of them and he was able to look inside one small window.

Four young women sat on the floor, wrapped in blankets. Two of them were just teenagers and the other two could have been in their twenties. Maybe a little older. None of them were talking or interacting with each other which he thought was strange. One curled up in the corner, staring off into space in a way that left him with a sense of foreboding.

Curtis thought about _his_ girl. Hoping she wasn’t sad like that back with the group. He _was_ selfish enough to hope she might miss him a little. It had almost been two weeks. He missed the soft warmth of her against him each night. He missed the scent of her on him. He missed being inside her.

_God, I miss you._

“Hey,” a deep male voice broke the silence.

Curtis’s heart lurched in his chest and he froze.

“Hey,” the man guarding the door answered. “What are you doing here?’

A snicker. Curtis knew he wasn’t going to like this.

“What do you mean ‘what am I doing here?’” the newcomer said. “I’m here to get laid.”

_Fuck._

Seriously? The girls in the home he was hiding behind were being used as prostitutes?

“Supposed to wait until Dmitri gets back,” the guard informed him.

_Dmitri._

“Shit, they’ve been gone for over a week now,” the newcomer complained. “The rest of us are just supposed to wait for them?”

The meaning of their conversation wasn’t lost on Curtis. _Of course._ That’s why he hadn’t seen many able-bodied men. They’d gone off scouting just like he and his group had. Curtis didn’t really have a good assessment of the threat they could pose after all.

And they could return at any time.

_Fuck._

“Where’d they go anyway?” the new one asked.

“Back up towards what’s left of the train,” the guard said simply. “Scouts found a group up there in a cave. Mostly tail-section rats from what Dmitri said.”

_Oh my God._

“He bringing them back _here_?”

There was a pause and his heart was pounding so loudly he worried they might hear it.

“Why else would they go?” the guard asked.

“More mouths to feed?” the newcomer asked with heavy sarcasm.

“Workers,” the guard clarified. “Whores. And the ones who can’t make it or can’t work?”

Another pause.

“Well, it’s good meat.”

Curtis felt sick.

The mention of cannibalism alone was enough to send his anxiety skyrocketing. Nightmare images of those early days in the tail section, Edgar and his mother, flooded his brain like a macabre parade. His heart pounded painfully in his chest. He couldn’t breathe. Sweat broke out on his brow.

_Workers. Whores._

A deep sigh. “Make it quick.”

Curtis turned away from the window and slid down to the ground, listening as the men went into the small building and the screaming began.

They’d sent their men back to _his_ camp. They’d been gone over a week. 

But they’d never crossed _his_ path. They’d gone a different way then. According to the maps Curtis had studied with Park, the way he’d come was the quickest. But that wouldn’t buy them a lot of time.

Probably not enough to make it back in time.

He didn’t know how many men went, headed for the cave. His group. His _girl_. With only Park and Harvey there to protect them.

Fear paralyzed him in the cold night as he fought to breathe, an image of her face filling his mind. Curtis tried to fight through the panic as the screams behind him ripped apart the silence of the night.

What could he _possibly_ do? 

He hadn’t been sleeping well, felt like his head wasn’t attached to his body when he quietly made his way into the shadows, away from the village. The trip back to where his group set up camp seemed twice as long with his heart thumping painfully in his chest.

Park and Harvey weren’t the only men left back at the caves. But the younger and stronger ones were with him. What could be happening spun in his mind to the point that when he reached the fire his men surrounded, a couple of them stood up.

Luka stared at Curtis in alarm. “What is it?”

“They’ve sent out a party back to the caves,” Curtis said gravely. “They know about our group. They left over a week ago.”

Luka frowned, shook his head. “We never saw them.”

“That’s right,” Curtis told him.

“We took the shortest route?”

Curtis nodded.

“Does that help us at all?”

“I don’t know,” Curtis told them. “We have to get back.”

Curtis wasn’t the only one in the group who had people he cared about back at the caves. They all packed up, moved with a sense of urgency as they got ready to make the trek home as quickly as they could manage.

All he could think about was his girl…

“They from the front?” Luka asked him.

“Yeah,” Curtis told him as they worked. “Didn’t see anyone from the tail.”

It was then Curtis stopped and studied the young man, realizing what his actual question was. “Didn’t see him. Didn’t see any of them.”

There’d been no sign of Nick or the others.

Luka nodded. “Good.”

***

Curtis and his group had been gone over three weeks and you’d done a pretty good job of keeping anyone else from finding out your secret. You _thought._

You’d actually hoped that you _were_ just sick. A stomach bug or a little food poisoning. That would have been understandable. But each morning, like clockwork, you woke up and nausea hit you brutally.

You and Yona had found a large old bowl from the train and you used it each morning as opposed to running out of the cave. When you took it out later in the day to clean, you hoped everyone assumed you were using it to relieve yourself at night.

But then you’d gone back and tried to remember when your last cycle began and match that with how many days it had been since the Snowpiercer crashed. Curtis kept a pretty consistent count. So when you realized that it had been almost three months…

Yesterday, you awoke, getting sick all over yourself before you could reach the bowl. You nailed your clothes, the bedding. On top of being miserable and hardly able to keep anything down when you tried to eat, you had to scramble to clean up everything.

Curtis could be back any time and you were afraid. It wasn’t like you were going to be able to hide it from him for long.

How was he going to take it? Would he be angry? What if he didn’t want anything else to do with you?

_I love you._

He might not love you once he found out you were pregnant. If he even meant that.

You’d be a liability. You were sick every day and the group needed to migrate somewhere safer. Would you be able to travel? Would you just slow the group down?

Would he leave you behind?

You dissolved into tears, burying your head in your hands as you sat at the edge of his bed that you’d been sick on, wearing clothes you’d also been sick on. The smell wasn’t helping.

You jumped when you felt a hand on your shoulder. Startled, you looked up to see Rachel kneeling in front of you. Her smile was gentle.

“Need some help?” she asked.

You felt your face warm. You swiped at your tears with your hands. “I’m okay… Just haven’t been feeling well. I need to clean up.”

“I’ll help you,” she told you, holding up a cup of water for you. “Drink. It’s easy to get dehydrated in your condition.”

“My…” You shook your head in denial. “Oh, it’s some bug… I mean…”

“How far along are you?” she asked, her intent gaze accepting no denial. _She knew._

“Fuck,” you muttered, dropping your head. “Almost three months… How did you know?”

Rachel shrugged. “Just paying attention.”

And then the tears came back. Rachel pulled you into her arms, seeming not to care that you were covered in puke. Rachel was so patient, holding onto you until your tears slowed down.

“What am I going to do?” you said, pulling back to look into the kind older lady’s face. “How am I going to tell him?”

Rachel frowned. “You just tell him.”

“Rachel, they’re out there to find us a new place,” you told her. “We’ll need to move soon. How can I travel like this?”

“You just will.”

“I’m going to slow us down.” Didn’t she understand? Why was she just smiling at you patiently? “Or he’s going to leave me behind… I’m a liability.”

Rachel huffed out a sigh. “If you really believe that, you haven’t been paying any attention.”

“I _have_ been paying attention,” you assured her. “He’s going to be so upset at me for this.”

Now she laughed. “You didn’t get this way by yourself, did you?”

“No, but—”

“How do you know he’s going to be upset about this?” she wanted to know. “I don’t see how he could possibly be surprised.”

You hid your face in your hands while Rachel chuckled.

“I don’t think Curtis will react to your news the way you _think_ he will,” she told you. “I could be wrong but…”

You uncovered your face, shook your head. “He’s not going to want a baby.”

“How do you know?’

You didn’t.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” you told her pathetically. “I shouldn’t have a baby.”

“I’ll help you,” she told you gently. “David and I had a daughter once.”

You stopped in the middle of your self-pity session and regarded her carefully. “What… what happened to her?”

“She’s gone,” Rachel said matter-of-factly. “She became ill not long after we boarded the train. Those first days in the tail section were hard.”

Because you felt like you needed to, you reached for her hand. Rachel smiled at the gesture.

“When we first boarded the train back there, things went horribly wrong,” Rachel explained. “Wilford sent his men to us back there and took everything we had. Our belongings. Any food or medicine we happened to have. Everything… Those who needed those meds to live died. Later, starvation took many others.”

You didn’t understand.

“Wait,” you stopped her there. “What do you mean starved? They didn’t… feed you?”

Rachel shook her head. “No food. No water… And Susan…”

_Oh, God._

“They took away the medicine she needed,” you guessed.

“She was diabetic,” Rachel explained. “Type one. Between having no insulin and no food, she didn’t last long… David and I were actually grateful she didn’t make it longer. It was miserable… A miserable experience.”

“I’m so sorry,” you told her sincerely.

A thought occurred to you and Rachel watched you carefully, like she was waiting for you to piece it together.

“What happened when…” How did you ask it?

“When someone died?” Rachel’s expression told you that you wouldn’t like what was coming. “Wilford’s men came and took the bodies for most of those eighteen years. But in those early days…”

_Oh, God, what?_

“With no sustenance back there,” Rachel said slowly, “they ate the ones that died in the first couple of weeks.”

_What?_

Wait.

“You said they,” you pointed out. “Not _you_.”

“That’s right,” Rachel told you. “Even if David and I were that desperate, we… The stronger ones, mostly younger men, claimed the bodies… And even with all the ones who died in the initial days, a month went by with nothing from the front end… and we were all stuck at the back of that damned train.”

Your heart sank as you thought about it. Those poor people. And you’d been told they were savages. Awful people who chose to live that way.

And here was this gentle woman… You didn’t need to ask what became of Susan.

“Then they brought the… what did you call them?”

“Protein blocks,” Rachel filled in for you. “But just before that happened, were some of our darkest days… When there were no more dead, the strong ones… I don’t need to be telling you this. You’re already sick.”

You started to nod, to let it go. Your stomach wasn’t entire stable.

But Curtis had been there through all of it. And she was offering to tell you.

“What happened?”

“I shouldn’t…”

“Please.”

“They ate the weak,” Rachel told you. “They said the children… would be the next to die off. They said it was… mercy.”

“Children?” Now you did feel sick. “Like Timmy.”

“Like infants too,” she told you bluntly. “Babies.”

You swallowed hard, trying to get your mind around what the woman was telling you.

“But then Gilliam came,” Rachel went on. “He was an older man. A wise man… He put a stop to it.”

“How?”

“Selflessness. Gilliam stopped them from killing a baby one day,” she told you. “They’d killed the boy’s mother and they were about to have him for their meal… Gilliam asked for the knife… But instead of killing the baby, he cut off his own arm.”

Rachel demonstrated the motion of how the man did it like she could still see it.

“He offered the arm to them, in exchange for the baby,” she told you. “It changed… everything. Others offered limbs up to stop the madness and… minds changed, the chaos settled.”

The awed expression on her face as she told you the story let you know how significant the moment was to her and likely to those who’d survived the years in the tail section.

“I always thought they must have been watching us,” Rachel told you. “I think they meant to let us all finish each other off… It wasn’t until we started working together that those disgusting blocks showed up.”

Curtis has been through all of it too. Somehow, he’d become their leader. You couldn’t help but feel proud of him.

Those same early days of the train, you’d been living in luxury with your parents. You hadn’t had a worry in your head.

“You didn’t need that dumped on you today,” Rachel tried to put a happy face on but didn’t quite hit that note. “We’ll get you and everything cleaned up, find you something to eat. And you’ll drink that water.”

You did drink from the cup, moving so she could start gathering your bedding.

“Thank you,” you told her. “Just… please don’t tell anyone else.”

Rachel turned to you with an armful of blankets. “Does anyone else know?”

“Yona,” you admitted. “That’s it.”

She nodded. “I won’t say anything.”

With her help, you’d cleaned up the area and yourself. Park kept watch when you, Yona, and Timmy bathed in Curtis’s absence, careful to keep his back to you.

Today had been a little better. You _thought_.

You’d gone to dump out the bowl and were just about to go back in to wash it out when you spotted Park coming towards you. It was unusual to see him around the caves in the late morning. Usually, he and Harvey with a handful of other men who’d stayed were hunting.

He called you by name, halting you. And the look on his face was grave.

“Curtis?” A spike of fear shot through you. Your hand flew up to clutch at the opal pendant on the necklace he’d given you.

Park shook his head.

“No sign of them yet,” he told you. “But there’s another group coming. They aren’t far behind us.”

“What?” The other group of passengers Curtis had mentioned?

“Are there a lot of them?” you had to ask.

Park only nodded. “You’re coming with me. _Now_.”

“What Yona and Timmy?” You promised Curtis you’d watch over them.

“Harvey’s getting them.”

You didn’t miss the urgency in his voice. You’d promised Curtis you’d do what Park said so waited until Harvey came out with Yona, Timmy, Jacob, and Eva. Park was motioning you forward, already walking

Harvey took a knee in front of his daughter, pointing at you. “You go with her. Be good.”

The girl’s big dark eyes looked up at you in fear. “Papa? Are you coming?”

“Can’t, baby,” he said only. “I have to go help the other people.”

Your stomach dropped when Eva came and held your hand. Timmy had grabbed the other one.

“Will you watch over her?” Harvey asked you.

You nodded, choked with tears now.

In horror, you watched Harvey run back for the cave. You could already hear the mad scramble inside, people being gathered.

“Come on!” Park yelled anxiously.

He led the group of you down over the hill, down to the edge of a river.

Park looked to you and Jacob. “Follow the river until you come to the next mountain. There are caves there. Tuck in there and keep an eye out in case they send scouts.”

You nodded.

“If someone finds you down here, run,” Park said to you specifically. “I’ve got to get back. Don’t leave that cave until one of us comes to get you.”

“Park?” you called as he already began walking away.

“Someone will know you’re here,” he yelled back, running to head back for the cave.

You stood watching him disappear into the distance.

“Come on,” Jacob urged you. “We need to move.”

Hanging on to the kids while Yona helped Jacob, you sent up every prayer you knew that no one would be hurt. Park, Harvey, David, Rachel… So many others. They’d been through so much already and you only knew some of it.

You knew the group had ill intentions for Park and Harvey to have reacted as they had.

“Will my Papa be okay?” Eva looked up at you with big haunted eyes.

“I hope so,” you told the little girl, fighting back the fear that gripped you. “Let’s go.”

All you could do was hope they’d make it. Hope that Curtis and his group got back soon.

Hope that Curtis would find you.

You all began to make your way along the river’s edge.

***

They’d been two days, maybe three, away from reaching the caves by Curtis’s estimation when they spotted the group moving slowly through the valley below them. Luka came up behind him as he assessed the group with his heart hammering in his chest. He pulled out the binoculars he’d found in one of the train cars to get a closer look.

They were too late.

The group from the village they’d found, and there a good forty to fifty men, had already made it to the caves. He spotted Harvey limping and looking battered. After a few seconds, he spotted David and Rachel, the older man sporting an ugly bleeding gash on his head.

Curtis didn’t see his girl. He didn’t see Timmy or Yona.

He didn’t see Park either.

Over and over he combed the group of hostages they’d taken, trudging along in a defeated way that reminded him of their time in the tail-section. Being dragged back to be workers and whores.

_Over his dead fucking body._

Curtis trusted Park, trusted that he’d hidden his girl along with Timmy and Yona. He hoped Park was _with_ them, but he had a sinking feeling that wasn’t the case.

The Snowpiercer was gone. The classes were gone. His people weren’t going to fall back into the clutches of the front end passengers.

“What do you want to do?” Luka asked him calmly, reaching out a hand for the binoculars. Curtis passed them to him, watched as he took his own look at the group. “Son of a bitch.”

“What?” Curtis’s gaze shifted from the group to Luka and back.

“There,” Luka said pointing. “Richard and Martin right there with them. _Fuck_.”

_Nick’s friends_.

“Nick?” Curtis wanted to know.

Luka’s gaze was steady. “No sign.”

Dropping the binoculars, Luka shook his head. “_That’s_ how they knew about our group. Fuckers told them.”

Curtis dropped his head. Again, _his fault_. If he’d killed Nick as he’d wanted to and the others had stayed with them, maybe the front-end group wouldn’t have been able to find them so easily. Might not have known about them at all.

“What do you want to do?” Luka asked.

Curtis looked up, studying the younger man. Luka had stepped up to help him on the scouting trip much like Park had after the train crashed. To this point, he’d given Curtis no reason to question his loyalty.

But the connection to Nick, the threat to his girl, left him not entirely trusting just the same.

“We have to take our group back,” Curtis told him.

“That’s maybe two-thirds of our people,” Luka pointed out. “It’s maybe one to one down there and our people look beat up. We don’t give them much of an advantage.”

Luka turned, his gaze sweeping over the rest of the group. Curtis followed the line of his gaze. He knew they were all exhausted. He was. But they had people they were fighting for.

People they _loved_.

His girl.

Curtis led his men, hidden from the group he wanted to intercept. All they needed was the right opportunity.

It wasn’t a long wait. The valley narrowed down between two hills and it gave them just the opportunity they needed. He took half his men to wait for the first ones to come through the passageway. Luke took the others to cut off the back.

The fight was brutal. By the time Curtis had battered his way through the men who’d come through the front, freed some of his men to help, they met Luka’s group in the middle. Luka struck down one of Nick’s friends as Curtis watched, beating him violently.

There were losses on both sides once it was done. They’d lost fourteen of their people including a couple of older men. There were a dozen from the front end group and several of those had run from the fight.

David had corralled the older folks and women away from the skirmish, in no state to help from the fight. He’d taken quite a blow to head and looked like he’d lost some blood.

Somehow they won. There were five of the front-end men left alive by the end, one of them he recognized as one of Nick’s friends. Luka grabbed him roughly, shook the smaller man hard.

“You did this, didn’t you?” Luka growled at him. “You set them on us!”

Martin, Curtis thought was his name, pleaded. “I’m sorry. It was Richard… Richard told them about you. Wasn’t me!”

“Is Nick alive?” Luka shouted in his former friend’s face. “Is. Nick. Alive?”

The other man swallowed hard, his eyes wide in terror.

“Doesn’t matter,” Luka told him before roughly gripping his head, snapping his neck with a sickening sound.

Curtis looked over the remaining four men. They recognized _him_. He could see it in their expressions.

Harvey stumbled to Curtis’s side, gazing up at him with wide dark eyes.

“Where’s Park?” Curtis wanted to know.

“He hid ‘em,” Harvey told him. “Just like you asked… Your girl, Yona, Timmy, Jacob… my Eva.”

Curtis was grateful, his heart clenching at the news. He blew out an exhale, clinging to the hope he’d see his girl again. He wanted nothing more than to have her back in his arms…

But Harvey didn’t answer the question.

“Where’s Park, Harvey?”

Curtis could tell by the pained look on his friend’s face that something had gone wrong. His hands clenched into fists.

“They were looking for _her_,” Harvey explained. “Nick’s friends told them you’d taken her and…”

Curtis could imagine how they’d painted _that_ picture.

“They beat Park,” Harvey said in a shaky voice. “Beat him badly…”

“Is he…”

Harvey shook his head. “I don’t know… He didn’t tell them where she was… He wouldn’t…”

Curtis knew Park would die first. His heart hurt to think about his friend’s probable fate.

“But they… found tracks…”

Curtis couldn’t have heard him right.

“What?”

“Tracks in the snow,” Harvey said. “Where… Park led ‘em off.”

Curtis knew a moment of real fear then.

Park was likely dead and his girl, Timmy, and Yona, were pretty much defenseless. Harvey’s daughter and Jacob were with them.

“They were supposed to bring her, all of them,” Harvey went on. “Bring them after…”

“Where are they?”

“Where you told him,” Harvey answered.

The caves at the next mountain.

“To Dimitri?”

Harvey’s confusion showed. “How did you know his name?”

“Tell you later.” Curtis had to go. “Did we get him?”

Harvey shook his head. “No, him and two other men went after _her._”

_Fuck._

“They’ll come this way,” Luka walked up. “We should run into them, right?”

“I would think,” Harvey told them.

Curtis was already walking. He had to get to her. She was _his_. He just prayed they could stay hidden from them until he could reach her.

“Let’s go,” Curtis told him, knowing he’d want to save his daughter.

Looking around he found David, telling him to bring the others back when they were able and to keep an eye out for the ones that ran in case they came back.

“What do you want me to do with these four?” Luka asked, pointing to the four captives.

“Kill them,” Curtis ordered. He wasn’t about to give them a chance to come back and do more damage. That’s how the current situation happened.

Just as he was about to dash off and run with Harvey on his heels, slender arms caught him, swung him around.

Confused, Curtis glanced down at David’s wife Rachel.

“Curtis,” she whispered, pulling him to the side. “Be careful.”

“I will,” he told her, eager to get going.

“Curtis,” she kept a hold on him. “Something you should know.”

“What, Rachel?” he said impatiently.

Rachel stretched up to whisper in his ear. “Please be careful with her…”

Did she mean his girl? Of course he’d be careful with her. Why—

“She’s _pregnant_,” Rachel whispered meaningfully.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Promise I'll catch up on comments this weekend. Thank you! 🙏
> 
> #I do NOT consent to have my work hosted on any third party app or site. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but archiveofourown or tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission.#

Jacob smiled when he and Yona came back to the cave where you were hiding. “I think it will work.”

You and the kids huddled just inside the cave. You couldn’t make a fire because you didn’t want the smoke to be seen. Preventing the outsiders from finding you quickly became the top priority.

“We went back and made it look like we crossed the river,” Yona told you, dropping the tree branch she carried. “We used that to cover our tracks in the snow leading to the cave.”

Jacob’s idea had been a good one. They’d certainly done it very quickly. You hope it worked.

But keeping the group Park was concerned about off your trail was only one of your problems.

It got dark and no one came. Not the invading group and no one from _your_ group. There was no sign of Park or Harvey. It was cold and dark. All of you were cold and hungry.

You were so proud of both kids. They didn’t complain though they were clearly scared. It made you sad to think of things they’d probably seen in their short lives in the tail section of the train. You really wanted to minimize any more trauma in their lives if you could help it.

All you could do was keep them close, try to keep them warm. You put them between you and Yona, trying to get comfortable as you could. Jacob stayed closed to Yona and you smiled at them in the darkness, glad to see the fondness they had for each other.

You missed Curtis. As much as you weren’t looking forward to telling him about the pregnancy, you had _no idea_ how he was going to react, you’d feel much safer if he were there. You missed having his comfort, strength.

“Try not to worry,” Jacob’s voice pulled you from your thoughts. “Curtis will find us.”

You smiled. “Was I that obvious?”

Both Jacob and Yona nodded.

They had so much faith in him as their leader. You tried to have that same faith. You hoped with all you were that he wasn’t hurt or worse out there. Hopefully, he was on his way back to you, to the group.

You hoped the group back at the cave had fared well but you had a terrible feeling that wasn’t the case. If they’d held off the other group, they would have sent for you. Someone would have come to let you know it was okay to come back.

Timmy placed a small hand on yours, covered in a tattered mitten. “Curtis is coming.”

Hugging him close, you nodded. They believed that. You wanted to.

Somehow, you’d drifted off to sleep with the kids. Each time you woke up to relieve yourself, and it was a few times, Jacob was awake and watching. When you made it back to your place next to Timmy, you sighed.

“Why don’t you get some rest?” you offered. “I can keep watch for a while.”

Jacob shook his head. “You need to rest more than I do.”

_Wait._ Did he know?

“I’m okay,” you told him quietly.

“Does Curtis know?” Jacob asked.

“How do _you_ know?” Did Yona tell him about the pregnancy?

“Wasn’t hard to guess,” he told you. “Saw quite a few ladies pregnant back on the train.”

Slowly, you shook your head. “I didn’t figure it out until after he left.”

Before too long it wouldn’t be a secret to anyone. You just hoped that Curtis wouldn’t be upset with you… 

Maybe Rachel was right. Maybe you were worried for nothing. It was hard to see how a baby would be anything but another challenge right now in a world you all were struggling to survive in.

“We need to make some decisions tomorrow,” Jacob told you.

“I know.” You needed to figure out what happened back with the group, find a way to feed the kids.

There you were. Your little group. Jacob had one leg, Yona was younger than you. There were two children. And you.

And you were pregnant. But you were the only one who should go and scout.

“Rest. I can catch up on sleep when you and Yona wake up.”

And you went right back to sleep. You were sleepy all the time now, could sleep literally anywhere.

It seemed like only minutes before the sun was creeping into the entrance the cave where you all rested, waited. You tried, you did, to breathe deeply, hoping your rebellious stomach would calm.

_Nope._

Clamping a hand over your mouth, you darted outside before you woke up the kids. You didn’t need to scare them worse.

You stopped just outside of the cave, just in case, and spat out the bile that your stomach was forcing up. You hadn’t eaten anything since late morning yesterday so there was nothing else. It was probably that lack of food that made the nausea so much worse. You dropped to your knees in the snow, shaking.

Focused on your breathing, you tried after several minutes to pull yourself up on shaking legs. A beat before you moved, you saw the shadow. A hand clutched painfully in your hair.

“What do we have here?” a deep voice broke up the silence. You rose to lessen the flares of pain in your scalp as whoever he was yanked harshly on your hair.

The sun hid behind the clouds as you stared up at your captor, your heart sinking to see that he was nearly as big as Curtis. He was probably a few years older than Curtis with silver threaded through his dark hair and beard. His eyes were a mossy green in color, moving over you in a way that made you uncomfortable.

Sliding your hands up, you tried to pull your hair free. He allowed it, grinning at you.

“You look _much_ too healthy to be from the tail-section of the train,” his accent was Russian? Slavic? “You must be the little girl that they were telling me about. The one Curtis Everett decided to take for himself.”

Your heart began to race in fear. _They’d found you_.

“That is _you_, yes? You used to work in the greenhouse?” the man asked.

_Who’d told him that?_

“A group of young men found us, not too long ago,” he went on. “Brought us their friend who was in a rather poor condition.”

_Nick. Oh, God._ He’d _lived._ He was the one who told them where your group was.

“This young man told us Everett nearly killed him so he could have _you_ for his own,” the man continued. “We’re here to rescue you.”

The man’s smile didn’t reach his eyes and you trembled, more from fear now than being sick.

“I’m not…” You took a deep breath, wanting to choose your words carefully. “I was never with Nick,” you managed to get out. “He told you wrong.”

The man laughed, a deep throaty sound and you watched in horror as four more men made their way down the snowy hill in your direction.

“It makes no difference to me,” he told you. “But I _was_ very interested in your little group. We’re here to give you all a decent place to live. With _us_. All you have to do is earn your keep.”

Something about the way he said “earn your keep” with his gaze sweeping down you made the nausea threaten to come back.

“The rest of our group?” you asked quietly.

His grin widened.

“Already on their way to our village,” he said. “We’ll be right behind them.”

Two of the men with him walked around you towards the cave. You tried to go too but the man wrapped a large hand around your upper arm, keeping you where you were.

The kids held onto Yona as one man dragged them out of the cave, blinking with sleepy eyes. The other man was behind Jacob, eyeing his leg in a way that filled you with dread.

Your stomach picked that moment to rebel again, doubling you over as you dry heaved now. You knew the anxiety of your situation was making it worse.

“She’s puking, Dmitri,” one of the other men said. He sounded American.

“I can see that.,” he replied. “There’s sickness among you?”

“No,” Jacob answered quickly. Almost too quickly. “There’s been no sickness.”

“Uh-huh,” he said, hovering over you.

You swiped your mouth with the back of your hand, slowly straightening back up.

“You still have those medical supplies back at the cave?” he asked you.

You nodded. Nick told him about those too. Thank God he never knew about the seeds. You were grateful he didn’t press you about why you were sick. Grateful Jacob didn’t say anything more.

“Good,” Dmitri told you. “We’ll get those, and we’ll be on our way. Then you can patch up your boyfriend. Or ex-boyfriend… Whatever.”

“He’s not my anything,” you said meekly.

Idly, Dmitri walked over to stand before Yona and the kids. He grabbed Yona’s chin with his fingers, turning her face side to side in a way that gave you the creeps.

You didn’t like the way the man standing behind Jacob was exchanging glances with Dmitri. The unspoken message was clear. Jacob was missing a leg and they didn’t want to deal with him slowing them down.

“Take care of him,” Dmitri told him, walking back to you and grabbing your arm to pull you behind him.

“No!” you screamed, watching the man behind Jacob pull out a knife.

In your panic, you were strong enough to pull out of the man’s grip and run frantically back to Jacob, putting yourself between him and the man with the knife. Your heart squeezed in your chest when you heard Eva start to cry behind you.

Jacob put a hand on your shoulder, hobbling around you on his crutch. “Don’t do this,” he said close to your ear. “I’m not worth it.”

“Jacob,” Yona said, you could hear the tears in her voice.

The man before you was thin and had small, mean eyes. He thrust the knife at you in a way meant to intimidate you.

“Move, bitch,” he hissed. “We only need those that can work or fuck. We don’t need cripples.”

_Oh, God._ Did that mean they killed those they decided couldn’t work? Who were missing limbs or were older? There were several people in your group like that. Were David and Rachel okay?

Jacob whispered your name. Pleading with you.

You shook your head. You weren’t moving.

The man’s eyes darted to the knife in his hand and back to you. You knew he was weighing his options.

You weren’t moving. Curtis fought for these people and they’d been good to you, accepted you in a way most of the people in the front hadn’t. You had never seen these men in your time in the front. But you knew Jacob, Yona, and the kids.

You loved them.

Curtis would fight for them. You could do no less.

Tipping up your chin, you stood your ground.

“Please,” Jacob whispered.

A deep rumbling laugh behind you made you flinch. “Put the goddamn knife away.”

Dmitri roughly spun you to face him, the smirk back in place on his face.

“You’re putting yourself on the line for these tail-section rats?” he asked as if the notion amused him. “Well, these tail-section rats and the little kronole head behind me.”

You nodded, looking him in the eye.

“You know, I _like_ you,” Dmitiri said with a wink. “I might keep _you_ for myself.”

You swallowed hard, the situation wasn’t getting better.

“Your little friend?” Dmitri jerked his thumb in Jacob’s direction. “And the kids? Better be able to keep up. If they can’t, well, I’m not making any promises.”

You didn’t miss that threat. What choice did you have? If you could just keep them alive. You nodded.

“Good,” Dmitri told you, cupping the side of your face in a rough hand. “Let’s head for the cave first.”

***

Curtis took in the bodies scattered over the floor of the cave, in the snow just beyond it. Blood staining the white. At least two dozen dead. Scrubbing a hand down his face, he blinked back tears.

They’d been through so much already. And now more of their people slaughtered… Older folks, those missing limbs.

All on him. All _his_ fault.

Harvey had explained how Nick and the friends he took with him reached the group. The little fucker had lived, was back at their village. Curtis _knew_ he should have killed him. He should have listened to his instincts.

Now more people were dead. People who’d been alive and happy when he left, now broken and bloody around him.

There was no sign of Park. It wasn’t likely he was alive.

“Curtis,” Harvey got his attention.

“Have you seen Park?” he asked his friend.

Harvey shook his head.

“We’ll find him… Maybe he’s with them?”

Cutis hoped so. Curtis needed to see _her_, needed her to be alive and unharmed.

The deluge of emotion that plagued him since he’d learned a group of front-enders came for his group nearly overwhelmed him. He’d been frantic to get back, only to find his group had been attacked while they’d been out scouting, many dead and wounded.

He’d failed.

Just like he’d failed Edgar. And Tanya. Gray, Andrew, Andy… Now he’d failed the rest of them. Park.

_His girl._ And if what Rachel told him was true, his unborn child.

As he led Harvey and six other men who’d followed them down towards the river, his heart pounded out a painful cadence in fear. They hadn’t run across Dmitri and his men. Had they somehow missed them? Had they found his girl? Was she okay? Were Timmy, Yona, and Eva safe? Hell, he’d even be happy to see Jacob at this point.

But as he thought about those missing limbs like Jacob dead in the cave, he didn’t hold out much hope. It made his anxiety worse.

Curtis spotted the group in the distance, pulling out his binoculars.

_There she was._ Her arm in the grip of a man he’d never seen before as she trudged along. Her head was down, her hair loose and hiding her face from him.

_She was carrying his child._

Yona helped Jacob along and the kids were walking along with them. It was hard to tell from the distance, but they _appeared_ unharmed.

“How many men they got?” Harvey asked from behind his shoulder.

Curtis tucked the binoculars away, feeling the fear and fatigue drop from him like a heavy coat. They were alive. _She_ was alive. He was so close to having her back in his arms.

“Five,” he said simply. “Did any of these have guns?”

“Didn’t see any,” Harvey told him.

“Good.” Curtis just watched them draw closer. “We’re going to stay right here.”

Curtis knew the moment the leader of the group, the one hanging onto her, spotted them. The man paused for a moment, studied their group, before following his men and the rest of the group up the hill that would bring them to him.

As they drew closer, he got a better look at them. He didn’t recognize them. They could have been some of those mask-wearing assholes they’d fought when they captured Mason on the train.

Curtis allowed his anger swell.

Snowpiercer was no more. The train was gone and so was their fucking class-war. It was over. They were back on earth and now, all bets were off. Those from the tail section had a right to their freedom, and he’d be damned if they’d be victims to the front-enders ever again.

The only fear he had left was what she would choose.

The front-end had been where his girl lived. She had a chance to go back with her people. When Harvey explained that they’d been looking for her, seeking to rescue her from him, he hadn’t been surprised. She could choose to leave with them.

_Fucking Nick._ _Should have fucking killed him._

Curtis considered for a just a moment that maybe it would be best for her if someone _did_ rescue her from him.

But he was too fucking selfish. He wouldn’t let her go. She was _his_. Part of him grew inside her and that brought a wave of craving that he pushed down for now.

First things first. He was going to fucking kill the men who thought they were taking her away from him.

The group stopped ten feet before them, next to a cluster of trees just outside the cave. Two larger men stood before the kids, Yona and Jacob. Timmy’s dark eyes, _Tanya’s eyes_, widened when they saw him. Eva scrambled past all of them, running to her father in tears. Harvey scooped her up behind him, trying to calm her.

The other two men followed the leader as he dragged his girl around to the front. Her big eyes were on Curtis, glassy with tears.

The hope he read there as she stared at him gave him all the answer he needed. As he watched, she raised a slim hand, her fingers reaching for the opal pendant she wore. Her hand shook but her gaze was steady.

“Hello there Mr. Curtis Everett,” the leader greeted with a toothy smile and a thick Russian accent. “I finally get to meet the man who stopped the train.”

Curtis just eyed him silently, sizing him up. His hands tightened around the heavy iron bar he’d grabbed from the cave. Harvey whispered to Eva behind him, putting her down. Curtis heard the child’s footfalls fade as she ran back into the cave.

“We don’t have to make this worse, do we?” the man asked, dressed like the rest of them in the tactical garb the soldiers on the train had worn. “I’m Dmitri by the way.”

Curtis just watched the man, hating his white-knuckle grip on his girl. Hating the fear he watched grow in her eyes.

“There’s already so many of your people dead,” Dmitri pointed out.

Curtis nodded. “Several of yours are dead too.”

Dmitri’s grin widened. “Is that right?”

Curtis nodded once.

“You can’t prove that,” Dmitri told him. “And it really doesn’t matter either way, does it?”

Curtis just listened, watched.

“All I really need to do is take care of _you_,” Dmitri explained. “Without you, the rest of the tail-section rats who follow you will fall right into line.”

Curtis didn’t miss the way the man’s gaze shifted to his girl and back to him.

“Where they _belong… _And this one,” Dmitri tipped his head in her direction. “She wasn’t yours to take. She’s one of _us_… So I’m really doing her a favor.”

His girl began to furiously try to pull free of Dmitri’s grip. The fear in Jacob’s face was the same Curtis felt as he watched her struggle. Two of Dmitri’s men stepped forward, daring him to make a move.

Curtis had to be careful in choosing when to strike. There was his girl, right in the line of fire. He couldn’t live with himself if anything happened to her, to Yona or Timmy. 

Dmitri grabbed her then, wrapping a strong arm around her neck and holding her against him. Her hands clawed at his arm and she looked like she was struggling to breathe.

Curtis shifted his weight from one foot to the other, desperate for a way to get to Dmitri without him hurting her. Snapping her neck would be so easy…

Dmitri never saw the man run from trees with an axe clutched in his hands. It took Curtis a couple of beats to realize the blood-covered man was Park and he watched as his friend sunk the axe into the man’s shoulder, causing him to shout in pain.

The moment had been chosen for Curtis.

The hit caused Dmitri to lose his grip on her. As Curtis led his men into the fight, he watched Jacob pull his girl to the ground.

“Get him to the cave!” Curtis shouted at Yona who took off with Timmy.

Jacob was trying to shield his girl with his own body as Curtis and his men engaged the group. Curtis had two more men than Dmitri but were at a disadvantage because his men were already beaten up and tired.

Dmitri dodged as Curtis tried to hit him with the bar. The side of his head and body was covered in blood and his eyes looked wild. _Crazy._

“She must be a hell of a fuck,” he tried to goad him, lunging at Curtis to try and shake him up. “She’s all _mine_ once I kill you, Everett.”

_Over my dead fucking body._

Curtis got lucky, clipped the man’s chin with the bar and sent him stumbling as Harvey and the rest of his man fought against the rest.

It gave him a beat to look for his girl who wasn’t there in the middle of the fight now. Glancing around, he saw Park had pulled her and Jacob back to the mouth of the cave where she watched in terror.

Curtis took his eye off the fight too long and Dmitri got those powerful arms around his neck, cutting off his wind. Somehow, he hung onto the iron bar, swinging it down against the man’s knee hard, making him scream. Struggling for breath, he turned around and brought the bar down on the man’s head, hard. Another blow took him to his knees.

Curtis didn’t stop. Swinging the iron down over and over. Every time he let someone live, they fucked him. They came back to destroy any scrap of happiness he managed to find. _No more_.

Raising the bar over and over, he didn’t stop until the man stopped moving. Until his skull caved. Then he helped Harvey and rest as one by one, they took down Dmitri’s men. The last one took off running and Curtis watched his men take off after him. He watched as a man nearly the same size as Park took the man down, snapping his neck.

_It was done._ It was fucking done.

She ran at him so hard she nearly took him off his feet. Her arms tightened around his waist, her face buried against his chest as she burst into tears.

She was alive, and she was his. She’d chosen _him_. Despite the fact that he’d failed them. Despite what she just watched him do.

Curtis allowed the blood-covered bar to slide from his hand before wrapping his arms around her, dropping to his knees and taking her with him. He struggled to catch his breath as she blinked back tears, her eyes red and streaming as she gazed up at him.

One hand slid over his face, her palm sliding over his bearded jaw. She looked like she was trying to speak but couldn’t. Finally, she shook her head, flinging her arms around his neck and kissing him breathless.

Curtis couldn’t bring himself to care who was there watching, he kissed her back. He tried to pour everything he felt for his girl into that kiss. The relief and longing had him making a resolution then and there, he wouldn’t leave her again. Not to scout. Not for anything.

The feel of her lips against his, her trembling form back in his arms was everything.

_Everything._

When she finally broke the kiss, she still looked wrecked.

“I was afraid I wouldn’t… see you again,” she whispered. “I was so afraid…”

“Shhh,” he pulled her against his chest, trying to calm her down. “We’re going to be okay.”

Smaller arms wrapped around his neck and he grinned up at Timmy.

“I told her you were coming,” Timmy told him.

“You were right, pal.” Giving Timmy a squeeze, Curtis sighed.

“The rest of our group isn’t far away,” Curtis told her. “We need to take care of our people, okay?”

Her tears continued to fall but she nodded.

“Then we’ll make some plans because now that they know we’re here, they’ll be back,” he explained. “But we’ll stay together from now on. Okay?”

She nodded, a smile playing about her lips.

“I was afraid I wasn’t going to see _you_ again,” he whispered, pressing a kiss into her hair.

“What are we going to do, Curtis?” Timmy asked, looking around. “There’s dead people in the cave.”

His girl’s mouth dropped open, her heading turning in that direction. Then she grabbed his coat.

“Curtis… Rachel and David… are they—”

“They’re fine,” he put his hand over hers. “They’ll be here soon.”

She released a breath in relief but there were others she cared about lying in there. Curtis didn’t want her more upset if he could help it.

“I need you to do something for me,” he told her.

Her eyes widened on him, she nodded eagerly.

“I’m going to go get your medical supplies,” Curtis explained. “I need you to take care of Park for me… He took a beating from the looks of him. Can you do that for me?”

She gazed back to Park. “Of course. And I can go get–”

“No,” he cut her off. “We lost people. I don’t want you to see that, okay? Stay out of the cave until I say.”

Curtis didn’t miss the way the sun winked off the opal he’d given her, hanging around her slender neck. He didn’t miss the way her hand dropped from his coat to her tummy. He didn’t even think she realized she was doing it.

So it was _true_.

The thought of her carrying his child was a tempest of guilt, fear, lust, and longing that he needed to keep at bay right now. There was so much to do. But at the center of all those emotions was his girl and his first priority was to take care of her.

“Let’s take care of Park,” Curtis told her.

***

Before the sun set, the rest of your group had returned to the cave and you ran into Rachel’s arms when you saw her. David had an ugly head wound but you helped her clean it up, catching up with them on what had happened since you saw each other last.

Curtis and his men had cleared the bodies from the cave, and they’d created a funeral pyre that night so the group could mourn their dead. You’d stood with Yona and Jacob, the kids. The tears of those mourning loved ones brought your tears on. You’d cried a lot today. Rachel held onto you as Curtis lit the pyre they’d created with the bodies there.

You’d jumped when you felt his arms close around you from behind. Curtis stood behind you, pulling you back against him in full view of everyone. Your heart fluttered in your chest. Usually, he wasn’t very physically demonstrative around everyone else. But as you all stood there, saying goodbye to the members of your group that had been cruelly taken from you, you appreciated his strength.

And you caught some curious glances as you stood there in Curtis’s arms, but none that were unfriendly or even surprised. When it was time to go up to bed, you took a deep breath and climbed up before he did.

Your nerves were on edge. Your seeds were all still there. That was good.

Then there was the matter of your other news…

With all that had happened today, you weren’t going to tell him. No, you’d tell him about the pregnancy tomorrow. Or another day.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, dropping onto the bed next to you.

Maybe he was just asking because of everything that happened.

“I’m tired is all.” That was the truth. “Didn’t sleep a lot last night in the other cave. It was cold. But I’ll live. How are you?”

Curtis pulled off his cap, his hair longer now, just reaching his jaw and he raked a hand through it.

“I’m fine,” he told you. “Nothing a good night’s sleep won’t fix.”

Why was he looking at you like _that_? Curtis was studying you, watching you as you peeled off your coat and kicked off your boots. Normally he was all over you or ready to just go to sleep, though that was rarer.

Tonight, his gaze roamed over you like he hadn’t seen you in years.

“Not ready to go to sleep just yet,” his voice was low.

Sliding a hand under your hair, he wrapped his fingers around the back of your neck, pulling you in for a slow, careful kiss. You’d missed kissing him. You’d missed _him_ so much.

You let him pull off your sweater, your bra. Keeping his kisses gentle, his hands ran over you gently, your back and arms. When he pressed you onto your back on the bed beneath him, you watched as his gaze roamed over you. Rough fingers slid over your breasts, careful with them in a way he wasn’t normally.

“This okay?” he whispered.

_Wait._

“Curtis? Ah…” How were you going to say this?

Your heart sped up, anxiety rising fast.

His expression softened as he stretched out next to you on the bed, claiming your lips softly.

“Something you’d like to tell me?” he asked, gazing into your eyes with the softest expression.

_He knew._

_Oh, God._

“Who…” Tears came on. That’s all they did now. “I’m sorry… I—”

“Rachel,” he told you. Curtis pressed a finger to your lips, shaking his head. “Shhhh. There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

You searched his face. “But Curtis…”

“When did you find out?” he asked quietly as his fingers plucked at the fly of your pants.

“The morning you left,” you admitted, tears sliding from the corners of your eyes. “You’re not mad at me?”

“No,” he whispered.

And he meant it. As you watched, he pulled your pants open, revealing the soft surface of your belly to him. It didn’t look a lot different to you but as you watched one of his large hands slide carefully over it, you realized that yes, it was slightly bigger.

“What… what are you thinking?” you had to ask. Your heart was thundering in your chest right now, your view of him muddled by your tears.

Curtis lowered himself over you, his lips inches from yours. So much emotion in his beautiful blue eyes as he gazed down at you, smiling.

“That I love you,” he whispered, one hand still protectively over your belly. “That I want this. This baby. _You_.”

You were blinking back tears, staring at him with your heart hammering in your chest.

“I still need to get my head around it but… I’ve never been as scared in my life as I have been the last few days,” he explained, “knowing a group had made it past us and were coming for you… Knowing I could lose you. That I might not see you again.”

Your hand slid up to his face, brushing away a single tear that slid down his cheek. He trembled under your hand.

“I don’t deserve you,” he went on in a broken voice. “I won’t _ever_ deserve you… I’ve done things…”

Your heart cracked in your chest at his words, the pain and meaning behind them.

“He was right,” Curtis told you, more tears shining in his eyes. “I took you… But you weren’t mine to take.”

“Curtis, you-“

Pressing a finger to your lips, he cut you off. “But you chose us today.”

Your heart squeezed in your chest. “I did.”

“You chose _me_,” he whispered.

“I love you, Curtis.” You meant it.

Your tears fell around you like rain as your lips met, as you pulled off his clothes and he pulled off the rest of yours. For long moments, he just held you, kissed you like his life depended on it.

He explored your breasts with his mouth hands like you were made of glass, your heart melting at how careful he was. By the time he slid a hand into the apex at the top of your thighs, where you desperately needed it, you were wet and aching.

His fingers felt so good on your clit, teasing your opening.

“Need you,” you whispered. “Please… It’s okay, you know? Rachel said…”

Curtis grinned at you, moving over you and pressing your thighs open. “I know. It never slowed down anyone expecting back on the train…”

You had to laugh at that, but you weren’t laughing long. When the head of his cock slid through your folds, you almost came then. When he pushed into you, you didn’t think that anything had ever felt better in your life.

When Curtis reached the end of you, he began a slow, careful rhythm. Lowering over you on his forearms, he kissed you breathless as he filled you, loved you. You wrapped yourself around him like a vine, your thighs tight around his slim hips, your hands in the soft locks of his hair.

His fingers on your clit had you clenching around him hard, release riding you hard. And you needed it, craved it so badly.

“Come for me,” he whispered against your lips. “Can’t hold out… much longer.”

And you did. Curtis took your cries into his mouth as he rode you, careful to keep his weight off you as he chased his own release. He was beautiful to you as he threw his head back, his mouth slack as he came. His thrusts were hard, erratic inside you and you hung on loving every minute of it.

“Tell me again,” he whispered, still inside you. Curtis was all you could see above you. “Tell me you love me.”

“I love you,” you whispered.

His kiss was desperate, longing. When he lifted his head, he smoothed a hand over your hair, his gaze moving over you like you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #I do NOT consent to have my work hosted on any third party app or site. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but archiveofourown or tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission.#

Curtis woke up early as he always did. But he stayed. He was so glad to be back home, and he stretched as he sat up, got dressed.

Home wasn’t the cave that they’d have to leave in the very near future. It wasn’t the rocky terrain they’d occupied since Snowpiercer had crashed. It wasn’t the spring that provided for them or the mountain that sheltered them.

Home was the people who’d survived the horrors of the train. The people, _his people_, who’d taken care of each other, protected one another through so many dark hours.

Home was the girl curled up in his bed. _His girl_.

As the morning light filtered in, casting a fiery glow around them, he stretched out on the bed next to her, watching her sleep. Her hair was splayed out across the bundles they used for pillows, her lashes not quite covering the deep shadows beneath her eyes. Pulling the covers up over her bare shoulder, he slid a hand up into her hair.

She looked smaller to him somehow since he’d returned, and it made him uneasy.

_Pregnant._

The thought of her pregnant and the dangers it could bring scared Curtis.

The conditions had been horrible in the tail section of the train. But it hadn’t stopped life. There’d been pregnancies, intentional and otherwise, and just as many of them ended in tragedy as they did in joy. Curtis had wondered for the first several years why the front end even allowed them to procreate at all. It wasn’t until the end he understood why.

_The tail section provides a steady supply of kids._

There had been mothers who’d lost their babies before they were ever born along with babies born who never opened their eyes. Mothers had died of infection or childbirth, sometimes the child died with them. A few had made it and lived on like Tanya and Timmy. Little Andy had made it to childhood though his mother and Andrew’s wife had died giving birth to him.

Andrew had been so lost in the days after that, sitting off in the corner and holding his baby. Curtis remembered the pain etched in the other man’s face, knowing Andrew was blaming himself, wondering what he could have done to save her. Knowing how excited they’d been when she’d been expecting, even in the hell they lived in, only made the loss all the more tragic.

As Curtis slid his fingers carefully through the long locks of her hair, he tried to push down the fear.

_I love you, Curtis._

Her whispered words from the night before echoed in his mind. They were burned into his heart, branding him hers. She’d given herself to him, trusted him. Now she carried part of him inside her. 

How she could possibly love him? He didn’t understand. He’d taken her for himself and now she was pregnant. The fear in her eyes when she’d asked if he were mad at her haunted him. That she was pregnant was on him. Anything that happened to her as a result? Was on _him_.

Curtis resolved then and there that he’d do everything he could to get her through this. The child too if at all possible. It wasn’t that Curtis didn’t like kids. He liked them well enough. But it wasn’t ever something he’d envisioned for himself or even wanted.

His priority was _her_.

If the child survived, he was sure he’d love it. It was part of her. But he needed her to be okay. He needed _her_ to survive.

Considering his earlier days on the train, Curtis knew he didn’t even deserve a child. How did a monster like him deserve a tiny life when he’d taken it from others like a ravenous wolf? He’d been no better than an animal back then. It took Gilliam and others to shame him, to show him humanity before he’d become who he was now.

Curtis didn’t deserve any of it. Not the child. Definitely not her. But so long as she lived, he’d love her. He’d provide for her and protect her and any children she gave him.

The sound of someone climbing up got his attention. Rachel peered over the edge at him, her smile friendly. She carefully set a large bowl at the foot of his bed and an old metal mug filled with water next to it. The kind older woman then waved and climbed back down.

He didn’t have long to wonder what that was all about. His girl began to stir, feeling his warmth and then snuggling closer to him. Curtis smiled, wrapping his arms around her.

Then her eyes flew open and she bolted up, startling him. She dove for the bowl at the foot of the bed, heedless of the fact that she had nothing on, and began retching up the contents of her stomach into it.

Draping the covers over her shivering form, Curtis gently gathered her hair, pulling it away from her face as she hovered over the bowl miserably.

“Please don’t… look,” she whined, shaking as another wave came up. 

Curtis held onto her, trying to keep her warm and lending her his strength as she heaved up everything she could. When it finally passed, she swiped at her mouth with the back of the hand. He set the bowl to the side and handed her the mug.

“Drink,” he told her gently. “Small sips.”

She did what he told her, still shaking. When she put the mug down, he pulled her back into his arms and just held her. After a couple of moments, she began to warm and relax against him.

“S-sorry,” she muttered against his chest.

“Shhh,” he whispered. “Nothing to be sorry for… You’re going to need to eat soon.”

They needed to hunt, he realized. She was thinner than when he saw her last. That wouldn’t do. She was eating for her and the child. And he liked her curves.

Everyone was tired and beaten up after the events of the last few days. But they had to survive. Park would be too beaten up to hunt, but he could stay here with her while Curtis took a group out.

“I can’t eat,” she groaned into his chest miserably.

Curtis chuckled. “It _will_ make you feel better,” he explained.

Frowning up at him, she shook her head. “How do _you_ know?”

“Did you see a lot of pregnant ladies in your time at the front?” Curtis asked.

She paused at that, the lines smoothing away around her eyes. “Not really… There was a teacher who was pregnant there at the end. A strange woman… No one else I can remember.”

“Yeah? Well, we had quite a _few_ pregnant ladies in the tail section,” he told her, smoothing the last line between her brows away with a gentle thumb. “We lived those experiences as a group back there.”

He watched realization dawn on her face. “Oh… _Oh_,” she whispered. “I mean…”

Curtis nodded. “It didn’t always end well. Conditions were terrible… But sometimes everything was okay. You’ve seen Timmy. Eva.”

She nodded, her eyes still rounded in worry. “Rachel said… she could help me.”

Curtis nodded. “She was a great help to Tanya, Timmy’s mom. She’ll be good help to us… We _will_ get through this.”

She blew out an exhale, her gaze dropping. “You have so much responsibility already, Curtis… You didn’t _need_ this.”

Lowering a hand to her tummy, he smiled.

“But I _did_ this.” He winked at her. “And I don’t regret any of it.”

Oh, that had been the right thing to say. Her gaze flew back to his face, such hope in her eyes that his heart clenched. She burrowed into his chest, her arms wrapping around him tightly. Curtis just held her there, not finding it hard at all to stay when normally he was managing the needs of the entire group.

She needed him too. _They_ needed him.

When her breathing sounded better, he tipped her chin up until her gaze met his. “Let’s get you dressed and outside to take care of business. Then you’re going to eat.”

“I can go to the bathroom… by myself…” she said awkwardly.

Curtis nodded. “Just going to make sure you get there okay.”

“And I… really don’t think I’m… going to be able to eat anything,” she whined.

“I didn’t ask,” he told her, smiling. She was going to eat, and she’d discover that it would make her feel better.

Curtis could be persuasive.

***

Park, Harvey, and Luka had already left to go hunting it seemed. Curtis shook his head when David told him. Park looked as if he’d been pulled behind the train for a few miles and he couldn’t imagine how poorly he was feeling. He half expected Park to return early but he didn’t. The group got back at midday and had lucked out on finding game.

They’d lost some people with the other group’s attack. There weren’t as many to feed now and the eerie quiet that replaced the normal din of the cave was a big reminder of that. There were still tears, echoes of pain in their group as they mourned.

Curtis ended up reviewing maps, Park and Harvey joined him. When he happened to glance up, he saw his girl eyeing them from the fire where she sat quietly talking with Yona and Jacob.

“C’mere,” Curtis bid his girl, motioning her to him.

She rose and made her way over to him, taking a seat next to him after Harvey shifted to make room for her. When he noticed Yona and Jacob still glancing in their direction, Curtis waved them over too. Timmy and Eva were close enough for them to keep an eye on.

Jacob looked pleased, puffed up a little. Blowing out a sigh, Curtis tried to push out any petty annoyance. Jacob _had_ helped look after her when they’d been sent to hide in the other cave. Best he could tell, Jacob wasn’t interested in his girl. He had an eye for Yona.

He’d keep an eye on that situation.

“The front-end group found a small village,” Curtis told the group. “They had a village of small houses. They hadn’t been there long. They were still burning the bodies they’d pulled out of there at the center of town.”

Yona and his girl looked alarmed.

“They’d been there since the freeze,” Curtis went on. “My point is, we need to find something like it for our group. A small town, homes. We can put up a fence around it, have security details on it each night to keep us safe.”

“How many men did they have left at the camp?” Park asked.

Curtis shook his head. “Not many. They came after us and only a few of them ran away. That buys us some time.”

“Unless they sent out other groups to scout,” Park pointed out.

“Possible,” Curtis muttered as he scanned the map. “But I wouldn’t think so… I overheard a conversation there, that’s how I knew they came for us.”

Harvey nodded. “They got Nick. He put them up to coming after us.”

Curtis cut his gaze to his girl, but he could tell from the resigned expression she wore that she knew. One of the bastards had told her.

“We shouldn’t have let him live,” Harvey muttered.

Curtis appreciated the loyalty. His friend’s use of “we” told him that he thought that accountability was on more than just Curtis.

_Soon._ Curtis had no intention of allowing Nick to come back and bite him in the ass again. He’d deal with _that. _He also thought about the girls in that one small house, the sounds of their scared screams echoed in his mind.

That could have happened to _his_ girl.

And she was watching him so closely.

With a deep sigh, Curtis got back to planning.

“We’ll find a village where we can set up and secure it,” he told them. “That’s our priority right now. We’ll deal with everything else once we’ve managed that.”

Park and Harvey nodded. Jacob eyed the map curiously.

“We’re all going then?” Jacob wanted to know.

Curtis nodded. “We’re all going. We’ll figure out how to move everyone and what we need. We’ll move as a group.”

“Especially considering that they took out a lot of our older people and people like me,” Jacob added bitterly.

No one seemed to object. And he’d made his girl a promise.

Curtis had roughly identified the area where the other group’s village had been, and they decided they’d move in a different direction. It wouldn’t be an easy trek and they needed to identify possible towns close to useable water sources.

They sat there for some time, finally identifying four different possible locations. Each one his girl had approved because of the land areas around them, explaining the space was needed for potential crops. None were close to where they were now. The journey wouldn’t be easy. No, it would be dangerous. But they’d been through worse in the tail section the way Curtis saw it.

They’d get through this.

On the other side of the cave, Curtis noticed Luka eyeing the group of them on occasion. He could have invited him to join them but… He didn’t entirely trust the young man who’d once been in with Nick. Even though he’d stayed with their group. Even though Curtis had watched him snap the neck of another of his former friends.

Luka had still been one of them who would have had his girl that first night. He couldn’t muscle his way past that.

_Even though he’d been no better…_

It was getting dark outside by the time they’d finished up and his girl had been to relieve herself with Rachel’s help at least once an hour. In between, she’d nodded off here and there. Curtis thought she looked adorable leaning on his shoulder, trying to hold her head up.

Jacob chuckled watching her do it now.

“So, are we allowed to offer congratulations now?” Jacob asked with a smile. “For the bun in the oven?”

That woke her up. Her gaze flitted around to each of them but the only one who didn’t seem to know was Harvey.

“A baby?” Harvey asked with a smile. “That’s no surprise right there.”

Curtis laughed with him as she looked like she wanted the cave to collapse beneath her. He slid an arm around her shoulders, holding her close to him.

“Yep,” Curtis told him.

“Congratulations,” Harvey said to her with a kind smile. “I sincerely hope he or she looks like _you_ instead of this guy.”

Curtis laughed with him, they all did. His girl even had to smile at that.

“If it’s a boy,” Jacob threw in, “are you going to name him Edgar?”

The question stopped him cold. An image of Edgar’s face flashed in his mind and his heart sank. That wave of guilt that had never really gone away swelled up within him.

Swallowing hard, Curtis focused on folding up the maps. “We’ll talk about it.”

It was awkward then. Yona helped Jacob up and Park and Harvey drifted away.

Only his girl remained there with him and he could feel her concern. He finished folding up the maps, trying to get a grip on the memories preying on his mind.

“Are you okay?” she finally asked, her worried gaze meeting his.

_Sure. I’m okay. I know we haven’t talked a lot about Edgar. Maybe we should name our baby that if it’s a boy. You know I left him to die but let me tell you the rest of that story…_

She’d hate him. And the story could upset her, and that could harm her or the child. Or both.

“Fine,” Curtis muttered. “Just need to think some things through… We need to work out how we’re going to transport things, people.”

Handing her the maps, he made himself meet her gaze.

“Take these up,” he told her. “I’ll be back in a little while.”

“Where are you going?” she asked him, her eyes wide. He didn’t like the fearful shadows behind them.

“I’ll be back,” he said, fleeing the cave like the demons of his past were more than just specters in his mind that never left him.

***

Rachel made sure you ate dinner though your mind wasn’t on it. You sat with Yona and Jacob, not interested in the fish in front of you.

“It’s my fault,” Jacob told you, looking contrite. “I’m really sorry.”

Finally, you set the dish on your lap to the side. Rachel was watching you, but you didn’t care.

“He… he told me about Edgar,” you said slowly. “How he died. I know he’s upset about that but… I feel like there’s something else? Something he’s not telling me?”

And why wouldn’t he tell you? He’d just said he loved you. That he wanted you and the baby.

_Why can’t he let me in?_

Jacob looked thoughtful. “I was a little boy when we boarded the train. My sister was smaller than me. I don’t remember a lot about those early days. I just know that it was scary. Our father tried to keep us out of sight and quiet. He lived back there with us for almost ten years before he passed.”

“But there were stories,” Jacob went on.

“Stories you don’t need to be telling her,” Rachel said meaningfully as she took a seat beside you, putting the dish back in your lap. “The move is going to be hard enough on her as it is, Jacob. No need to be adding any upset on top of that.”

Jacob dropped his gaze, nodded.

What did Jacob know?

“You need to eat,” Rachel urged her. “You’ll only be sicker in the morning if you don’t.”

You doubted that. You cut her a sidelong glance.

“Don’t give me that look,” she told you with a grin. “Eat that.”

You were learning it did you little good to argue with her. 

Curtis didn’t return for dinner and your mind was a mess when you finally drifted up to go to bed. You stretched out, dimmed the lamp. Sleep didn’t come to you and your bed was cold.

_Where was he?_

You finally got back up, turned the lamp up and got the maps back out, studying them in the soft light. You missed the days of digital pictures on a phone, wishing you could see the area as more than lines and symbols on a paper map. What did the land look like? What did the soil look like?

You couldn’t wait to be able to grow things, to feel like you were contributing in some way. You could help keep everyone fed and teach the kids, anyone who was interested, how to help. If things didn’t thaw any time soon, you could fashion a greenhouse or grow things indoors. You knew a lot about that type of growing from the train.

But your days in the greenhouse on Snowpiercer often saw you thinking about what it would have been like to grow things on earth. To have all that unlimited space.

As it was, you’d just contributed another mouth to feed. You’d decided you were going to do everything you could not to be a bother on the trip to your future home. If you were tired or sick, you were going to do your damnedest not to let anyone know.

“Find something we missed?” Curtis asked quietly as he climbed up to join you.

_He’s back. But he looks so sad. His eyes look so haunted._

As much as you wanted to know what he was holding back from you, you decided he’d tell you when he was ready.

You just wondered if he ever _would_ be.

You shook your head, keeping your gaze on the map as he sank down onto the edge of the bed, pulled off his cap. While he worked at pulling off his boots and coat, you continued looking over the areas the group of you had pinpointed.

“I hope wherever we end up has trees,” you said what was on your mind. “Or we can grow some.”

“Yeah?” Curtis stayed where he was, elbows on his knees.

“Yeah,” you said, shifting the maps off the end of the bed and moving closer to him. Carefully, you wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing your ear against his back. It always made you feel better when he held _you_.

“When I was a kid, we had huge trees behind our house,” you told him. “I don’t remember a lot from my childhood, but I remember those. When I was small, I’d climb as high as I could go. My Mom would get so angry, running out there and yelling at me to get down.”

Slowly, you slid your hands up to his chest, smoothing them over the muscled wall you found there.

“One time she did that, she scared me,” you went on. “I fell out of the tree and broke my arm.”

Curtis didn’t say anything, but he was listening. When you felt him start to relax under your hands, you smiled.

“I was back in that tree the first chance I got, cast and all,” you told him. “I used to love to be up there. You could see so much from up there. It was my own private place.”

Curtis hummed when you began plucking at the buttons on his shirt. He wasn’t stopping you.

“I catch your ass up in a tree while you’re—”

You slid a hand down over the hardness you knew you’d find at the front of his pants, pulling a gasp from him.

“And you’ll what?” you whispered. “Spank me?”

That had him breaking free of your grip, twisting around to face you. At first, you thought he meant to grab you, but he stopped himself.

“I don’t think you would,” you told him with a grin. “Not right now.”

The shadows were fading from those blue eyes, darkening as his gaze moved over your body. It amazed you just how much he could get you going with just a glance. You moved closer, planting your hands on his shoulders and pushing him onto his back.

You wasted no time in straddling him, making sure your center was just above where he wanted you but not pressing down on him. You weren’t giving him friction at all. You finished the buttons on his shirts, spreading them open until his chest was revealed to you.

He watched you, no hint of the troubles he carried there now. His hands slid up your thighs, lightly gripping your hips.

“Guess I’ll just have to climb _you_ in the meantime,” you told him.

Most of the time when it came to sex, you let Curtis take the lead. But you also knew what he liked. Just maybe you could give him a break from all the things running wild in his head that he couldn’t share with you. You could draw him out, make him yours.

You chained kisses over his chest while your hands explored him. You started out with sweet presses, little nips. But he didn’t try to stop you and you got bolder. You used your tongue, your teeth. You tasted the salt of his skin along the length of his neck. He liked when you used your teeth lightly on his nipples. When you teased behind his ear, his hands slid up into your hair.

When you claimed his mouth for a kiss, Curtis was coming alive beneath you. His hips were thrusting up into your core, grinding lightly.

_Oh, he wasn’t going to speed you up._

Having him under you so willing was doing amazing things for your libido.

He didn’t want you to break the kiss, but you did, easing back as your fingers plucked at his pants. Staying ahead of him, you pulled him free, shifting down fast to get your mouth on him.

Curtis cried out when you began working him with your mouth, your hands teasing his sac and what you couldn’t fit into your mouth. You worked him up slow, teasing the head with your lips and tongue. You got him nice and wet before you began to really work him. You bobbed your head over his length until he was breathless and tense, rough hands holding your head to try and steer your movements.

You made him fight you, determined to bring him to release on your tongue.

You couldn’t stop him when he abruptly sat up, wrapping an arm around you to keep you from tumbling away from him. His other hand worked your pants, trying to shove them down and off you.

You had to laugh as he managed to strip off your pants, your sweater, your bra, and panties. You ended up straddling him wearing nothing but a heavy pair of gray socks. You would have found the moment funny if his fingers weren’t delicately sliding through your pussy lips, teasing your clit with a rough fingertip until you thought you’d lose your mind.

His kiss was demanding as he claimed your mouth. The swollen head of him pressed against your wet flesh, sliding up to bump at your clit – and he had it aching now – before sliding back to where you really needed him. When he began to push into you, he took your breath away. You helped him out, sliding down on his cock. You enjoyed the way he watched your body swallow him until he was buried deep inside you.

More desperate kisses before he dropped onto his back below you, his hands sliding up to cover your breasts.

“You gotta ride me,” Curtis whispered, pressing up into you. “Need you…”

Planting your hands on his chest, you began to do just that. You hadn’t been on top like that often and you loved the control, being able to move on him in ways that made your body crave more. Your pace wasn’t hurried, and you shifted carefully as you moved up and down, enjoying the fullness of him. You loved the sensitive triggers he hit inside you that you’d never reach on your own.

Curtis let you move on him as you wanted but you could tell he was losing patience. You were trying to find just the right spot as his hands worked your breasts carefully. When his hands slid down to your hips, you let him move you forward slightly.

_There it was._ The angle let you work him against that space inside you that had you gasping, your channel clenching around him in craving.

And he knew it.

Curtis held your hips right _there_, thrusting up into you now, faster with just the right amount of pressure.

“Oh,” you threw your head back, sensation flooding your body in wicked ways. “That’s… so good.”

“Yeah?” His voice was a lot closer now as he sat up again, startling you.

His mouth covered the tight point of one of your breasts as he continued to bounce you on his cock, holding you so that his cock was hitting you just right. His tongue lashed your nipple as he hit that mark inside you over and over. Your hands were locked in his hair, you were panting as you felt that swell of pleasure ready to overtake you.

And it did.

Curtis took your cries, your screams, into his mouth as he continued to push into you. He fucked you until you couldn’t stay upright and stayed inside you, following you down onto the bed. You fought to breathe, to get the world back from the fading black at the edges of your vision as the orgasm shook you apart.

You were aware that he was still hot, hard and driving inside you when you came back to yourself. Curtis had you pinned beneath him, his hands collaring your wrists as he kept up a steady rhythm inside you. His mouth dropped wet, heated kisses over your breasts, your neck, and face.

When he began teasing the shell of your ear with his mouth, your body was so on edge that just his breath had you shivering under him.

“Can’t get enough of you,” he whispered hotly in your ear. “Love the way your pussy feels around me… I love how desperate you are… riding me… under me…”

Curtis angled his thrusts to hit your clit as he sped up, his mouth staying by your ear.

“Love the way your body’s changing,” Curtis’s voice was low, strained. “Can’t wait to have you riding me… all round with my baby… all full…”

Oh, you were _so_ close now. Your walls fluttered around him as his thrusts fell out of rhythm.

He released one of your wrists to drop his hand between you, teasing your clit in just the right way…

Again, he took your breathy cries in as he kissed you, sloppy and deep, chasing his own end while you came apart. His thrusts came harder as your body throbbed around him and you struggled in his hold. His heart pounded against yours as he growled out his own end, his hips pushing in and holding several times as he fought to get his breath back.

Rolling onto his back, Curtis brought you with him. Your head rested on his heaving chest, his heart thundering in your ear. His arms were around you, hands smoothing over any part of you he could reach.

Curtis didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. You’d pulled him out of his head, back into your arms. 

You threw a leg across him, smearing his release and yours across his muscular thigh.

“What kind of trees were they?” he whispered in the gathering night.

You smiled, your fingers sifting through the dusting of hair on his chest.

“Apple trees,” you whispered. “They grew big, red delicious apples… I can still imagine how sweet they were if I try.”

“Doubt they’d taste as sweet as you,” he murmured in a sleepy voice, melting your heart.


	12. Chapter 12

The first day of your journey to find a new home was bitterly cold, even with the sun shining brightly overhead. The wind made it feel even colder, walking into it as you headed along the route you planned from reviewing the maps. The snow was deep in places as your caravan trudged along. Some of the men were pulling carts or struggling with mobility issues like David with his cane and Jacob with the new crutches Park had made for him.

By the time Curtis and Park had found a cave that offered some shelter, the sun was setting. Everyone started setting up camp, building fires and finding spaces to tuck in for the night.

Your entire body hurt. There was soreness in your body from the bracing against the cold. Your legs and back ached from so many hours walking in the snow. And your stomach was unsettled, grumbling at you for the last couple of hours. You were swallowing down hints of bile that threatened to rise by the time Rachel caught up with you.

And the older woman looked so tired. It made you ashamed to even think about your own discomfort. She and her husband were certainly old enough to be your parents if not older. And the children? Jacob? They _had_ to be exhausted.

Rachel whispered your name. “How are you doing?”

You nodded, hoping you were convincing. Hoping your stomach would play along. “How are you?”

Rachel waved away your concern. “I’m just fine. Don’t you worry about me. I’m going to go and grab some water.”

Your group had been following the line of the river and it was at the foot of the hill from where you now were. Maybe a trip to help her would make you feel a little better.

You made it exactly one step when strong hands on your shoulders gently pulled you back.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Curtis said low in your ear.

“I’m going to help Rachel get some water,” you explained.

“No, you’re not.”

Wrapping an arm around your shoulders, Curtis steered you in the direction of a good-sized fire he had going deeper in the cave. There was a small pile of blankets next to it that he urged you to sit on. Once you did what he wanted, he was pulling open your coat, pulling off your gloves. His gaze moved intently over your fingers.

What was he doing?

When he pulled off your boots next, then your socks, you had to ask. “Curtis? What—”

“Frostbite,” he said simply. “Just making sure you don’t have it.”

“How do you know you have frostbite?” You didn’t know.

“If your fingers and toes are still red, you’re fine,” he explained. “If the skin turns pale and hard…”

After he looked over your bare feet, his fingers carefully checked the ankle you’d injured in the crash. There was slight swelling, but it didn’t hurt.

You helped him pull your socks and boots back on, smiling when he draped a heavy blanket over your shoulders.

“How are you feeling?” he asked carefully, his gaze assessing you.

“I’m okay,” you assured him. “Just a little tired.”

Curtis nodded. “I need to check Timmy and Yona. Then I need to feed you. Stay here, okay?”

Luckily, you’d brought along enough food to feed everyone, at least tonight. You huddled between Yona and Timmy, warm by the fire and waiting until the fish were done. Your stomach picked that moment to revolt. You didn’t know where Curtis was at the moment, but you were grateful that he didn’t see you jump up and race out of the cave.

Going to the line of trees outside the cave, you doubled over and spat up bile. The dry heaving had you weak and shaking.

“Hello there.”

You froze at the sound of that unfamiliar voice. When you glanced up, you saw a young man standing in the shadows with a young woman next to him. They weren’t part of your group. Your heart slammed in fear.

Straightening slowly, you kept your eyes on them. They watched you just as warily. The girl looked ready to turn and flee.

“Who are _you_?” Park’s deep voice asked from behind you.

The young man held his hands up as if in surrender.

“Didn’t mean any harm,” he said quickly. “We’ve been staying in this cave is all. Since the train crash.”

“You look familiar,” Curtis said, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you back against him. “You were in the tail section once?”

They both nodded quickly.

“I’m Leo,” the young man explained. “This is Katarina… We were both in the tail section when we were little kids. They took us to work in the engine.”

You could feel the tension in Curtis behind you, his grip tightening just slightly.

“What happened when you got too big to work in the engine?” Curtis asked.

The girl’s gaze dropped. Leo’s gaze shifted between you and Curtis. “We… worked for Wilford.”

“Doing what?” Curtis pressed.

Leo’s gaze settled on you. “Sex work,” he said simply.

Wilford had used them as prostitutes? As children? The thought made you feel more ill than you already did.

Your heart sped up as memories spun in your mind. Is that what Wilford had intended for _you_? After he was done with you, you’d have been used by whoever he wanted to give you to?

Curtis must have felt you trembling, wrapping his other arm around you.

“How many of you are there?” Park asked.

“Just us two,” Leo answered. “We were part of a bigger group at first, a lot of people from the front… But they wanted to… they wanted us to do what we did on the train so…”

He didn’t have to say they left so they wouldn’t be used anymore. You couldn’t blame them for that.

“And you’ve been staying _here_?” There was a note of doubt in Curtis’s voice. “Eating what for weeks?”

“I’ve gotten pretty good at spearing a fish or two,” Leo admitted before hooking a thumb over his shoulders. “And berries. There’s some berry bushes we found at the foot of the hill… You have to be careful of the bears but…”

_Berries? _You wondered what type. That definitely got your attention.

“You’re… you’re welcome here,” Leo said slowly. “We’ll stay out of your way…”

You knew that Curtis and Park would be discussing this. But not here. Not now.

Not sensing an immediate threat, Curtis steered you back into the cave, back to the fire where Yona sat watching you curiously.

The two newcomers didn’t follow you. No way Yona could have seen them. Her smile was timid.

“Who were they?” she asked quietly.

_How did she know?_

As you all shared a meal, you couldn’t help but watch the cave entrance, wondering where they’d gone. Curtis wandered off to talk to Park and Harvey. It wasn’t long after that Leo and the girl he’d called Katarina wandered into the cave, drawing the curious glances of your people.

Leo looked around warily until his gaze met yours and he smiled. He was certainly a handsome young man with blond hair and wide green eyes. You could say his face was almost pretty, symmetrical with a strong line of jaw and a dimpled chin. He led the girl to your fire, grinning when Timmy and Eva almost ran him over playing.

“Jacob?” Katarina’s attention was riveted to him.

“Kat?” Jacob’s gaze raked over her as she kneeled before him, hugging him tightly. “I haven’t seen you for years.”

Kat had deep red hair that framed her face in waves and friendly dark eyes. Those eyes were shiny with tears when she pulled back, taking a seat next to Jacob.

“Your leg?” Kat nodded to his lower body.

Jacob as he always did, always wanting to put people at ease, shrugged. “I tried to chase them down when they took Grace.”

Kat laid a careful hand on his shoulder. “Grace was alive. At least when the… train crashed.”

The look she cast over her shoulder at Leo was curious.

Leo walked around the fire, taking Curtis’ seat next to you. “I didn’t catch your name,” he said with a smile.

And when he smiled? Well, Leo was really attractive you thought with no small amount of guilt.

It didn’t help that you felt Curtis’s eyes on you from where he stood, talking to Park in the shadows, his gaze hard to read as it moved to Leo.

The look Curtis cast Leo made you involuntarily shudder.

Hesitantly, you gave Leo your name.

“Were you from the tail section?” he asked quietly.

You just shook your head. You didn’t know them even though Jacob was talking away to Kat. Yona you expected wouldn’t be pleased by the turn of events, and she didn’t look happy. She’d pulled her knees to her chin where she sat, wrapping her arms around her legs.

You would have thought she’d be jealous of Jacob catching up with Kat. No, she was watching Leo.

“Are you okay?” Leo drew your attention back to him, his expression friendly. “You were ah… sick?”

You nodded. “Something didn’t agree with me I guess.”

There was no way you were mentioning the pregnancy to one of the newcomers.

“What part of the front were you in?” he pressed on. “I don’t ever recall seeing you.”

You shook your head. “You wouldn’t. I was a worker, not a passenger,” you explained. You weren’t going to mention the greenhouse car either. Just to be safe.

Leo’s smile faded and he dropped his, nodding. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “You’re uncomfortable with us because of ah…”

At that moment, Kat’s gaze cut to Leo and then you. You didn’t like the fear you read in her dark eyes. Her face darkened as she dropped her gaze.

Leo went to stand but you stayed him with a hand on his forearm. He stopped, his wary gaze meeting yours.

You shook your head. “No, that doesn’t… No,” was all you could say. “I’m sorry if I’ve been rude. I’m not feeling like myself tonight.”

Considering you’d been throwing up when they first saw you, it was a reasonable explanation. And Leo bought it, easing back down to where he sat next to you.

“Some people are unkind when they learn that you’ve…” he explained.

“Was it your choice?” you had to ask.

Leo shook his head, meeting Kat’s gaze.

“How old were you when…” You stopped when you saw tears shining in Kat’s eyes. You didn’t want to make them uncomfortable. You couldn’t imagine.

“Children,” he said only.

“Do you know,” Jacob cut in, “if my sister survived the crash?”

Your heart broke for your friend. Yona leaned in close, wrapping an arm around his shoulders like she wanted to hold him together.

“I don’t know,” Kat said quietly. “We weren’t in the same place when the crash happened… We haven’t seen her since then.”

“But we didn’t see her body either,” Leo told him. “A lot of people survived. There are bound to be more groups than this one and the ones we parted with… She might be out there.”

There was hope which was more than Jacob had before the crash. It was something.

“The taller man,” Leo said just to you. “The one with the cap. Is he your leader?”

You nodded. “That’s Curtis,” you explained, your gaze meeting that of your lover.

_Oh, he’s not happy about this situation at all._

Leo’s green eyes rounded. “Curtis? _The_ Curtis? The one who led the tail-section revolt?”

You nodded. Everyone in the front section of the train had seen the transmissions. Had seen his image posted as he led his group all the way up to the engine.

“You didn’t know him from your time back there?” you asked.

“I was small,” Leo told you. “Only five when they came for me. I might have known Curtis… But I don’t remember. The only reason we remember Jacob is because he was our age. We played together.”

“What do you remember?” you asked before you could stop yourself. Leo probably didn’t remember a lot but he seemed to want to talk about it.

“I remember my father got sick not long after we boarded,” he told you. “He died. It was scary without him. Everyone was starving… I remember an old man hiding us kids. At least until we started getting the blocks.”

“The protein blocks?”

Leo nodded.

“What did you eat before that?” you wondered aloud. “You said people were starving.”

Sadness crept into his expression. “Best I remember? The people back there… ate each other.”

You knew you were staring then. He couldn’t be serious.

Cannibalism?

“What?”

Leo nodded. “It was Grace, Jacob’s sister, who explained it all to us. She was older when they brought her to the front. I don’t know if she remembered or was told… But she said that in the first few weeks, there was no food. No water. Since Wilford’s men took all possessions from the tail-section, those who had illnesses that needed medication? They didn’t last long without it… And the people still alive back there? They had to eat _something_.”

Okay, Rachel had told you some of that. She hadn’t mentioned the cannibalism. Your stomach was threatening to revolt again at the thought.

“But it turned into something worse,” Leo continued. “After that first wave died, the strong started eating the weak.”

_Oh, God._

“Can I talk to you outside?” Curtis broke into your conversation, standing over Leo in a way that made you pause.

Leo blinked a couple of times, shaking his head like he was trying to clear it, and rose to his feet. Curtis’s gaze stayed on him and he motioned Leo to follow him out of the cave, outside where Park, Harvey, and his other men waited.

Kat’s fearful expression met yours.

“It’s okay,” you wanted to comfort her. You had no idea if you were right.

But the two of them seemed harmless. Considering that they’d suffered too at the hands of Wilford, you thought maybe Curtis would let them join your group. Jacob knew Kat. Apparently, he knew Leo too.

“Kat?”

Rachel and David hurried over, grabbing the young woman in a group embrace when they reached her. Rachel’s eyes were shiny with tears.

“I’m so happy to see you,” Rachel told her. “How have you been?”

The older couple joined your fire, flocked around Kat with Jacob.

You were still puzzled that the girl’s presence wasn’t bothering Yona. And she wasn’t trying to listen in on their conversation any more than you were. Her focus wasn’t on Jacob or Kat.

No, her gaze was on the side entrance of the cave you’d found. Where Curtis had led Leo.

“Are you okay?” you asked Yona quietly.

Your friend nodded.

“Do you recognize them?” you asked her. Had she encountered them at some time when she was up front?

Yona shook her head, her big dark eyes looking haunted.

“What is it?” you had to ask.

Yona had eerily accurate intuition at times.

“I don’t know yet,” was all she said.

You swallowed hard. You had to ask.

“Do you sense anything about them, Yona?”

Those dark eyes swung to you. “Something about… him.”

You nodded, staying there with Yona and staring into the fire.

Leo seemed friendly, approachable. It seemed like he was just trying to survive. Like you. Like everyone.

But something about talking to him made you uneasy.

He said that there’d been another group of front enders. There was a good chance it was the group that had attacked yours. Nick was with that group. What if Nick had talked to him? Why did he seem drawn to you?

But then he said they’d been here in the cave where you sat for weeks. They’d left the group because they would have been expected to service people sexually as they on the train. Had the group just let them leave? Your heart went out to them. Something told you that they had been abused in their time, especially Kat. You wanted to make them feel welcome. You knew something about being at the whims of others.

And then there was Curtis.

Curtis didn’t seem to like Leo at all. Was it because he talked to _you_? Was Curtis jealous?

Leo was attractive and charming.

But Curtis was _more_ attractive to you. No one could ever accuse him of being charming, but he showed you in so many ways that you mattered to him. That he loved you.

***

Park checked Leo for weapons as Curtis watched. A pretty stout knife was all they found. The knife was well-crafted with a bone handle. It was a nice piece that came from the front end. Leo explained that he used it to make spears for fishing.

The young man was nearly as tall as Curtis but thin, almost delicate. His face was pretty, his blond hair curling at the ends like a woman’s. For someone who did a lot of fishing, his hands were remarkably unscathed. His girl had rougher hands than Leo did.

Speaking of his girl, Leo’s gaze had already cut back to her, back where she sat with Yona talking quietly. The girl that had come with him was there talking to Jacob, David, and Rachel. Curtis did remember her from the early days on the train. Her color hair wasn’t common. The girl didn’t disturb him.

The way Leo was eyeing _his_ girl? Yeah, he wasn’t happy about that at all.

“Who is she?” Leo asked, not looking away.

“Mine,” Curtis said meaningfully.

Leo’s gaze slowly moved to him, the green eyes rounding in realization.

“Sit,” Curtis steered him towards the other fire Park had established out of earshot from the cave. “Let’s talk about you.”

Leo blinked nervously but his gaze stayed on Curtis. “What do you want to know?”

Harvey and Park joined them in a circle around the fire.

“How long have you _really_ been here?” Curtis wanted to know.

“I told you,” Leo said carefully.

“You said you’ve been here for weeks,” Curtis reminded him. “If that were true, there’d be some evidence, wouldn’t there? You’d have things stashed in the cave. There’d be signs.”

Leo started gnawing on his lower lip. He blinked rapidly, his gaze shifting to Harvey and Park before returning to him.

“How long have you been here?” Curtis asked him calmly.

He felt anything but calm on the inside. The kid was lying. He wanted to know why. He wanted to know if he was working with the front enders whose place they’d discovered. Hell, there could be another group of front enders for all he knew.

Curtis wasn’t taking any chances. Not with his group. Not with his girl or his child.

“Curtis,” Leo said slowly. “You’re… you’re right. We haven’t been here that long at all. I just… considering the mess I got us out of… I didn’t want you to worry about us. Kat and I? We’re not a threat to you. I promise. We just want a chance, you know?”

Curtis listened.

“We’re from the tail section too, you know,” Leo said slowly.

“You _were_,” Harvey added. “When you were a kid. That was some seventeen years ago.”

“Let’s take it back to when the train crashed,” Curtis cut in. “And then…”

Leo’s slender hands fidgeted in his lap. “The train crashed and a small group of us from the pleasure car… we were rounded up by a group of soldiers from the front. They told us we had to go with them. We were missing a couple… I didn’t know where Selena was or Grace… Jacob’s sister.”

Jacob’s sister? Curtis remembered her. They had taken her just before the last revolution.

Curtis just listened to him describe the several-days journey to the village. It didn’t take Curtis long to realize that the young man was describing the village he snuck into. The fire pit at the center made him sure.

“So how did it work for you there?” Curtis asked. “They keep you in a guarded cabin?”

The fear that flashed in those green eyes was unmistakable. Curtis knew then something was wrong here.

“How… something like that,” Leo told him. “There aren’t as many people as on the train and…”

Curtis nodded, could feel Harvey and Park’s interest.

“You expect me to believe that they just let the two of you go?” Curtis had to ask.

Leo was looking over his shoulder, missing the question. Curtis felt his anger flare to realize that the fucker was looking at his girl. _Again._

“Hey,” Curtis said loud enough to get his attention.

“Huh?”

“Do you expect me to believe that they just let the two of you go?” Curtis asked forcefully.

Leo looked fearful now.

“Did they send you up here?” Curtis pressed.

Leo swallowed hard.

“Who sent you?” Curtis demanded.

Leo put his hands up defensively. “You… have to understand. Things are scary there for them. They lost most of their men coming after you.”

Harvey’s brows lifted in surprise. Park’s expression didn’t change.

“You knew about that?” Curtis wanted to know.

Leo nodded. “There was a group that you cast out. One named Nick… He was cut up really badly… Said you tried to kill him.”

Curtis smirked at him. “I _should_ have killed him.”

The fear in Leo’s expression grew.

“He told them where you were,” Leo explained. “But most of the soldiers they sent out didn’t come back. The powers that be were upset… because you killed Dmitri. He kind of ran security so…”

“So?” Curtis asked.

“They were still trying to decide what to do with him, his friends that came back, I _think_ one or two did,” Leo went on. “They may have killed him already. He promised them he knew so much about you. “

“They were after her,” Curtis said baldly, motioning back towards his girl.

Leo’s gaze flicked to her and back. “Yes… to hurt you.”

“What they tell _you_ to do to her?”

Leo’s gaze dropped now, and he shook slightly. He blew out an exhale.

“Curtis,” Leo’s eyes were shiny now. “We’re… scouts. They agreed to let us out of our… duties… if we’d agree to see where you were going. To report back.”

“And it was just going to be that easy, was it?” Park asked calmly.

“I let them believe that,” Leo explained carefully. “We… Kat and me… we thought if we could just talk to you guys… We’re from the tail-section.”

“You just thought to join in? No questions asked?” Curtis sneered. “And then what? When they come to find you, what? What’s left of my group is in danger because of you?”

Curtis rose, feeling the heat rise in his face. “Do you know how many people we lost to them? People who’d already had limbs taken. Older people. _Butchered_ because of Nick and because of the same fucking class war that kept us miserable for eighteen years. I’ll be damned if I left you do us any more damage.”

His fists were filled with the younger man’s fine coat. Leo trembled in his clutches. “Curtis, I—”

“Why shouldn’t I just kill you right now?” Curtis growled at him. “Why?”

Tears streamed down Leo’s face. “Because… because of Grace…”

“What?” Curtis tightened his fists.

“They will… will kill Grace if we don’t…”

“Jacob’s sister?”

Leo nodded.

“They’re likely tracking us already,” Park grumbled. “Fucking great.”

Curtis shoved him roughly to the ground, glaring down at him. “What are they after now?”

“You,” Leo said with a quivering lower lip. “For revenge.”

Curtis cocked a brow at him. “_Just_ me.”

After a moment, Leo shook his head.

Oh, Curtis knew they’d be after his girl. They’d do it just to hurt him. Nick had ensured they knew all about her.

Curtis pinned Leo in place with his stare, thoughts racing through his head. The other group wasn’t going to let them be. Why lead them to the places where they hoped to make a home?

And he didn’t know what if anything the little bastard said was true.

_Fuck._

“Secure him for the night,” Curtis said to Park before stalking off. “Find a couple of lookouts for us, will you?”

Park nodded before rising. “The girl?”

“Kat? Watch her,” Curtis bid him.

Park yanked Leo off the ground with Harvey’s help.

Curtis didn’t go too far. How could he when he didn’t know if someone were right behind them?

Heading up the stony path around the cave they’d found, Curtis slumped against the rock several feet up, tired and frustrated.

He didn’t see another way. They were just going to have to stop that other group. How he was supposed to do that with just two-thirds of his men left, he didn’t know. But it was apparent they weren’t going to quit. And he’d be _damned_ if a single one of his people would fall into their clutches.

“Curtis?” There she stood in front of him, her big eyes shining in the shadows as she shivered before him. “Are you okay?”

“What are you doing out here?” he whispered, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into him, burying his face in her hair. The gentle scent of her infiltrated his senses. Helped quell the rage that had built up. At least for the moment.

“I want to make sure you’re okay,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around him. “You’re upset.”

Curtis didn’t deny it.

“So is Leo…”

“Don’t want to talk about it right now,” he whispered, pressing his lips to her neck. “Tomorrow.”

Pulling his girl tighter against him, he enjoyed the way her softness pressed against him. His hands skimmed over her back, down her sides. Her breath came faster, and he felt the tension easing away. When he grabbed her hips and pulled her against him, he ground his erection into her.

Curtis chained kisses up to her ear. “I need you,” he whispered into that shell. “Please.”

“Here?” The squeak in her voice was adorable and she offered the slightest protest to his desires. The tension returning to her body. Her little hands on his chest.

“Here and now,” he whispered, roughly turning her away from him.

They were far enough away, if they could be quiet. If _she_ could be quiet. Curtis hauled up the back of her coat and gripped the front of her pants, loosening the layers she wore, gently pushing them down in the back over her hips, slightly down her thighs.

He could have laughed at the way she quickly grabbed his own coat, pulling it around her to conceal the fact that he’d just bared the most intimate parts of herself for himself. While she was busy hiding in his coat, he pulled free of his gloves, one arm wrapping around her body to hold her steady while the other one slid over the warm flesh of her ass, down into the wet heat that he craved.

The scent of her excitement was a welcome scent, conquering his head as his fingers slid along the silky folds of her. Curtis loved the way she fought to hold still for him, grew harder as her thighs tried to trap his hand between them. The soft flesh of those thighs quivered as he stroked that tender pearl at the center of all that heat. Her little hands had a death grip on his coat, her hips grinding back against his cock as he continued to torment her for long moments.

When Curtis pulled her back into his chest, his fingers still busy in her dripping petals, he knew she was fighting to be quiet with all she had. He loved it. He loved feeling her fall apart around him. He knew the thought that Park or Harvey or anyone could walk right up the hill and catch them terrified her.

He knew it excited her too, especially if his soaked hand was any indication.

“Need to be inside you,” Curtis whispered into her ear before sucking the lobe into his mouth gently.

He chose that moment to slide a finger into her channel that he knew was craving more right now, craving _him_. Curtis held her tightly as he slid in a second finger, his thumb working her clit. It was an odd angle, but he made it work. He was barely stroking the spot where she craved his touch most.

A small sob pulled from her when he’d brushed it several times.

“Ready for me, Sweetheart?” he whispered hotly.

“Please,” her whisper was barely audible.

Curtis’s heart clenched at that whispered plea. Pulling himself out, he slid the swollen, aching head of himself over that hot, soaked flesh, back and forth, aching to be joined with her. Curtis sucked in a breath when he sank into her, the soft heated walls caressing him with every movement, stretching to make room. It was everything he wanted and needed, holding her with both arms and working up into her in rhythmic, bold strokes.

When one of his thrusts brushed against her g-spot, her gasp was loud. He lifted a hand to her mouth and worked her harder, faster. Curtis worked to hit that mark each time and it was a little bit of a fight to hold onto her. He managed, drowning her in the desire he’d unleashed in her body.

Curtis loved the way she craved him, the way her body reacted to just the thought of his. Being buried in that heat in the shadows all around them went to his head like the best whiskey. When her body clenched around his, weeping around his cock, Curtis knew she was close. His other hand slid down, into her panties, his fingers finding her clit and stroking her just the way she liked. Just the way he knew would take her apart.

Curtis winced when she bit his fingers lightly, squealing behind his hand as she came. And he didn’t let up on her. His thrusts were quick and hard as he fucked into her – _God it’s so good_ – and somehow, he managed to hang onto her as he reached his own release.

With his face buried in her neck, Curtis came _hard_. Her center clenched around him like a vice, over and over, until he had nothing left. It took his breath. It sent electrical current all through his body and shook him until everything was lost but _her_.

He cleaned them up as much as he could, sliding his hand over the growing swell of her tummy before he put her clothing back in place. He decided he liked the idea of his release on her thighs as he walked her back to the group.

Curtis was tired from the day, from the surprise ending that had upended their carefully laid plans. 

If he had to deal with the front-end group before they could establish their life? So be it.

Curtis was so done with being on the run, on the defensive. The safety of his group was important and as long as the other group considered themselves superior, they would always be in danger.

Curtis would teach them to respect him. He’d ensure the safety of his people. His family. They wouldn’t lay a hand on his girl or their baby.

She was asleep when he got back from making sure everything was in place to protect the group for the night. Stretching out behind her, Curtis grinned at the way her body slid back against him. His girl, even in sleep, sought his warmth and strength.

And he’d never let her down.

Tomorrow, they’d make a plan to deal with the front end group and Nick, once and for fucking all.


	13. Chapter 13

Curtis was gone when you woke up, buried beneath the blankets he’d left for you. He couldn’t have been gone long because he’d built up the fire and everyone in your group around it was still sleeping. Timmy was snuggled up on one side of Yona with Jacob on the other.

It took a few minutes for the cobwebs to fall away from your mind. You were in a different place. A different cave that you’d discovered yesterday after hours of travel.

Then you remembered the newcomers, Leo and Kat. A quick glance around you showed you that they weren’t there.

_Why weren’t they there? _

Wait. Where was Eva?

Harvey’s small daughter usually came over to sleep next to Yona and Timmy when Harvey followed Curtis and the other men out. Once in a while, she went to David and Rachel but it was rare. Where was she? If Harvey were going to do something else, he would have told you.

Pulling yourself up, you waited a beat for the nausea to rise. It did. You took some deep breaths, looking around cave beyond your group. But there was no sign of Eva – or Leo or Kat.

Something felt off. Very off. The bright colors of dawn were just now streaking the sky in pink and orange when you made your way to the mouth of the cave. You paused against one of the rocky walls to breathe, to fight your stomach. After a couple of slow breaths, you were okay. You were fine.

You barely made it off the main path to the cave when the contents of your stomach came up. Your hand flew up to catch your opal necklace, dangling under your chin. You tucked it into coat to get it out of the way, trying to breathe through the next wave of nausea.

That’s when you heard the sound of retching. Only it wasn’t _you_. Was that Eva?

Fear made you forget your own stomach as you dashed after the sound, going around the opening of the cave to the top of a pretty steep hill. Eva had almost made it to the top, doubled over in the snow and throwing up in an alarming way.

You scrambled down to the child, wrapping an around her as her body began to shake violently. Convulsions.

_Shit. _Your heart pounded wildly in your chest. You scanned the area, looking for anyone else but there were no other tracks in the snow aside from Eva’s smaller ones. No one else had been there.

With a speed and grace you hadn’t had for a month, you raced back up the hill and into the cave.

“Rachel! Yona!” you called desperately. “Rachel!”

Everyone in the cave was popping up now, probably conditioned from Wilford’s men showing up whenever they felt like it to take whatever they wanted back on the train. Rachel moved with the efficiency of a much younger woman. She had her boots on and was heading in your direction in seconds. Yona wasn’t far behind her.

“Honey, are you okay?” Rachel’s eyes scanned you.

You shook your head, out of breath. “It’s not me… Eva…”

You motioned for them to follow and you led them to the hill and down to where Eva’s body writhed wildly in the snow.

“What happened?” Rachel asked when she reached the child first.

You shook your head. “I don’t know. She must have wandered out here… She was vomiting when I first found her and…”

“We need to get her out of the snow,” Rachel told them, motioning for Yona to help her gently pick up the girl so they could carry her.

Timmy called your name then. His dark eyes were wide with fear when he took in the scene before him. 

“What happened to Eva?” the child fearfully asked.

Timmy was brave as any of the adults. You didn’t want him scared. You placed a hand on his shoulder just like Curtis did, and got on his eye level.

“Timmy,” you told him with a calm voice. “Get them into the cave. Stay with her. I’m going to look around for just a moment and then I’ll be right there.”

“Curtis will get mad if I leave you by yourself,” the child reason as Rachel and Yona finally got a grip on Eva. The convulsions appeared to be slowing down.

“No, he won’t,” you told him. “I’ll be just a minute. I promise.”

Timmy didn’t look so sure, but he took on the task, leading them back up the hill and holding Eva’s hand.

Wildly you glanced around, glanced down at the pile of vomit the child had spat up. Covering your nose and mouth against the smell, you bent down to get a closer look. There wasn’t a lot of food, but the color red got your attention. Tiny skins…

_Berries._

The bushes were at the bottom of the hill. You remembered Leo mentioning that they were there, explaining the berries had helped feed him and Kat while they stayed there.

Carefully, you made your way down that hill to those shrubs and your heart lurched in fear. The shorter shrubs with their clusters of small red berries did look familiar.

_Wolf’s berries. _Those were highly poisonous. Your mother had taken you for hikes as a child, explained to you what was safe to eat and what wasn’t when it came to plants in the wild. It wouldn’t take many to hurt a small child. When you ran back up to look at what she spat up, you thought you saw three berries.

Leo and Kat hadn’t eaten those berries. A handful would have killed them. There were no tracks aside from Eva’s.

_Leo lied._

Making your way back up the hill, you wondered if anyone knew where Curtis and his group were so you could send someone for Harvey. When you got back into the cave, heading over to David and Rachel’s fire, your gaze met that of the older woman.

“Rachel, she ate poisonous berries,” you told her. “Wolf’s Berries. Three of them.”

Rachel’s eyes widened. The child half lying on her lap was still trembling, curled in on herself and clutching her stomach.

“I need to wipe out her mouth,” Rachel said then and Yona was rifling through the bags they brought, looking for something to use. Your brought over one of the pitchers from the train for water, pouring a cup.

“Do we know where Curtis went?” you asked them. “We need to get Harvey. She’s going to want her Dad.”

When hands grabbed your shoulders from behind, you startled. Jerking around, you found Kat behind you, her dark eyes wide and filled with tears.

“They have Leo,” she whispered, desperation bleeding into her expression.

“Who has Leo?” you had to ask.

“Please,” she begged you, nodding. “They’re going to hurt him.”

What was going on?

“Curtis has him?” If so, Harvey would be with him.

Kat nodded, lightly gripping your forearm. “Please. Maybe he’ll listen to you.”

You glanced around at your group. Rachel and David were tending to Eva and she needed her father. Timmy would stay there.

Yona’s dark eyes were wide on you.

“Don’t go,” she warned you.

You stopped. Yona’s intuition, you’d learned, was usually pretty strong and eerily accurate. If she didn’t want you to go…

“Why?” you asked her.

Yona’s dark eyes shot to Kat and back to you. “Just don’t.”

Tears flowed freely now from Kat’s pretty eyes. “Please,” she begged you. “I love him… He’s all I have.”

You eyed the newcomer with a feeling of dread. You knew Yona was sensing something off. But you really needed to get Harvey for Eva.

You stared Kat down.

“Have you set a trap for me?” you wanted to know. “Because if anything happens to me, Kat…” You didn’t finish that statement. You didn’t feel you needed to.

Her eyes widened at that. Yona was staring her down now, backing up your claim.

“No,” she denied. “No, please. It’s just Leo… Just him and me. No one else, I swear.”

You blew out an exhale. It _wasn’t_ just you that was at risk anymore. You also had your baby to think of.

The sound of Eva gagging behind you caused you to make a snap decision.

“Take me to them,” you ordered Kat.

Kat led you out of the cave as David and Rachel watched you with wide eyes. Yona, however, was following you. When you reached back with your hand, Yona took it and held it in hers. You were so grateful for her, knowing she was there.

Kat led you down along the river to a shallow area where you were able to cross over. Yona went first, helping you across the rocks and the water, making sure you didn’t fall. From there, it wasn’t a long walk. Clever of Curtis to use the river to keep anyone off his trail.

Now you really wondered what he meant to do. Did he have Leo? _Were_ they hurting him?

The scene that greeted you answered most of those questions. Kat ran past Curtis, Park and Harvey to Leo who was on his knees in the snow. His hands were tied behind his back and his face was bloodied. She threw her arms around his neck, crying into him as if she could protect him with her smaller form.

Your heart lurched in your chest. _What was happening here?_

Curtis slowly turned, his eyes wide when he spotted you and Yona there.

“Harvey,” you said to your friend. “Eva needs you. She’s sick. Rachel will explain when you get there.”

Harvey trusted you. His dark eyes widened as he looked to Curtis who nodded his consent. All of you watched as Harvey swiftly ran the way you came.

You could feel Curtis’s gaze on you. Park, all his men.

“Please let us go,” Kat’s tear-filled voice interrupted the awkward silence. “I don’t know why you’re doing this… We want to join your group… Please… We’re not helping _them._”

Your emotions were all over the place. Your heart went out to Kat because all you saw was a young woman protecting the man she loved. You’d do the same.

But Eva was back at the caves, sick from the berries Leo lied to you about.

Curtis’s shadow stole your sun as he leaned close to whisper in your ear. “Sweetheart, go back with Yona. Let me handle this.”

Yona had taken your hand again, tugged on it as if telling you to listen to him.

“What’s happening here?” you wanted to know.

Curtis didn’t know about the berries, did he? Why did he have Leo bound in the snow, beaten bloody? What didn’t _you_ know?

“We need Leo to tell us what we’re facing,” Curtis raised his voice so everyone could hear. “We need them to tell us what trap’s been set for us.”

Your gaze locked with Leo’s. His green eyes were glossy with tears, blood ran from his nose. Your name was a choked sound on his lips.

“I’m so sorry.” Leo hung his head, crying. “I lied to you… I did…”

You moved close to Leo and Kat, your gaze not wavering. “You did,” you told him. “You lied to _us_.”

You could feel Curtis walk up behind you, his strength at your back.

“Wh-what?” Leo stammered.

Leo’s gaze was back on you and he looked genuinely afraid. Maybe it was because Curtis was right behind you but still… it was a new experience for you.

Kat shook her head, silently begging you not to proceed.

“The berries,” you said calmly. “They’re poisonous. You didn’t eat those. If you had, you’d be dead.”

Park turned, his gaze riveted on you.

“One of our children ate them,” you told Leo with a calm that you didn’t physically feel. Your body trembled but it wasn’t in sickness. It wasn’t fear at all.

You were _furious_.

“Berries?” Leo’s gaze crazily scrambled between you, Curtis, and Park. He looked terrified and you were having a hard time feeling sorry for him. “I… we didn’t know… I-I’m sorry… so sorry…”

You felt Curtis tense behind you.

“I’m guessing that wasn’t what _you _meant when you said you lied to me,” you continued. “So what else did you lie to me about?”

Kat buried her face in Leo’s neck. Her words replayed in your mind.

“She said you weren’t helping _them_,” you repeated. “The group that attacked us, right?”

Curtis’s hand was heavy on your shoulder. You didn’t realize until that moment that tears were sliding from your eyes.

“Sweetheart,” he whispered from behind you.

“You came from them, didn’t you?” you asked tightly. “Nick’s there… _Right?_”

Leo didn’t have to answer. You saw it in the way what little color he had drained out of his face, the way his throat worked as he swallowed hard.

You shook your head, swiped at your tears with the hand Yona wasn’t holding.

“I felt sorry for you,” you told them, your anger escalating. “I might even have understood… even though I’m terrified of them. Of what they might do…”

“B-because Nick wants you?” Leo muttered.

Curtis’s hand tightened on you before falling away.

You shook your head. 

“I’m not afraid for me,” you explained. “Do you know what they _did_ to us? Do you care? You want to be part of the tail section so badly now. You realize we had many people in our group missing arms, legs. They _slaughtered_ them… like animals, Leo. Our elders? They killed most of them too.”

“A-and you stopped them. Dmitri… he’s dead,” Leo tried to sound reasonable.

“I watched him die,” you told him tearfully. “They want Curtis… more than anything and if I lose him… I’m lost…”

Leo’s expression was pleading while Kat hung onto him for dear life. You didn’t know what her involvement was in everything. Leo? He knew a lot he hadn’t told you.

“I didn’t mean… any harm… with the berries…” Leo desperation painted his face. “I didn’t know…”

“Then you shouldn’t have said anything,” you told him coldly. “Eva heard me tell Yona that there were berries here. I asked Yona to remind me to check it out… If that child dies because you didn’t give a shit what you say to save your own ass… I swear to God…”

Leo’s eyes squeezed shut as he sobbed.

Anger raced through your veins as you moved even closer. Park took a step forward, looking ready to stop you.

“I wouldn’t hurt you,” Leo wailed. “I swear I wouldn’t hurt you… Not _you_ of all people…”

_What?_

“You don’t _know_ me,” you told him, wondering what was in his head.

“I don’t,” Leo shook his head, lifted it. When his gaze returned to yours his expression was one of… resignation? _Acceptance?_

Yona tugged on your hand hard. “Let’s go,” she said urgently. “Please.”

You yanked your hand away from hers. Blinking back tears, you glared at him.

“You already hurt one of us,” you yelled. “Why would you give a shit about _me_?”

Curtis’s arm wrapped around you, pulling you gently back. You threw him off angrily.

“Because you shouldn’t be here,” Leo told you with determination. Leo jerked his head in Curtis’s direction. “_He_ took you.”

“Nick took me first,” you informed him. “Him and his friends.Curtis save me from them. _That’s_ why I’m here.”

“Did Nick lie to you too?”

_What?_

“You’re saying Curtis _did_?” you demanded.

You saw Yona moving closer in your peripheral vision. You stepped away, moving to stand right in front of Leo. You were looming over him now.

“He _did_,” Leo said, his voice shaking almost as bad as his body in Kat’s embrace. “He never told you that he was one of the… fucking cannibals… on the train in those early days…”

_What?_

Someone, you didn’t know who, had their arms around you. They were pulling you back as you stared at Leo hard.

“What did you say?” you yelled.

“Curtis killed Edgar’s mother!” Leo yelled at you, screaming in pain as Park kicked him solidly in the chest. Kat screamed as she was also thrown back from the momentum of the attack.

Curtis killed Edgar’s mother?

“He was going to eat Ed—” Leo cringed on his side in the snow, Kat trying to help him sit up.

“Let’s go,” Yona was urging you.

You couldn’t see her. Leo spat blood on the snow. Dark red spots on white…

“He was gonna… _eat_ Edgar… when he was a little baby…” Leo croaked. “That’s what the murdering… bastards did!”

“Shut up!” Park yelled.

Like a vision from a nightmare, you spun around, struggling in Yona’s surprisingly strong arms.

Curtis stared at you, his blue eyes haunted. _That was it._ His truth finally revealed, and Nick’s hateful voice echoed in your mind.

_Curtis left him to die. Left him for one of you front-end fuckers to shank him in the back… I saw it._

You’d known Curtis left Edgar to die. He told you. You knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t have left him without a good reason.

But you’d always known there was something else…

_Heard a story about how Curtis killed Edgar’s mother when everyone first boarded the train… Why would someone make that up about Saint Curtis if it weren’t true?_

Curtis had killed Edgar’s mother? Had wanted to eat him when he was baby?

Well, you knew that hadn’t happened. Edgar had grown up. Had fought at Curtis’s side until the rebellion.

Tears blurred your vision as you managed to pry Yona off you. You stared Curtis down only he dropped his gaze, wearing his defeat like heavy chains that noticeably weighed him down. There was the slightest tremble to his gloved hand.

“What stopped you?” you asked in a shaking voice.

But then you remembered the answer. You remembered Rachel’s story.

_Gilliam stopped them from killing a baby one day…_

You nodded then and Curtis wasn’t answering. His gaze was on the snow at your feet. A single tear glistened in the bright morning sun as it slid down his cheek.

“Gilliam,” you whispered. “That was the baby he saved, right? He gave up his arm for him.”

His gaze was on you then in surprise. You’d almost known the truth. You knew all the components. You’d only lacked the connection.

_Anger. Fear. Hormones. Worry._ Emotion boiled in you. Despite the brave face you wanted to put on, you did have an audience. You burst into tears.

“You should have told me,” you whispered, your hand sliding over your baby at the front of your coat, his eyes darted after the movement. Your hand shook moving over that slight swell. “You should have told me.”

You sped off, not watching where you were going stumbling through the snow. Heavy footsteps told you someone was behind you and honestly, you assumed it was Yona.

Curtis got in front you just as you reached the river. The rest of the group was far enough away now.

Putting up his hands in front of him, Curtis gazed into your eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” his whisper was rough, his face crumbled. More tears shined off his beard. “I should have… I sh-should have told you… I just didn’t know… I didn’t…”

You felt sick. Your head was spinning, and your heart raced in your chest as you tried to get a handle on your emotions, your thoughts. You didn’t know what to believe right now.

“I love you,” Curtis whispered, his eyes pleading. “I didn’t want… to lose you…”

Your heart broke in your chest. You felt the pain that flashed in his eyes, felt in on every level of your being.

“You should have told me,” you said, dangerously close to hysteria. “If you love me, you should have trusted me… everyone else in the group knows… Don’t they? Rachel? Jacob? Park?”

Curtis dropped his gaze miserably. “Not everyone.”

“You say you don’t want to lose me,” you told him slowly. “But you didn’t tell me… So they got to use it… to tear us apart…”

Curtis’s exhale seemed to expel his strength. His shoulders fell, his head hung.

For a long moment in the bright sun, with a cold wind whipping around both of you, you stood there, assessing each other. Both of you in tears.

Finally, Curtis couldn’t take it anymore. “Say something,” he begged you.

Shaking your head, you started for the river, meaning to cross it and head back. He didn’t stop you.

“I need time,” you called back to him.

And you really did.

***

Nick grinned as the girl lifted her mouth from his cock and he watched as she swallowed what he’d given her. With her cloud of chestnut curls and her bright hazel eyes, she was his favorite whore. She was such a good little cocksucker too.

He bet her stupid one-legged brother back in Curtis’s group would be a good cocksucker. Maybe he’d find out one day.

“Tuck me back in,” Nick told her as he always did.

Grace nodded, helping to pull up his boxers, his pants and carefully tucking his cock back in. He could have done it just fine. He still had full use of his right arm and hand after all. The fucking axe fight with Curtis had pretty much ruined his other arm.

And one of his legs.

Quiet as a mouse, he watched Grace began to pull her clothes back on, her gaze out the cabin’s one window. What the fuck she thought she could see at night, he didn’t know.

Nick grinned at her. “Where do you go each night after we have our fun?” he wanted to know.

Grace was the only whore they allowed to come and go as she wanted to. She didn’t try to run. Didn’t speak a lot which was an excellent quality in a woman in his opinion. She did what she was told.

Her smile was a little too bright for him to believe but he didn’t give a shit so long as he got what he wanted.

Grace shrugged her slim shoulders. “Just like the river at night,” her voice was barely above a whisper. “I just like to see the moon shine off it.”

_Whatever. _Nick should have known her answer would be boring.

“You’ll be back here tomorrow, yeah?” he told her as she rose from his bed and headed out.

Grace stopped at the door, smiled and nodded.

“You’ll get a break soon enough,” Nick told her, grinning at the thought. “Before too long, I’ll have Curtis’s little whore to service me too… I can’t wait actually.”

“Good night,” Grace whispered, letting herself out.

***

Grace didn’t start running away until she’d carefully shut the door to Nick’s cabin. From there, she was racing toward the river. She made it to the water, kneeling by the edge as she always did. She stayed there for a few moments like normal, giving the guards back at the camp the chance to see her there.

Right where she always was.

Grace’s heart pounded in her chest, a rhythm of hope, as she thought about getting to see _him_.

How many years had it been since anyone had hope?

Cupping her hands, she scooped up water to wash her mouth out. Once. Twice. The next couple of handfuls quenched her thirst. Her hand patted the pocket of her coat, making sure the reasonably clean cloths she’d found were still there. They were. And if Nick happened to get curious and go through her coat, she told him they were in case she started bleeding. That usually ended the conversation.

_He’d_ need the bandage changed since she hadn’t been able to get to him last night. His wound was so much better these days. _So much better_.

One of the cloths held half of her food portion. He needed to get his strength up now that he was recovering. It had been a slow, painful process. But he was going to make it.

Finally, when the one guard ducked around the corner of one building as he always did to piss, she rose and made her way along the edge of the water. It wasn’t that far. Just up the hill, into the small cave where he’d been hiding since the camp had formed.No one had ever gone up there that she knew of.

How he’d ever been able to follow the group, to find her, in the days after the train crash, she’d never know. He’d almost bled to death. He had nearly taken a knife to the heart. Somehow after the front end group took her away to the camp, he followed and found her. He found a way to let her know he was there.

She’d come so very close to losing him.

Ducking into his cave, Grace waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. Before she saw him, she felt him. His warm hand, stronger each day, gently reached for hers.

At first it startled her but quickly that racing of her heart? Was all her love for him.

Grace found him when the train crashed, in one of the spa cars. She’d thought he was dead until he’d grabbed her ankle. She’d stayed there with him for several days, finding things to use as bandages. She found water, things to feed him. It had been a couple of weeks before the group that took control of her found them.

Well, found _her_.

He’d managed to make them believe he was just a corpse and they didn’t waste time on any of those. Someone recognized her from the pleasure car quickly enough and just like that, she was a whore again.

A whore who had fallen in love with the young man she’d tried to nurse. A gorgeous young man from the tail-section.

Dropping to her knees before him, Grace gazed into his warm dark eyes before taking him into her arms, holding him tightly.

_“If you love something set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be.”_

Her mother had said it once to her and her brother Jacob when they were small, before they boarded the train.

He came back to her. And as she slid her arms under his dirty coat, smoothing her hands across his warm flesh, Grace burrowed into his chest. His heart beat as quickly as hers did as she held him.

He came back to her. _He was hers._

They’d be free of the nightmare in the near future. Now that he was stronger. Grace just hoped they could reach Curtis’s group. Her brother Jacob, she hoped, was still alive.

Curtis would want the man she held to her heart by his side again.And maybe, just maybe, they could be free together with Curtis, Jacob, and those in the group. They could be happy, free.

_He was hers._

_Grey._


	14. Chapter 14

“What are you doing out here?” You squinted in the bright midday light, the sun reflecting off the snow.

Yona smiled up at you as you joined her and Jacob on the hill. From there you could see the cave, see everything. Rolling hills of white. Had they both been here for the last couple of days?

“Is this where you two have been?” You’d stayed with Rachel and Harvey the last few days, looking after Eva. You’d noticed that Yona and Jacob hadn’t been around much the last couple of days.

None of you had been entirely sure the girl would survive the poisoning. Harvey never left his daughter’s side and neither did Timmy. You and Rachel took turns staying with them, getting them whatever they needed and sleeping in turns.

“How is Eva?” Jacob asked, hazel eyes peering up at you from under the hood of his parka.

Sitting next to Yona, you smiled. “Better. Rachel made an egg for her and she’s actually hungry.”

“Thank God,” Jacob muttered. “Curtis is in enough of a snit.”

Caring for Eva had given you an excuse to put some distance between yourself and Curtis. And you needed it. Your mind played a constant loop of what Curtis had told you, what you Rachel and Jacob had told you. What Nick told you. And Leo…

Your heart hurt because it was difficult to reconcile the man you knew now and who Curtis must have been those early days on the train. Rachel and Jacob had told you how bleak the situation had been those first days. David and Rachel’s daughter had died when her medication was taken. None of them had been given food or water. Fear and panic reigned in the tail-section, the strongest taking what they needed to survive. Taking from each other. Killing and consuming each other.

Even the babies.

Your hand drifted to your swelling tummy, the thought that anyone could be pushed to such an act chilling you. The fear Edgar’s mother must have felt…

Curtis had been a younger man then. Not as wise or mature as he was now. Thinking of Rachel’s story, you realized that what Gilliam had done in that moment. The older man had offered up his own arm to save who you realized now was Edgar as a baby. It clearly had an impact on all of them. The sacrifice brought them together. It put Curtis on the path to being the man, the leader, he was now.

It hurt your heart to consider how he must feel as a soon-to-be father with the shadows of those dark days never far from his thoughts. That was true of all the survivors who followed him now. You could see it in the shadows behind their eyes, hear it sometimes in strangled cries in their sleep at night. They were grateful now to have a chance, to maybe have a future.

And most of them knew about Curtis’s history on the train. You didn’t blame them for not saying anything to you. It wasn’t their story to tell. It still hurt that he hadn’t trusted you enough to tell you. It reminded you that weren’t one of them. You were an outsider.

In the darkness the last few nights huddled with Rachel and Eva, your heart whispered to you. Just maybe it wasn’t that Curtis didn’t trust you. He said he loved you.

Just maybe he didn’t know how to tell you. Jesus, how would you explain _that_ to someone?

“Have you two talked?”

You didn’t miss the hopeful tone in Jacob’s voice. Since your confrontation, you and Curtis hadn’t spoken. You didn’t even know where Curtis had been sleeping. If he slept at all. You’d only seen him in passing.

“No.” Your voice sounded small to your own ears.

“You really need to.” Jacob peered around Yona to make eye contact with you. “Please? I’m pretty sure he yelled at Park this morning. He _never_ yells at Park.”

“He never yells at anyone here,” you pointed out.

You knew you needed to talk to Curtis. But your heart squeezed in your chest just thinking about it.

“You never told me what you’re doing up here.” You changed the subject.

“Keeping watch,” Yona said simply.

It was odd that Yona and Jacob had been given the task instead of one of Curtis’s men. Yona read the thought in your face.

“I can see things sometimes before they happen,” she explained. “Curtis said I was… clairvoyant?”

Your gaze met hers in amazement.

“Was that how you knew that Nick had pulled me to the side at the train?” You remembered the day Curtis had taken you and Yona to look for maps in Wilford’s own train car. Nick had cornered you, the move his last here. The next day they fought with axes until Curtis had bested him, allowing him to leave.

Yona nodded.

“And that’s why you were trying to pull me away from Leo,” you guessed. “You knew what he was going to tell me?”

Yona shook her head. “Not the story… I just knew it wasn’t going to go well.”

You blew out an exhale.

“You know that’s not who he is now, right?” Jacob asked and you knew he was talking about Curtis.

“You knew?” You didn’t even feel bitter about it now.

“I was little when I boarded,” he explained. “I don’t remember it, no. I heard the story later, when I was older.”

Pulling up your hood, you gaze at the snow between your feet, nodding.

“He wasn’t the only one who did it,” Jacob defended him.

“I know.”

“And we – none of _us_ anyway – would be here without him.” Jacob’s tone held a note of pleading. “That has to count for something, right?”

When Yona cut him a look, his hazel eyes grew wide. “I don’t mean you two. I know you weren’t in the tail-section. But you’re with us… Fuck. You know what I mean.”

Guilt bled on your fear and confusion glued it together, leaving your heart aching.

“Thing is,” Jacob went on. “I’ve known Curtis most of my life. Never saw him happy until now.”

You spotted a group coming out of the woods. Curtis and Park were among them. But wasn’t it late in the day for hunting? What were they doing?

“The train crashed, and we all got off it,” you reminded Jacob. “That’s a good reason to be happy.”

“It’s you,” Yona said. “_You_ are why he is happy.”

“You are what he’s fighting for,” Jacob added, pointing to you. “You and that baby.”

Yona’s gaze watched the group approaching from the distance.

You blew out an exhale.

“He wants to talk to you,” she muttered.

“I know.”

“As soon as he finds you,” Yona elaborated. 

Your heart raced as you watched the group move closer. If you were going to find somewhere else to be to avoid the conversation Yona saw coming, now would be the time.

But you stayed, shivering as you waited, and you weren’t entirely sure it was just from the cold. You needed to end this stalemate one way or another.

Once the lot of them reached the area just out the cave, Curtis gazed up at where the three of you sat. You sucked in a breath as he headed your way. When he reached your group, his gaze locked with yours. His blue eyes were dark and brooding, reminding you of the first time you’d see him before the Sacred Engine stopped and Snowpiercer crashed. Reminding you of that first night when he took you away from Nick and his friends.

“We need to talk,” Curtis said to you without preamble.

You felt Yona and Jacob’s eyes on you as you rose clumsily to your feet. You didn’t immediately notice that Curtis had moved to your side, steadying you so you didn’t fall. When you didn’t move away from him, his arm wrapped around your shoulders lightly as he walked you down the hill, away from the cave where you’d all been staying.

“Where are we going?” your voice was barely above a whisper, but he didn’t answer. Your heart was flying.

Guiding you around a smaller hill on the other side, Curtis led you to a makeshift tent that had been set up. It was crudely made and not very big, but it looked sturdy. When he held open the front flap, you carefully climbed in. It was empty and you were grateful not to be in earshot of the others.

“Park did this?” you had to ask.

Curtis nodded.

An oil-lamp was lit at the center of the tent inside, the ground covered by blankets. Since you couldn’t comfortably stand in the tent, you sat down. Curtis took a seat across from you, the lamp lit up his face. The pain in his eyes had guilt gnawing at you.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he said quietly.

_Why lie?_ You nodded.

“I just need to know,” Curtis spoke slowly, “now that you know everything, where does that leave us?”

Curtis was nothing if not direct. You appreciated that most of the time. Right now, your heart sped up because you knew he was expecting an answer.

Taking a deep breath, your gaze met his. When you didn’t speak, he nodded. You watched his throat work as he swallowed hard.

“You hate me now?”

His question was painted in fear and bitterness. His expression was stoic, but you could sense a storm of emotion beneath the façade. He looked so tired, resigned. Had he slept at all?

Your instinct was to go to him, comfort him.

_No. There are some things that need to get resolved._

“I don’t hate you, Curtis,” you whispered. “I never could.”

“Can’t you?” His eyes grew shiny.

You watched him pull off his cap, scrubbing a hand through his hair as he did when he was frustrated, upset. You could feel his misery and you fought to stay where you were.

This was important. The entire time you’d known him, Curtis had some demon from the past chasing him. It whispered to him he wasn’t worthy of happiness, love. You’d just never understood how it could be that bad.

Until Leo yelled the truth at you when you least expected it.

“Curtis, I… I can’t imagine what those first weeks were like in the tail section.” You took another deep breath. “Rachel told me some of what happened. She said they took away your belongings, medications. That’s how her daughter died. She said… there was no food or water.”

The mention only darkened his expression. “Still no excuse for what happened… What I did… David and Rachel? They didn’t do what I did.”

“Tell me,” your tone was pleading. “I want to hear it from _you_. I don’t understand why you couldn’t trust me… tell me.”

Curtis’s eyes hardened as he stared you down. “You heard Leo, didn’t you? Did you miss the part where he told you that I killed Edgar’s mother? That I meant to eat him as a baby?”

Leaning forward, Curtis shook his head. “Put yourself in my shoes. If you’d done something like that, would you have told me?”

The question stopped you, made you think. You knew you wouldn’t have told anyone if it had been you. You _couldn’t_ have. But Curtis was so much braver than you.

“Did Rachel tell you about the chaos in those first weeks? We were saved from freezing to death, but what was worse? Freezing? Or slowly starving to death? Dehydration. Wilford’s soldiers took everything we had. There were a thousand of us, packed into an iron box. They brought us nothing. As Rachel told you, many died off in the first month. After that, we ate the weak.”

Your heart broke thinking about it. At the same time, you were horrified. You knew all too well how people could change towards you when their circumstances changed. You and your mother were well cared for at the front as long as your father lived and served Wilford. When you father refused to give you to Wilford, he died. When you still avoided Wilford, you and your mother were cast out into the serving class. It was still paradise next to what the tail section passengers went through, but you _did_ understand.

“You know what people taste like?” Curtis’s voice deepened. “I do. Babies? They taste best. And I hate myself for knowing that… I hate the fear in your eyes right now with my baby inside of you.”

Your hand was protectively resting on the small swell of your tummy as he spoke, and his gaze dropped to it. He looked ashamed, miserable.

“That day there was a woman, hiding with her baby. A group of us came after her, knives ready. We killed her… I killed her.”

The admission had him tearing up, reliving the memory.

“We took her baby. And then Gilliam? I didn’t know him, and he was no relation to Edgar. To any of us. He was just an old man who approached us, asked for the knife. We all thought he’d kill the baby himself. No… He cut off his own arm. He told us to eat that if we were so hungry and leave the baby… I’d never witnessed anything like that.”

Swiping at his face with his hands, Curtis fought back tears while you silently waited for him to continue.

“We all put down the knives after that. One after another, people just started cutting off arms and legs, offering them up. It changed everything.” Holding out his right arm, he yanked up his coat and shirt, showing you scars just below his elbow that you’d seen many times before. In the moment, you realized now just what those scars were, and you cringed. “I tried to. I _wanted_ to.”

Your own eyes were filling with tears. Curtis had tried to offer his arm but hadn’t been able to bring himself to do it. The failure added to his shame.

“After that, Wilford’s soldiers started bringing us protein blocks and we ate those damn things until we stopped the train.” Curtis stared at the lantern between you as he pulled his sleeves back down. “I started following Gilliam. He was wise and so many times he stepped in when Wilford’s soldiers came for us. He kept things from being worse. I wanted to learn from him.”

“You did,” you said then.

Anger lit up his gaze when he returned it to you. “I did… Then he betrayed us.”

_What?_

“Hadn’t heard that part?” Curtis challenged you. “When we started the revolution, he sent a group of us on with Mason after we captured her. You remember when we worked our way through the train.”

You most certainly did.

“Andrew and Tanya just wanted their small sons back. They were both killed,” Curtis explained bitterly. “Grey died to save me.”

You thought someone had mentioned Andrew before. You’d never heard anyone talk about someone named Grey.

“Edgar?” you had to ask.

Curtis dropped his gaze. “Edgar died because I chose to go after Mason instead of save him.”

_And there it was._ Without Mason, Wilford’s right hand, they wouldn’t have succeeded in stopping the train. You knew he wouldn’t have abandoned Edgar without a good reason.

“I’ll never forgive myself for that,” he whispered brokenly. “I watched over him from the time…”

Tears slid down your face. The pain that haunted him, you could only imagine. You didn’t have to ask if he loved Edgar. You knew he did.

“When we reached the front of the train? It was just me, Nam, and Yona left.”

“Nam?”

“Yona’s father,” he explained. “He didn’t survive the crash.”

_Poor Yona._

Curtis shook his head. “I confronted Wilford,” he went on. “I learned that he and Gilliam had _planned_ the entire thing. The plan had been to reduce the number of tail section passengers… by seventy-four percent.”

You were astonished, your mind spinning with what he told you. “Knowing that they’d send the soldiers back to the tail and… And you? Gilliam just… sent you up there to die?”

It was a long moment before he answered. Finally, he said, “Not all of us. They’d planned for _me_ to take Wilford’s place.”

You were staring hard at him now. “Wilford told you this?”

Curtis nodded.

“You… believed him?”

“It was something Gilliam told me after we took the water car,” he explained. “He looked at my scars and he told me that there was a lot you couldn’t do with just one arm… hold a woman.”

His gaze met with yours. “When I was talking to Wilford in his car, he reminded me that Gilliam said it… At least I know now why he told me not to let Wilford speak.”

You swallowed hard, reading the pain in his face. “Gilliam sent you, _knowing_ that the others that you looked after… that fought with you would die? How could he think you’d be okay with that? Did he know you at all?”

You didn’t understand. Apparently, Curtis didn’t either. But the bitterness of betrayal weighed him down, had his shoulders shaking as he dropped his head into his hands.

“Gilliam didn’t survive the crash for you to ask him,” you said finally.

“Wilford had him executed,” Curtis muttered. “Before I made it to the front.”

_Where does that leave us?_

Now, you knew everything. Uncertainty and fear gave way to heartbreak for what Curtis had endured, the guilt and shame that would haunt him his entire life.

You could use it to reject him, set yourself free. You knew Curtis wouldn’t cast you out even if you did take the opportunity to break from him. If not for you, for the child your carried.

And that was because he was a good man who’d faced circumstances no one should ever have to face. He’d faced loss you’d never know about in all his years in the tail section. He’d been betrayed by his hero. Even now, he faced threats from the front-end passengers of the train and what remained of Wilford’s soldiers. From Nick who was from the tail-section like him.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. And you were.

You didn’t think he heard you. He sat curled in on himself.

“Why are _you_ sorry?” Tears in his voice. “Look at what I did to_ you_. Leo? Nick? They’re right. I had no right to take you… But I did. I could have just saved you from them, just kept you with Yona and Timmy. I didn’t have to…”

Your heart raced as the meaning of his words hit.

Intensity lit up his blue eyes as he lifted his head, his gaze roaming over you. “I took you because I _wanted_ you. I wanted you from the moment I saw you in that greenhouse car, shying away from me.”

Curtis rolled forward onto his knees, moving closer to you. “I felt I was owed something for everything I’d been through,” he admitted. “I exacted that price from you… I knew I was fucking wrong, but it didn’t stop me.”

You didn’t move as he crept closer to you. You listened with your heart pounding in your chest, every nerve ending in your body buzzing in awareness.

“I should have let you go,” he whispered heatedly, watching you as if he expected you to bolt at any moment. “I _should_ let you go.”

A spike of fear hit your heart at the words. What did he mean by let you go? You realized the deep-seated fear wasn’t what would happen to you physically. Not anymore. Curtis would never hurt you.

No, your heart ached at the raw emotion in his eyes.

“But I can’t,” his voice was deep and rough. “I love you… You’re _mine_. That baby is mine.”

There it was. It was your moment. Curtis waited, a crazy blend of fear and hope mixing with something darker in his gaze. You could deny him, maybe even be free of him. Now you knew everything from his past.

You still loved Curtis, trusted him. He was the future you wanted for you and your child.

The words stuck in your throat as the tears that never really stopped slipped from the corners of your eyes.

“I love you,” you whispered.

Curtis was on you a heartbeat later. He was all you could see as he pushed you onto your back, into the blankets there. He claimed your mouth with a searing kiss that had you surrendering beneath him. The taste of him, the feeling of having his strong arms wrapped around again you went to your head, had you clinging to him.

His hands were all over you, pulling your coat off roughly. His hand slid under the sweaters you wore, the faintest chill clinging to his fingers. Your lips opened to his as you waited for his hands to slide up to your breasts. No, you felt his touch first at your tummy, his fingers plucked open your pants and yanked them open.

Curtis lifted himself from you, left you panting beneath him. When he dropped his head to press kisses to that small promise tucked within you, to the smooth skin that covered the swell of your tummy, your heart melted.

Pressing his forehead to your bump, Curtis’s breath fanned against your skin.

“I was so afraid I’d lose you.” There were still tears in his voice. “Both of you.”

Your fingers slid into his hair, but he wasn’t moving, his hands smoothing over the outside of your thighs. Your heart raced. You’d missed his touch. So much.

“You didn’t,” you promised him. “You won’t… I chose you, remember?”

That got his attention. His gaze met yours when he lifted his head.

“Even after… everything?” Doubt lingered behind his eyes.

“You were still a boy,” you pointed out. “That’s not who you are now, Curtis. And who you are… is the man I love.”

Roughly he yanked up each of the two sweaters you wore before his mouth returned to yours, fevered kisses that stole your breath, demanded your submission. His tongue danced with yours while a hand slid under you to unhook your bra. Plucking the garment away, he chained kisses over your chin, down to the center of your chest. His hands were rough and greedy at your breasts, causing you to wince.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, pressed a soft kiss into one soft mound. Your breasts were often sore with your pregnancy, getting larger. “I’ll be careful.”

And he was. The rough pads of his fingers met your tender flesh, a contrast to the heated softness of his lips as they spread around one nipple. His tongue carefully laved the tight peak, tracing it gently as your core clenched, your hips rolling into him. When his mouth blazed a slow trail to the other breast, he pushed a heavy thigh between yours. The pressure against your center pushed your desire higher until your thighs clamped around his, seeking friction.

Your hands roamed over his head, his back. Your fingers clutched at his coat and you sucked in a breath as his mouth made a heated path down to your tummy. While he pressed a reverent kiss there, in the next moment his hands clutched your pants and panties, yanking them down along with your socks and boots.

When you were bared to him, lying there chilled on the blankets, his heated gaze roamed over you. His rough hands slid up over your knees, his fingertips whisper soft on the insides of your thighs making you shiver.

Curtis’s expression was dark and possessive. Yanking at a blanket behind him, he pulled it up to drape over your chest, your upper body, to keep you warm. He shed his coat like it was on fire, before gently wrapping his arms around your thighs and pulling you closer.

He wasted no time getting his mouth on you and you muffled the gasp he pulled from you behind your hand.

“No,” Curtis muttered, peering at you over your tummy. “I want to _hear_ you for fucking once… want to hear everything.”

You were so used to trying to keep quiet because of the close proximity to the other survivors that not holding back seemed like a foreign idea. At least at first. Curtis sealed his mouth over your aching core, his tongue wickedly twisting in your private folds. When he teased the pearl at the center of you with soft licks, you whined. When he used his tongue to trace your entrance, darting it in and out of you as he would with his cock, you sang for him. He pulled an uneven chorus of mewls and gasps as he held your hips to the floor.

When his fingers came into play, you were writhing in his grip. By the time his fingers found the space inside you that drove you insane, your wails filled the tent. Your inner walls clutched at his fingers while he relentlessly lapped at your clit.

“Curtis,” you called, release riding you hard.

His only answer was to double down, the pad of his finger massaging that inner space just so while his tongue tormented the bundle of nerves just above it. You screamed as the orgasm lit up your body, hotter than the sun. You thrashed in his hold, wailing and calling out his name. Curtis only went at you harder until the end of one orgasm blended with the beginning of the next. Your hands clutched at the blanket, your breasts. You mindlessly let dizzying pleasure swamp you until you trembled breathless before him.

Rising on his knees, Curtis looked triumphant as his gaze moved over your body, your juices shining on his beard. He pulled open the flannel shirts he wore until the scarred wall of his chest was revealed to you. Your hand slid down your body, your fingers sliding into the flesh he’d left wet and aching.

“Oh, Sweetheart,” he muttered, ripping open his pants and pushing them down over thick thighs. His cock was revealed to you, swollen and red. Taking himself in hand, his gaze stayed on the movement of your fingers. “Much as I love watching you do that, I need to be inside you.”

Grabbing your hand, he brought it up to his mouth, his lips and tongue greedily feasting on the traces of you he found there. The next instant you felt the wide head of him at your entrance, his thighs pushing yours further apart.

Curtis hissed as he sank into you. Your flesh stretched around him, your legs wrapping around his thighs trying to make him go deeper, faster. Tired as you were, you needed him to fill you. To make you complete.

“Need you,” he whispered when he’d pushed inside you as far as he could go. His thrusts were slow, careful. “Need you so fucking much… I swear to God if we didn’t have to worry about the front-enders, I’d keep you in this tent for days.”

Planting a forearm by your head, Curtis kept most of his weight off you. The other hand smoothed over your head, your breasts with a gentleness that didn’t match the growing force of his hips.

“Curtis,” you pleaded as he powered into you, thrusts picking up in strength. “I missed you.”

You had. You missed being in his arms in sleep, having him inside you as he was now. Your hands slid inside the shirts he wore, your fingers digging into his back. The play of his muscles beneath your hands, the drive of his hips between your thighs, had you clenching around him desperately. Pleasure rose fast within you as Curtis started riding you harder.

“Can’t hold out much longer,” he whispered into your ear before teasing its shell and lobe with his mouth. “Need you to come…”

You were so close. The angle of his thrusts shifted, seeking. When he began sliding against the space that could take you apart, you were sure that cry was echoing through the mountains.

“You’re close, aren’t you?” His tongue dipped into your ear, his breath hot and moist. “You’re so hot and tight around me.”

Your walls grabbed at him as he moved, fluttering as your release sped toward you. Your thighs locked around him, your nails carved down his back. Your body wept all around his cock, allowing him to slide in and out of you hard and fast.

“You’re mine.” His teeth nipped at your earlobe then soothing it with his tongue. Your name was a sob that left his lips as he hammered into you. When his hand slid between you to seek out your clit, you were done for.

You screamed and cried out as orgasm shook you. Curtis’s guttural cries blended with yours as he caged you, his hips driving into you hard and swift until he reached his own end, holding on one last firm thrust.

He rolled you onto your sides but his heated length stayed inside you. Curtis held you to him, pressing kisses over you, wherever he could reach. The harsh rasps of your breaths blended, your hearts pounded together. You snuggled in close to him, pressing your ear to his chest over his heart.

“No more secrets?” you whispered, wanting to know there was nothing else.

“No more secrets,” he replied, holding you tighter.

For long moments, you remained like that. Curtis was quiet. When you gazed up at him, you expected him to be dozing. No. Something was on his mind, for once a small smile played along his lips.

“What are you thinking about?”

His grin widened and his eyes slid close. “This is nice. I can’t wait until we’re done with all the fighting. Have a place of our own in a town or village somewhere.”

That was a happy thought. “A bed would be amazing.”

Rolling you under him, Curtis gazed down at you, stealing a kiss as you felt him shift inside you.

“We’ll have our own house,” he told you, a hand sliding over your tummy. “We’ll have room for all three of us…”

“I could have a huge garden behind it,” you added, smiling.

“Apple trees,” he mused.

Your heart swelled with hope at the happiness that image brought.

“I don’t care where we end up, Curtis” you whispered, speaking from the heart. “As long as you’re there. As long as we’re together.”

Curtis stole another kiss, soft lips caressing yours. “We will be.”

When he moved inside you, hard again, you smiled and held on tightly.


End file.
